“Going agile” has transformed thousands of workplaces into groups of self-directed teams, more engaged and increasingly more productive. Knowledge workers report increased job satisfaction, strong team identity, and camaraderie. One of the secrets of high performing teams is their ability to manage conflict in ways that support team cohesion, deepen trust, and reinforce commitment to team greatness. Agile practices value individuals and interactions over processes and tools. Sounds great on paper! How do you live that? How do you work effectively with “difficult people” whether teammates, your boss, or stakeholders in your project? Pat Arcady identifies what is at the core of disagreement, presents a simple four-step protocol for managing conflict, and introduces three key distinctions to make for converting an argument into a meaningful discussion. Practice applying these concepts to your own work situations. This is an experiential session, focused on practical applications for you at your job.

1.
AT3
Concurrent Session
11/14/2013 10:15 AM
"Using Non-Violent
Communication Skills for
Managing Team Conflict"
Presented by:
Pat Arcady
FreeStanding Agility
Brought to you by:
340 Corporate Way, Suite 300, Orange Park, FL 32073
888‐268‐8770 ∙ 904‐278‐0524 ∙ sqeinfo@sqe.com ∙ www.sqe.com

2. Pat Arcady
FreeStanding Agility
Pat Arcady, EdD, is an executive consultant and agile coach with a
specialty in work team conflict resolution. Consistent with the Agile
Manifesto which values individuals and interactions over processes and
tools, Pat’s work teaches busy professionals the “how to” of that value—
how to interact with colleagues and customers in ways that best serve to
achieve the successful outcomes work teams seek. A former manager at
Verizon, college administrator, and trainer in the Nonviolent
Communication System of conflict resolution, Pat is an expert in creating
environments that foster high levels of productivity, collaboration, and
positive morale. Learn more atfreestandingagility.com or
email pata@freestandingagility.com.

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Scrum Master Skills
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WELCOME TO
USING NVC
FOR MANAGING CONFLICT
ON YOUR AGILE TEAM
AGILE DEVELOPMENT & BETTER
SOFTWARE EAST CONFERENCE, 2013
PAT ARCADY
pata@freestandingagility.com
w 617-623-9026
c 617-947-1440
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
Scrum Master Skills
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PURPOSE
Share core concepts of NVC that agile teams find useful for
managing conflicts that inevitable arise.
AGENDA
What is your burning question?
Large group exercise
Stimulus vs. Cause
4 step NVC protocol
Four key distinctions
Small group practice
Wrap up
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
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Scrum Master Skills
A PARADIGM FOR
MANAGING CONFLICT ON
AGILE TEAMS
Based on the work of
Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
Scrum Master Skills
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AN EXERCISE:
LUNCH WITH THE
SCRUM MASTER
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
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Scrum Master Skills
SITUATION
(OBSERVATION)
THOUGHTS
FEELINGS
NEEDS
12 NOON
You arrive at
restaurant. No
SM.
12:20
Still no SM.
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
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Scrum Master Skills
Assumptions
1.
Everything someone says
or does is an attempt to
meet one or more
universal needs.
2.
We all have the same
universal needs (not
necessarily up at the same
time) and all our needs
matter.
3.
Universal needs are never
in conflict. Strategies for
meeting those needs are
what lead to conflict.
4.
Value maintaining a
connection with the other
over finding a quick
solution.
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013 Source:
Marshall Rosenberg- Nonviolent Communication
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Scrum Master Skills
PART A: Understanding YOURSELF
O
1. OBSERVATION: What did the person say or do? What is a
concrete, verifiable description all can agree on? Free of your
judgments, evaluations, interpretations.
F
2. FEELING: What am I feeling? An emotion, sensation I experience
in my body. This is very different from my thoughts – things I tell
myself in my head.
e.g., I feel mad/upset/hurt vs. I feel disrespected
N
3. ** What do I NEED or VALUE in this situation? **
Awareness of my core needs/values in the moment helps me
translate my judgment of wrongness of the other into clarity about
what my unmet needs are in the moment. (See NEEDS list)
R
4. What’s my REQUEST of the other or myself?
Is there a strategy, something I am willing to do, that might meet
my need and the other’s need?
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
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Scrum Master Skills
Key Distinctions to Make
OBSERVATION
vs.
Judgment, Evaluation,
Interpretation
She came in 15 minutes after
the meeting started.
vs.
She is always late for meetings.
He did not attend the meeting.
vs.
He blew off the meeting again.
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
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Scrum Master Skills
Key Distinctions to Make
FEELINGS
THOUGHTS
vs.
Feeling word (see list)
I feel mad/sad/glad
I am curious…
I’m angry/upset…
I feel alarmed…
I’m worried…
I feel it’s important…
I feel you should…
I feel disrespected…
I feel ignored…
I feel criticized…
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
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Scrum Master Skills
Key Distinctions to Make
NEED
(universal)
vs.
Need/ Value (see list)
STRATEGY
What to do / Action to take
I value having choice/options.
I care about including everyone.
I really want team work & collaboration…
You need to….
I want you to …
I believe it is time ….
Accountability means a lot to me.
Clear communication is really
important to me.
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
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Scrum Master Skills
Key Distinctions to Make
REQUEST
DEMAND
vs.
1. For Connection
a. Would you be willing to tell
me what’s going on for you?
Hearing NO is
not acceptable to you.
b. Would you be willing to tell me
what you understand I’m saying?
2. For Action
Would you be willing to …?
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
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Scrum Master Skills
Key Distinctions Recap
OBSERVATION
VS.
EVALUATION,
JUDGMENT,
INTERPRETATION
FEELINGS
VS.
THOUGHTS
NEED
VS.
STRATEGY
REQUEST
VS.
DEMAND
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
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9. 9/6/13&
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Scrum Master Skills
PART A: Understanding YOURSELF
O
1. OBSERVATION: What did the person say or do? What is a
concrete, verifiable description all can agree on? Free of your
judgments, evaluations, interpretations.
F
2. FEELING: What am I feeling? An emotion, sensation I experience
in my body. This is very different from my thoughts – things I tell
myself in my head.
e.g., I feel mad/upset/hurt vs. I feel disrespected
N
3. ** What do I NEED or VALUE in this situation? **
Awareness of my core needs/values in the moment helps me
translate my judgment of wrongness of the other into clarity about
what my unmet needs are in the moment. (See NEEDS list)
R
4. What’s my REQUEST of the other or myself?
Is there a strategy, something I am willing to do, that might meet
my need and the other’s need?
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
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Scrum Master Skills
PART B: Curiosity About the OTHER
O
1. OBSERVATION: What did the person say or do? What is a
concrete, verifiable description all can agree on? Free of any
judgments, evaluations, interpretations.
F
2. FEELING: What might they be feeling? An emotion, sensation
experience in their body?
EG: Are they feeling mad/upset/hurt? vs. Defensive
N
3. ** What might THEY NEED or VALUE in this situation?**
(See NEEDS list)
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
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Scrum Master Skills
Opt-In Small Group Practice
Pick one scenario to work with in your group.
1. “There are too many meetings. I can’t get my
work done.”
2. “The P.O. is so disorganized! I hate these
backlog grooming meetings.”
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
a. Observation or Evaluation? (If evaluation, what
might be an observation?
b. What might the speaker be feeling?
c. What would you guess is the speaker’s need?
d. What possible request might the speaker make?
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
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Scrum Master Skills
Continue Your NVC Learning
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
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Scrum Master Skills
Continue Your NVC Learning
Center for Nonviolent Communication
www.cnvc.org
PuddleDancer Press
www.puddledancerpress.com
Pat Arcady’s blog posts @
www.FreeStandingAgility.com (fixin’ to start)
Attend NVC-Agile daylong training class with Pat
www.FreeStandingAgility.com
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
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THANK YOU
FOR ATTENDING & PARTICIPATING!
I APPRECIATE THE CHANCE TO
SHARE AND LEARN
TOGETHER.
© FreeStanding Agility 2012-2013
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