Final Project

1. WEDDINGS
SWAYED BY THE SELL
Does today’s media effect a woman’s decision to say “I Do”?
Stephanie Hayes

2. INTRODUCTION
Marriage is one of the oldest traditions in this world, but the traditions and
ceremonies have changed over time. What once used to be personal, ritualistic,
and spiritual, now has seemed to turn into a lavish display of rings, dresses,
and false ideas of what to expect in an actual supposedly forever lasting
commitment to another.
The question to ask here is, Are people marrying for the marriage? Or are they
marrying for the idea of marriage? What is provoking people to marry before
they realize the true vow they are about to make. There has got to be a reason
for today's high divorce rates. There has got to be a reason why more and
more women are delaying if not avoiding marriage all together now more than
ever before. Are we putting too high of expectations on marriage?
Have we lost the true meaning of a husband and wife coupledom?
What is the cause?

3. WHAT IS THE CAUSE?
The media is constantly advertising over-extravagant weddings, “Bridezilla”
mindsets, and material aspects of a wedding ceremony that it would seem
appealing to any woman. Women who would normally want to wait to have a
marital commitment may feel tempted to pursue marriage sooner because of
the attractiveness of such a ceremony, which may have the unintended
consequence of taking the plunge before they are ready, leaving them to
question the commitment later in life.
The media will not stop these portrayals, products need to sell, but what can
be done is more education, informing people early in their lives of the real
ideas of marriage, seeking guidance and making counseling accessible so that
when hopeful women see that huge diamond ring in the window, they won't
be blinded by the bling.

4. WHY HAVE A CEREMONY?
A wedding ceremony is a celebration…
It‟s the ultimate declaration of the unification of two people.
It‟s the event that allows loved ones to witness that unification.
And it could even be argued that having a wedding ceremony makes it seem more official.
Weddings have always had their traditions. The white dress, the ring that bound the woman
to the man, the cake, the gifts… but throughout history symbols may have held the same
meaning but seem to have changed in appearance, and arguably… expectation.
What once was considered a valuable gesture was a simple band of gold. A metal that was
durable, precious, yet modest. Now what seems to lay on the finger of most American
women is a lavish display of sparkle.
Wearing a hand-me-down dress of the color of purity was considered extravagant enough
decades ago, and now we have women who seem to be unsatisfied until they have found the
“perfect” dress for their personality.
One cannot deny the high standard our society has seemed to put on the traditions of
matrimony. A wedding ceremony is a fundamental statement when marrying the partner of
your life. But they have become so extravagant and indulgent, that it seems to have made
the goal of choice, which sways from the actual goal… lifelong commitment.

5. PSYCHOLOGY TODAY
“But there is an important but neglected positive aspect that explains why
people voluntarily enter into commitments like marriage: it is way of
expressing your love and devotion to another person. Not the only way, of
course, but a well-established and particularly declarative way.
a traditional wedding ceremony, a couple stands up in front of the people who
mean the most to them in the world and promise to love each other, support
each other, and be true to each other, is what gives that public statement its
force.”
“Strong feelings and sensations of any kind carry an illusion of certainty. With
the exception of resentment, no emotional experience has more illusion of
certainty than love. ”

6. MEDIA
An analysis of our society’s bridal advertising

7. ADVERTISEMENTS
Bridal Magazines Commercials

8. ADVERTISEMENTS
The truth is that putting together a
wedding is a big deal, and in today‟s
society we rely on businesses to get
what is needed.
Businesses need to sell their product,
and sales teams have figured out the
power of rhetoric and appealing to
emotion in advertising.
And love, feelings of intimacy and
romance, are highly appealing
emotions.
So why not use it to their advantage?

11. ANALYSIS
These advertisements are putting all
their emphasis on the ideals of love,
and the inflated dreams of marriage.
When women in our society are
faced with bridal advertisements
displaying the over-extravagance of
wedding ceremonies, it‟s plausible
that they may lose sight of the fact
that the ceremony will eventually be
over, where the realities of love enter
and then the partnership is
challenged into real love.

12. WHAT IS REAL LOVE?
There are three types of love:
Eros: romantic love; sensual love
Philia: friendship love, companionship love
And then there‟s…
Agape: self-giving love, gift love;
the love that goes on loving even when the other
becomes unlovable
When you have two people coming together as one,
conflict and challenges are inevitable, even
unavoidable. It‟s how the couple works through
these difficult times that prove their love. It‟s their
commitment level that determines their devotion to
their future. Not the dress. Not the ring. It‟s this
unconditional love that should be focused on,
not the wedding ceremony.

13. PERSONAL ACCOUNTS
Question One: What made you decide to get married?
Question Two: Do you think the media may influence a woman’s decision to marry?

14. JILLIAN
22 years old
Single
Never Married

15. Question One: What made you decide to get married?
“Are you kidding?? I‟m terrified of marriage! The idea of being with one
person for the rest of my life…? I just want to focus on myself.”
Question Two: Do you think the media may influence a woman‟s decision to marry?
“Maybe?? Me personally, I LOVE wedding shows, and I admit to having
bought [Bridal] magazines… I love the hair and make-up, and the
dresses… but it doesn‟t make me want to get married. I‟ve got my
priorities straight! Although… if I could have the wedding without the
marriage that‟d be awesome!”

16. MELISSA
20 Years Old
Engaged
Dated Six Months

17. Question One: What made you decide to get married?
“I knew I was going to marry him right away. He has all the qualities I look for
in a husband… I‟m myself around him… and I just can‟t wait to start my life
with him.”
Question Two: Do you think the media may influence a woman‟s decision to marry?
“No, not really… I mean, maybe for some people. But I just like to watch
wedding shows and stuff because it‟s entertaining. Plus they give some really
great ideas, haha!”

18. AMANDA
25 Years Old
Married
Newlywed

19. Question One: What made you decide to get married?
“We met in high school… none of my friends liked him… my
parents definitely didn‟t like him… but I don‟t know, we just had
such a great connection right off the bat. It was just so natural with
him. I wasn‟t worried about the future, I just wanted to be with him.”
Question Two: Do you think the media may influence a woman‟s decision to marry?
“Um… I‟ve never thought of that before… but since you‟re bringing
it up I would say yeah, I think the media does influence women‟s
decision to marry. I wanted to have a nice dress and a nice ring but at
the end of the day I just wanted to make us permanent. So I guess it
depends on the woman and how she ultimately views marriage.”

20. EMILY
30 Years Old
Married Seven Years
New Mom

21. Question One: What made you decide to get married?
“Well, he was the first man I had ever loved… the best friend I had ever
had… plus I didn‟t have a very good living situation at home, and he was a
way out I guess? We lived together for awhile which I think lead to the ease
of making the decision to marry „cause it was no big deal and I already
knew he was the one I was going to be with.”
Question Two: Do you think the media may influence a woman‟s decision to marry?
“Not really… I mean maybe it sets higher expectations…? But I think
women marry because they want to get married, and putting together a
beautiful ceremony is a plus.”

22. THERESA
32 Years Old
Divorced
Married for Twelve Years

23. Question One: What made you decide to get married?
“My religion had a major influence on my decision to marry. We were
encouraged to marry young. I was in love with him and that was enough
for me but in retrospect we should have waited.”
Question Two: Do you think the media may influence a woman‟s decision to marry?
“Yes, but not all women. I think it depends on their personality, and their
self-esteem. Like, if a Bridal Magazine at the checkout makes you want to
have a husband then maybe it‟s time to search within yourself a little bit.”

24. ANGELA
46 Years Old
Married Twenty-Nine Years
Still in Love

25. Question One: What made you decide to get married?
“He said, „I want to take care of you.‟ I had never had anyone say anything
like that to me before… and the combination of our deep friendship, plus
that phrase, to me, was what made me say „yes‟… in that moment
everything stood still... I thought, This is gonna be fun…!”
Question Two: Do you think the media may influence a woman‟s decision to marry?
“I do, I think it influences women both ways though… obviously the media
is very influential and I think that for young women, especially looking for
independence… getting married is that next grown up step.”

26. UNINTENDED
CONSEQUENCES
Possible influences the media has caused

27. SOCIAL CHANGE
D i vo r c e
“The divorce rate in America for first
mar riage, versus second or third
marriage is 50% percent of first
mar r i ag es, 6 7 % of s econd and 7 4 % of
third mar riages end in divorce,
accor d ing to Jenni fer Baker of
t h e Fo r e s t I n s t i t u t e o f P r o f e s s i o n a l
P s y c h o l o g y i n S p r i n g f i e l d , M i s s o u r i .”
Delayed Mar ria ge
A c c o r d i n g t o t h e U. S. C e n s u s
Bureau, fifty years ag o in 1961 the
a v e r a g e a g e f o r m e n a n d wo m e n t o
mar r y was 22 and 20. In 2011, it
was 28 and 26.

28. SOCIAL CHANGE
When our media regarding bridal advertising places all emphasis on the idealistic
aspects of marriage, it‟s plausible that it sways women into thinking that they want
to have a marriage, without having the maturity or education to determine the
level of commitment that they are actually making, and when the challenges come,
women are left wondering what happened? Where has their love gone?
Maybe he isn‟t „the one‟?
It may also have the tendency to cause women to set too high of expectations,
which can cause great disappointment when the excitement of the wedding is over
and they are left with the responsibility of nurturing a lifelong commitment.
Getting married too soon or too young and as a result failing in the marriage.
Which creates a negative stigma in our society that marriage is something to fear,
which may be one reason why more and more women are choosing to delay taking
the vow, when marriage is not to be feared, rather it should just be taken seriously.

29. PSYCHOLOGY TODAY
“When a couple first declares their love and devotion to each other, and makes that commitment,
it comes from their hearts—they want to make those promises voluntarily in expression of their
love.”
“When the commitment is voluntarily, the positive aspect gets all the emphasis, and the negative
hardly seems important.”
“...until later on, when the bloom falls from the rose. Now the promises do not seem so
voluntary, the ring seems heavier, and marriage seems more like the list of „thou shalt nots‟."
“At this point, commitment seems externally coerced, a institutional legacy of the foolishness of
youth that only now made be paid for.”
“But even the mostly glorious, romantic marriages can decline over time, and one or both
partners may start to resent the promises they once made so freely.”
”…part of blame for the excessive emphasis on the negative aspect of commitment must also be
laid on the contractual nature of marriage (with its historical roots in exchange of property rather
than affection).”

30. PSYCHOLOGY TODAY
“Entering marriage starry-eyed and blind to your partner's weaknesses only
foreshadows future disappointment and relationship trouble.”
“Couples with steady, longer courtship periods and awareness of each others'
strengths and weaknesses were more likely to remain happily married over the
long term.”
“Couples with "Hollwyood Romances"-- bursting, passionate courtships that
quickly result in marriage-- quickly grew dissatisfied as spouses, and
predictably, were more likely to divorce within seven years.”

31. FORBES MAGAZINE
“It's only in the last 20 years that women have said they'd marry just for love,
It used to be that people were embarrassed to admit they loved their spouse,
but now they're embarrassed to admit the other reasons for marriage.”
“Both sexes tie the knot due to a combination of love and social pressure.”

32. TIME MAGAZINE
“Marriage is a more powerful symbol here. It's the ultimate merit badge of
personal life. And if it doesn't fulfill people's (often overwrought)
expectations, they leave.”
“It is the decision that couples make to strengthen commitment and move in
together that is important, rather than marital status per se.”
“Marriage can always end, and the protection it once offered offspring is now
covered by child-support laws.”

33. BEFORE YOU SAY “I DO”
“If you plan to marry it is certain that you have a preconceived fantasy of your
ideal mate or the perfect marriage. After awhile you will begin to realize that your
fantasy and the person you have married will begin to diverge sharply. “
“You misconstrued words of the wedding ceremony „and the two shall become
one‟ to mean that your mate should become like you and your fantasy.”
“You would become one in likes, even reactions and feelings: YOURS!”
“The oneness in marriage is not similarity or sameness in matters relating to ideas
or feelings but to the oneness of understanding.”

34. SOLUTIONS
Ways our society can prevent weddings being swayed by the sell

35. EDUCATE
We can’t change the media, but we can change how we inform.
Our academics go beyond the teachings of math and science…
Is it not also to prepare our children,
our future society,
for the realities of life?
Creating courses in our high schools that educate our young students of life
how to manage relationships and social interaction will better equip them
when they have matured into the adult world. Courses that which inform an
adolescent healthy ways to cope with relationship conflict, to utilize certain
mental tools when interacting with others, and to understand the many
differences of members of the opposite sex. Practicing this may not only
create healthier relationships in the future, but also mold a more an
individual into a more well-rounded contributor of society.

36. COUNSEL
We can’t change the media, but we can change how we help.
The causes for divorce are perpetually dissected and analyzed…
How might it be prevented?
Can it be prevented?
This is uncertain, though scholars seem to be hard at work with finding
the answers. Perhaps, what is certain, is that we can at least try to
counteract the failure of marriages in our country. And it could be with
something as simple as guidance.
Creating a health system where free, frequent, and encouraged
counseling to married couples, as well as prospective ones, is provided
has the potential to not only revocate the dissolving of marriages, but
the changed perceptions of marriage counseling in general.

37. RESEARCH
Bibliography and Work-Cited

38. BIBLIOGRAPHY
Clark, Jerusha. When I Get Married--: Surrendering the Fantasy, Embracing the Reality. Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 2009. Print.
Davis, Lisa Selin. "All but the Ring: Why Some Couples Don't Wed." Time. Time, 25 May 2009. Web. 21 Mar. 2012.
<http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1898346,00.html>.
Flanagan Ph. D., Kelly. "Marriage Is for Losers." UnTangled. 2 Mar. 2012. Web. 21 Mar. 2012.
<http://drkellyflanagan.com/2012/03/02/marriage-is-for-losers/>.
Goudreau, Jenna. "Why Men and Women Get Married." Forbes. Forbes Magazine, 27 May 2010. Web. 21 Mar. 2012.
<http://www.forbes.com/2010/05/26/why-do-men-women-get-married-forbes-woman-well-being-love-money.html>.
I, A. N. "Relationships." Why Women in Their 20s Rush into Marriage. Hindustan Times, 11 Sept. 2011. Web. 21 Mar. 2012.
<http://www.hindustantimes.com/Lifestyle/Relationships/Why-women-in-their-20s-rush-into-marriage/Article1-766849.aspx>.
Moss, Aron. "Why Get Married?" - Readings. ChaBad.org Lifecycle Events, 27 Feb. 2006. Web. 21 Mar. 2012.
<http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/361650/jewish/Why-Get-Married.htm>.
Rodolfo, Mendoza-Denton. "The Fantasy of Perfect Love." Perfect for Me. Psychology Today, 14 Mar. 2012. Web. 21 Mar. 2012.
<http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201203/the-fantasy-perfect-love/perfect-me>.
Simon Ph.D., Caroline J. "The Fantasy of Perfect Love." Illusive Lovers' Dreams. Psychology Today, 14 Mar. 2012. Web. 21 Mar. 2012.
<http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201203/the-fantasy-perfect-love/illusive-lovers-dreams>.
Stosny, Steven. "The Fantasy of Perfect Love." Love Big, Think Small. Psychology Today, 2 Mar. 2009. Web. 21 Mar. 2012.
<http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201203/the-fantasy-perfect-love/love-big-think-small>.
White Ph. D., Mark D. "Maybe It's Just Me, But..." Why Get Married? The Value of Commitment. Psychology Today, 3 Aug. 2010. Web. 21
Mar. 2012. <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201008/why-get-married-the-value-commitment>.
Wright, H. Norman, and Wes Roberts. Before You Say "I Do": A Marriage Preparation Manual For Couples. Eugene: Harvest House, 1997.
Print.
"The English Bride: Why Marry? The Purposes of Marriage." University of Michigan. Web. 21 Mar. 2012.
<http://www.umich.edu/~ece/student_projects/wedding_bride/purposes.html>.

39. WORK-CITED
Davis, Lisa Selin. "All but the Ring: Why Some Couples Don't Wed." Time. Time, 25 May 2009. Web. 21 Mar.
2012. <http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1898346,00.html>.
Goudreau, Jenna. "Why Men and Women Get Married." Forbes. Forbes Magazine, 27 May 2010. Web. 21 Mar.
2012. <http://www.forbes.com/2010/05/26/why-do-men-women-get-married-forbes-woman-well-being-
love-money.html>.
Rodolfo, Mendoza-Denton. "The Fantasy of Perfect Love." Perfect for Me. Psychology Today, 14 Mar. 2012.
Web. 21 Mar. 2012. <http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201203/the-fantasy-perfect-love/perfect-
me>.
Simon Ph.D., Caroline J. "The Fantasy of Perfect Love." Illusive Lovers' Dreams. Psychology Today, 14 Mar.
2012. Web. 21 Mar. 2012. <http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201203/the -fantasy-perfect-
love/illusive-lovers-dreams>.
Stosny, Steven. "The Fantasy of Perfect Love." Love Big, Think Small. Psychology Today, 2 Mar. 2009. Web. 21
Mar. 2012. <http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201203/the-fantasy-perfect-love/love-big-think-
small>.
White Ph. D., Mark D. "Maybe It's Just Me, But..." Why Get Married? The Value of Commitment. Psychology
Today, 3 Aug. 2010. Web. 21 Mar. 2012. <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-
me/201008/why-get-married-the-value-commitment>.
Wright, H. Norman, and Wes Roberts. Before You Say "I Do": A Marriage Preparation Manual For Couples. Eugene:
Harvest House, 1997. Print.