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The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life
THE GAME OF
 YOU R L I F E
 Pl ay to w i n and b e c ome a
       champion in l i fe
The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life
THE GAME OF
 YOU R L I F E
 Pl ay to w i n and b e c ome a
       champion in l i fe




      REX S. GIBSON
Copyright © 2010 by Dr. Rex S. Gibson




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e Game of Your Life

              TABLE OF CONTENTS
Dedication                                                          7
Foreword                                                            9
Introduction                                                       13

      1st Half of the Game: Why We Fail at the Game of Life

Chapter 1        Fear: Why We Choke in the Big Game                17
Chapter 2        Problems: Game Stoppers                           21
Chapter 3        Living in the Past: e Games We Lost,
                 but Can’t Seem to Let Go of                       33
Chapter 4        Justi cation: No Matter What the Excuse,
                 You Still Lost the Game                           37
Chapter 5        Bad Data: Playing Tennis with a Baseball Bat      41
Chapter 6           e Head Game: e Loudest Heckler                 47

            2nd Half of the Game: How to Win the Big Game

Chapter 7           e Game of Life: First Read the Instructions    55
Chapter 8           e Best Game Plan: Everyone Wins                63
Chapter 9        Purpose: Your Secret Weapon for Success           67
Chapter 10       Reality: Play Your Game and Play to Win           71
Chapter 11       Luck: Create It, Don’t Rely On It                 75
Chapter 12       Ethics: Guaranteed Personal Victory               85
Chapter 13       Con dence and Courage: Your Two
                 Greatest Teammates                                89
Chapter 14       Goals and Targets: First Down,
                 Touchdown, and Victory                           103
Chapter 15       Time: Creating More Time on
                 the Game Clock                                   121

    Overtime:      e Score is Tied: Score the Game Winning Goal

Chapter 16       Finances: e Energy to Create New Games           135
Chapter 17       Business: Building Your Fan Base for Success     145



                                                                    5
Rex S. Gibson

Chapter 18     Spirituality: e Game that Sets You Free   163
Chapter 19     Relationships: You’re the Captain,
               Pick the Right Team                       175
Chapter 20     Gratitude: Embrace Your Opponents         185

                          Bonus Section

Create Your Game and Map Out Your Plan for Success       191

Conclusion                                               211




6
e Game of Your Life

                       DEDICATION
  is book is dedicated to all “Players” of      e Game.


First and foremost, I would like to thank my beautiful wife Emily, for
without her help, I would never be the success that I am today. She has
been an inspiration as well as an incredible teammate. She has played every
position a player could…from bat boy, to player, to coach and con dant.
As the saying goes, behind every successful man, there is a great woman.
  anks honey…I LOVE YOU!


Next, I want to thank my children for giving me inspiration, keeping me
grounded, and helping to remind me that life IS a game and to always
keep my childlike perspective of life. It is through their eyes that the game
should be played. I also want to leave this book to them to help remind
them as they grow to not lose their own “kid vision” as so many adults do.
May you always play and prosper through games my loves!


  is whole book would not be possible without my parents.        ey gave me
life and raised me with ethics and morals.     ey impressed upon me what
can be achieved through good ‘ol fashioned hard work and never wavered
from a “you can do anything” attitude. I draw strength from each of their
lives and nd inspiration in their marriage. I love you Mom and Dad!


I want to say “   ank you” to all the coaches I’ve had throughout my life;
from my peewee baseball coach, to golf coaches, to inspirational life
coaches. No elite athlete gets to the top without the unsung heroism of
great coaches. So I raise my glass to ALL coaches and say, THANK YOU!



                                                                           7
Rex S. Gibson

Finally, I want to dedicate this book to all the readers. It is YOU I wrote
the book for. It is YOU who may be my next teammate in a business
venture or helping me coach my son’s baseball team. I trust you will nd
inspiration and motivation to create your life how YOU see it. I know
you have the strength to achieve all that you set out to do…and you now
have the keys to unlock your potential. I postulate that you will ourish
and prosper in abundance through games and rocket to the top, standing
on the top podium receiving the gold medal in “     e Game of Your Life”!




8
e Game of Your Life

                        FOREWORD
Somewhere there is an Ultimate Creator. One absolute source from
which everything and everyone is created.


Everything that is comes from this Creator. It holds the stars in place
and gives the moon its light. It is powerful enough to give the sun
its intense energy and delicate enough to construct a rose in absolute
stillness.   is creative source contains all energy that ever was or will
be, It is neither created or destroyed, it is the cause and e ect of itself.
It not only has no end, but also no beginning - It Just Is.       ere is no
end to what this Creator can do.


For no other reason than for time’s sake, I will refer to this Creator as
“Grace” from this point on.


One day Grace decided to create a place to play (as Rex will tell you).
Now, where would the Grand Organizing Designer of the Universe to
go play? A Playground, of course!


But Grace rst had to carefully select and create this playground. It
needed plenty of equipment so Grace happily began to construct the
entire thing. When all said and done, the playground had slippery
slides, giant swings, epic sandboxes, and a merry-go-round that would
blow your mind!


It had every single aspect in order to have a blast and play with no
worries...one problem, Grace needed some playmates! If you are all
alone on this epic playground you eventually become exhausted from


                                                                          9
Rex S. Gibson

running alongside the merry-go-round before bravely hopping on to
watch the clouds spin above your head!


Grace had so many things to do in the playground and in nite games
to play. So one day, a er a long nap, Grace took each game it wanted
to play, one by one and carefully thought about how to play.


One by one, Grace made the rules for each game. A er completing the
game, Grace picked out a certain skills the players of the game needed
and with absolute certainty, made the PERFECT playmate to play the
game with.        e combination could not be more perfect. Grace picked
the game and the playmate in such a way that they could both have fun
every day, constantly improve and above all - be Happy!


How is this relevant?


     e perfect playmate is you.        e perfect game is your life and the
playground is this entire planet.          e purpose is to have fun while
playing with your playmates (especially the one who created you).


     e point of me telling you this story is to prove the point that Rex states
many times throughout this book. His entire philosophy is based on
one basic premise: Life is A Game!


He teaches you how to take even the most stressful, serious, and
discouraging events in your life and how to transform those negative
experiences into an event that empowers you to become better, to
transform yourself and to Enjoy Everything!



10
e Game of Your Life

If there is anyone who is quali ed to teach this philosophy, it is Dr. Rex
S. Gibson. He has one of the most successful pediatric dentistry clinics
in the United States (as well as many other successful entrepreneurial
ventures), his income level is in the top 1% of the population and he
has a wonderful family life in which everyone is healthy and happy.


  e most important and amazing thing about all of this is how he
literally enjoys every single day. Sure he has days that are extremely
challenging and frankly where others may give up, but he takes on
seemingly impossible challenges, turns them into “games” (he’ll explain
that later in the book) and comes out on top a better businessman
and a better person. You see, the best measure of one’s character is
not how they behave when success is present, but rather how they act
when things get tough. Rex’s character is consistent and true in all
circumstances and his results prove it.


I have read hundreds of personal development books; seemingly
everything from Anthony Robbins to Zig Ziglar and while they have all
helped me in some way, Dr. Gibson’s book that you are about to embark
on has had one of the greatest impacts upon my personal and business
life to date. I thank Rex and I congratulate you as you begin this new
“Game” of your LIFE!



In-Joy Every Page!
Jeremy D Brown
Author of several books including: No Limit Living: How to            ink
Big, Act Bold and Live With Purpose
International Speaker, Author and Entrepreneur
President and Founder - No Limit Publishing



                                                                       11
The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life
e Game of Your Life

                  INTRODUCTION
When you are a kid, life is full of fun and of games. It doesn’t matter
what the game is. It could be red rover, dodge ball, checkers or baseball.
They simply enjoy the game. Children are not burdened by real
world problems like taxes, mortgages, car payments, jobs, marriages,
and money. Children go to school and look forward to their future.
Remember saying, “I can’t wait to be an adult”?


As we grow up, society forces us to get serious about life.    ey want us
to believe that it’s no longer fun and games. It is ingrained in us that
we need to fear the consequences of life and act with caution. Society
sucked the fun out of life. It stole the childlike dreams we had as kids.
Slowly you begin to believe that life really isn’t fun. All the fun and
games are gone.      e reality, of course, is that the world didn’t change—
you did.   e only distinction between the games that kids play and the
games that adults play is the considerations of the players. Life is full
of games, but when the game stops being fun, we lose interest and don’t
want to play anymore.


   is book was written to help you understand how life IS a game, WHY
it is sometimes di cult, and HOW you can recapture your youthful
outlook on life to stack the deck in your favor so you can win the game
of life!


I grew up playing and competing in all types of sports. As I grew up
and decided on a career, I knew I wanted to work with people and help
the people I was working with. As I progressed through my training
as a dentist, I found myself able to relate well with children and they


                                                                        13
Rex S. Gibson

related well with me. It seemed that we operated on a similar frequency.
Kids love games and I considered myself to be a big kid. It was as if my
career found me. As I started my career, I used and applied techniques
from motivational speakers I had read or heard and coaches in my
past to create and grow my practice. As I grew as a person, I began to
re ect on life. Drawing inspiration from the little people I help every
day, I began to assimilate a theory of life, an amalgam (dental humor)
of universal principles which prove that kids have it right. Life is a game
and it should be played like a game, with unbridled enthusiasm and an
over the ramparts zeal for life.


     is book will help you lay out the rules of the game, understand and
avoid the obstacles to success, and cultivate the skills necessary to keep
your eye on the ball to hit that home run, every time. By the end of
this book you will recapture the thrill of victory as you come across the
 nish line rst, relive the roar of the crowd as you catch the winning
touchdown pass, and revive the passion which helps every Olympian
to greatness. See you in the winner’s circle!


Now…let the game begin!




14
1ST HALF OF THE GAME:
 WHY WE FAIL AT THE
     GAME OF LIFE
The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life
e Game of Your Life




               CHAPTER 1
        FEAR: WHY WE CHOKE IN
            THE BIG GAME
        “Each time we face our fear, we gain strength,
           courage, and con dence in the doing.”

                         – Author Unknown

Fear is a sensation we feel when we are in danger. Fear can be boiled
down to its simplest element: the threat of loss. Fear, or threat of loss,
can be further broken down into a gradient scale. At the low end of
the scale, it reaches from no fear (not afraid to lose anything), to mild-
moderate fear (could lose something valuable, but not too valuable),
all the way to ultimate fear (fear of loss of life). Any time a person feels
fear, he or she feels threatened in some way.


   ink about fear in terms of “ ght or ight.” Imagine a quarterback,
well protected by his lineman, taking his time to nd an open receiver,
delivering the pass and scoring yet another touchdown. No pressure
made for a great outcome. Now imagine the quarterback whose
lineman can’t seem to hold back the defense. He is under pressure
every play. He has to scramble out of the pocket on every play and

                                                                         17
Rex S. Gibson

takes the relentless abuse of sack after sack. Now obviously, we are
not discussing life and death, but when you see an angry, 6’4”, 350
pound man barreling toward you with the intention of mashing you
into the ground, you may feel that your life could be in danger. In the
first example, there is no threat. You are comfortable. The second
example creates a different feeling. Your sense of awareness would
shoot to another level. You would likely be making plans to protect
yourself to prevent injury or worse. You would be much more attuned
to the situation.


     “FEAR is an acronym in the English language for
           ‘False Evidence Appearing Real.’”

                      – Neal Donald Walsch

The strongest urge people have is survival, and fear is based in
this need to survive. Survival is your most fundamental need, and
every decision you make is based somehow on your need to survive.
Furthermore, all decisions that affect you personally can also affect
everyone you come in contact with. For example, when you decide
to cross the street, you collect the information, process it, and decide
on the best way to cross without endangering yourself or anyone in
the area. When you make that good decision, it means that your kids
still have a father to come home to them, the office still has a valuable
worker, society still has an upstanding part of the community. Even
though it seems like a simple example, it proves my point that
every choice is based on making pro-survival decisions, and that all
decisions affect all aspects of your life and beyond.



18
e Game of Your Life

If at any time in your daily interactions with people you feel that this
need for survival is threatened, you instantly feel fear. If you truly dissect
the things in your life which bring you fear, then you will see that the
root of that fear is the tension between your desire to survive and the
threat that you will lose the means to ensure your survival.


         “Many of us crucify ourselves between two
     thieves—regret for the past and fear of the future.”

                           – Fulton Oursler

But where does fear come from and why do we experience it?                  e
answer lies in failed success. We all want to succeed and success comes
from being RIGHT.          e more o en you are right, the more success
potential you possess. To the degree that a person experiences failure,
that person’s success potential is lessened. It is simple…if a person’s
ability to succeed is threatened, the individual feels fear. We will discuss
in later chapters how to overcome fear, but for now, knowledge is power.
Knowledge sheds light on once unknown subjects. With this small light,
we take our rst step to conquering the game of life.




                                                                           19
The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life
e Game of Your Life




          CHAPTER 2
    PROBLEMS: GAME STOPPERS
    “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of
        thinking we used when we created them.”

                          – Albert Einstein

Our daily life is a tapestry of barriers; if we choose not to nd solutions
to these barriers, chances are we will never succeed. When we are faced
with a barrier, we view it as a problem that hinders our path to achieving
a certain goal. A problem can be de ned as a situation that has the ability
to paralyze a person and stops their ability to continue or move forward.
All problems can be looked at instead as situations. Here, I use the word
“situation” because situations tend to have resolutions while problems
do not. Problems tend to linger with no resolution in sight, while
situations are merely a set of circumstances which require a resolution.
Whether your circumstances are a problem or a situation depends
entirely on you. Most people continue to focus on the problem rather
than focusing on nding a resolution to the situation and preventing
similar situations from happening in the future. If carefully analyzed,
you can usually see that a majority of problems stem from confusion
and/or incorrect information. If you do not have the correct information


                                                                        21
Rex S. Gibson

or the information is mixed up, chances are you will nd yourself stuck
with a problem because it is di cult to x a situation that is confusing
or laden with bad information.


               “Don’t be pushed by your problems.
                     Be led by your dreams.”

                              – Unknown

For instance, once I was lost in Chicago and needed to get to the
Comiskey Park. I was in a part of town that I was unfamiliar with and
decided that I needed to get directions, so I asked a random stranger.      e
guy gave me directions which lead me 40 blocks in the wrong direction.
     is created quite a problem because I was disoriented, confused, and
becoming stressed. Even though I did exactly what the stranger told
me to do, I was given incorrect information which resulted in an even
worse situation. Another common example that occurs in everyday life
is when a friend or family member gets into an argument and tells you
his or her side of the story. In recalling the incident, he or she may fail to
provide certain details, or even alter the incident to cast themselves in a
more favorable light. Due to the missing or altered information, you may
come to an incorrect conclusion. You might even create more con icts,
and take actions based on altered information. In this case, you didn’t get
any wrong information; you just didn’t get all of it, which creates another
problem. It is equivalent to having to solve a mathematical equation
that never seems to come together correctly because you are missing a
key component. Like in the Star Trek movie when Spock comes back
from the future and talks to Scottie, who has been struggling with an
equation he couldn’t seem to solve. Spock reveals a missing piece to


22
e Game of Your Life

the formula and Scottie is able to see the solution…problem solved.
In real life, it is sometimes di cult to look objectively at a situation to
 nd those missing links. We need to take o our rose colored glasses,
obtain all the correct information, eliminate confusions, and seek the
truth. In the truth lies the solution to all problems.

     Responsibility = Problem Control
From a person’s own point of view, a problem that lingers too long is
considered something that is wrong. People even say that when they
are perplexed with a problem.       ey say “Something is wrong!” It is a
wrongness.      ese can breed into arguments and con icts. Let’s see
how. Anyone can take credit for a job well done, but when it comes to
a problem, there are few who are willing to raise their hand and accept
the punishment. It is a basic human desire to be right. Subconsciously,
we believe the more we are correct, the greater our success potential.
When problems arise, we do one of two things: nd a solution and move
on with life or point the blame in a direction away from ourselves. If
we do the latter, we tend to place that blame in one of two categories:
things and other people.


Blaming an inanimate object for your problems sounds crazy, but
people do it every day. It is comical to observe a fully grown adult
kick a car because it has a flat tire, or watch a person yell at a lawn
mower because it stopped running. Although such things occur every
day, this is truly the stuff that insanity is made of. Our other favorite
target, of course, is other people. Since it is a basic human trait to
believe that we are right, then they (whomever you have elected) must
be wrong. In this fashion, we allow ourselves to save face and retain
our self-confidence.

                                                                        23
Rex S. Gibson

The real key to controlling or reducing problems is responsibility.
(This is a truly deep subject and you may need to reread this section
a few times to absorb the entire concept.) The more responsibility
you assume for everything around you, the more control or in uence
you will have over it. You cannot control anything over which you
assume no responsibility. Have you ever seen the commercials on TV
for the starving children in third world countries? I’m not suggesting
whether should send money or not. I am merely pointing out that
these commercials are a good example because they ask you to take
responsibility for the kids, and by taking responsibility and donating
money, you can help feed those children.


       “ e problem is not that there are problems. e
       problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that
               having problems is a problem.”

                          –     eodore Rubin

Now let’s take this concept to the next level. If personal responsibility
must be taken in order to exert control and in uence over a particular
situation, then it stands to reason that in order to exert control overt
con ict or problems, one must assume responsibility for them as well.
     is is to say that you must assume full responsibility for causing the
entire situation, both what you did to create it and any reaction from
others who are in the situation with you. A great example of this is when
a customer gets really heated up at a store clerk. If the clerk enters into
the con ict, then the match is ignited, and a ght begins, but if the
clerk simply states, “I can see why you feel that way, and I can help you
with this situation,” the argument is over. By accepting responsibility,
the clerk is able to be in control of the problem.
24
e Game of Your Life

At this point, some of you might be thinking, “Hey Rex, are you saying
that it is best to cow down, roll over, and give up?” Let me be clear: I
am not suggesting that you admit you are wrong just to keep the peace.
I am suggesting that you simply realize that you have a part in any
con ict or problem. If you were mugged in an alley, the reality is that
you chose to walk instead of taking a cab. If someone is mad at you
because of a joke you made, you decided to tell the joke. If you run out
of gas, you were the one who passed three gas stations and chose not to
 ll up when you had the chance. It is not easy to look at ourselves and
examine our role in the con icts of our lives, and it takes real courage
to accept responsibility for causing the situations that give us trouble. It
is easy to lay the responsibility on someone else’s shoulders, but doing
so is for the weak and uncreative.


I suggest you look at the situation from the other person’s perspective.
Analyze the situation and ask, “What did I do to make this happen?” and
“What can I do to correct it?” Look for possible misunderstandings—
maybe you didn’t explain something well.         e more you start to take
responsibly for the reactions you receive, the fewer problems you
will have with other people. Remember, you cannot have control or
in uence over anything unless you assume responsibility for it. If you
sit back and watch the scene as it unfolds, you will see the truth.
Remember: problems come from confusion and faulty information.
A customer becomes upset either due to confusion or to having
received bad information. It is your job at this point to unravel the
situation either by finding and correcting the wrong information,
or by finding the misunderstanding and helping the customer to
comprehend.



                                                                         25
Rex S. Gibson

Here is a helpful hint about what to look for:

     1. Who or what was the source of information? Good
        information must come from reliable and unbiased
        sources that offer complete and unaltered data.
        (Examples of unreliable sources: “my next door
        neighbor said”…”I saw it on the internet”…”my grandpa
        used to say.”)

     2. Do you understand what is being said or what is
        written? ere is an old phrase- If you don’t know
        the words, you cannot sing the tune. e same is true
        of our language. If you do not understand the words
        correctly, you cannot understand correctly what is
        being said or written. How upsetting it is to try to speak
        or understand a person who is using a foreign language
        that you do not know. Especially if they seem to be
        trying to communicate something important. We need
        to also consider that we may not know all of the 20,000+
        words in our own language, and that perhaps we are
        hearing the words but do not have the right meaning.


Once the source of the confusion is found and corrected, the upset
individual can comprehend the situation. Once understanding is
reached, you will see him or her come up in emotion and attitude.


Understanding comes from being able to duplicate or replicate something
exactly.   is is why it is so important to make sure that the data comes
from reliable sources and that there are not any misunderstanding
with the words that were used. Imagine putting together a Christmas
present for your child. You pull all 258 parts out of the box, open the
instructions, and nd that they are written in Chinese.         at is likely
going to cause you confusion, frustration, and di culty when it comes


26
e Game of Your Life

to assembling the toy.      is same principle can be applied to other
people in di erent situations. Unfortunately, people do not come with
instructions or a nice step-by-step guide; therefore, it is important that
you take responsibility, and use your skills of observation to duplicate
and obtain understanding. Just like the upset customer or the “some
assembly required” toy, the better you can duplicate a situation, the
more control and in uence you have over a situation.

   Key Components of a Problem Solver
    1. Be willing to analyze a situation objectively. A person
       who keenly discerns where the problem lies and what
       piece of information is needed to solve it will be more
       likely to come up with a reasonable solution. A er the
       missing link is found, you need to correct the existing
       information and take steps towards overcoming
       obstacles that exist between you and the solution. All
       top athletes and teams look for ways to improve, and the
       best of the best analyze without emotion. ey simply
         nd the key to better performance and implement it.
       Finding the missing piece of information is not enough
       if nothing is done with it.

    2. Do not have excessive pride of authorship. We love
       to be right, but people who have excessive pride of
       authorship can’t look at their work critically because
       they are too emotionally invested in their own creations.
          ey cannot look at their own work with fresh eyes,
       and thus cannot nd where there may be errors. Don’t
       allow yourself to have excessive pride of authorship
       if you want to solve problems. No man is an island,
       and no one has all the answers, so you need to open
       yourself up to constructive criticism in your personal
       and professional life. Even Tiger Woods, arguably the
       best golfer in history, has a coach. Once you realize that

                                                                       27
Rex S. Gibson

         you can learn from others’ advice and experiences, you will
          nd yourself opening up to solutions in places you never
         realized were options.

     3. Understand that answers come from an unlimited
        stream of venues. The answer to questions can come
        from any number of places, so you cannot close your
        eyes to any potential venue. e answer may be in the
        least likely place. Where did aspirin come from? Answer:
        The bark of a tree. This is an unlikely place to find a
        pain reliever, but it proves that answers can come from
        anywhere. Be willing to nd truth wherever it may live! e
        winning answer can come from anywhere.

     4. Always be open to the answers. I love the saying, “Don’t
        ask the question if you don’t want to hear the answer.” In
        order to nd answers, you need to possess a passion to look
        for a solution even if it comes from an unlikely source. You
        also must be willing to accept that answer. e foolish man
        looks past truth in search for a better truth. What I mean is
        don’t just look for convenient truths— nd real truth. Again,
        top athletes who remain at the top for years nd ways to
        recreate their greatness. Andre Agassi changed his coach
        and his workout and as a result saw a resurgence to the top
        of the standings when many thought he was “over the hill.”
        As they say, the truth is not always pretty, but only when
        you nd and use real truth can you be a true problem solver.

     5. No excuses: get the job done. Successful problem solvers
        don’t o er excuses. No one really cares why you didn’t
        complete a task on schedule, or what your excuse is for
        making a mistake. Powerful people just do what they have
        to do, correct any bad products, and apologize for wronging
        someone. is is what separates average athletes from the
        elite. Elite athletes simply get the job done. No one wants
        excuses, and whenever you o er an excuse, it takes the
        power out of your apology.

28
e Game of Your Life

6. Accept responsibility. The person who accepts
   responsibility for a problem will get it solved. I am
   not referring to personal responsibility, but rather full
   responsibility for the situation. Become the parent of
   that problem and be willing to stick with the problem
   until it is fully resolved. Sometimes those problems go
   away quickly and sometimes they take longer, but the
   key is responsibility. For example, consultants come
   in, take responsibility, and x a broken business. ey
   take it on, analyze it, x it, and then give it back. My
   wife was an auditor for years, and she would go in, nd
   the problems, nd the outpoints, and then provide
   solutions. She single handedly took a $25 million
   company out of bankruptcy in one year because of the
   amount of responsibility she was willing to take on.
   She literally took that company’s game from a losing
   season to the Super Bowl.        at is what great coaches
   do.      ey take full responsibility for their team and
   “make the win.”

7. Be decisive: don’t waste time. Problem solvers view
   time as a precious commodity and don’t feel the need
   to take a vote on every topic or issue. Some problems
   may require gathering information to make a decision.
   Good problem solvers collect data, analyze the
   information, make a decision, and take responsibility
   for that decision. In baseball, you may only get three
   pitches. You cannot just wait around for another. You
   may not get another chance. Be decisive. If you are
   wishy-washy, you will tend to blame someone else and
   not take responsibility.

8. Be willing to fail. All great leaders and successful
   people have failed at some point in their lives. If you
   are not willing to fail, you will never succeed because
   you will never put yourself in a position to succeed.
   Michael Jordan was the top basketball scorer in history,

                                                               29
Rex S. Gibson

         but how many baskets did he miss? Babe Ruth holds the
         record for home runs, but he also ranks 94th in career
         strike outs! If you want to be great you have to try, and
         with trying comes occasional failure. With every failure
         comes a little lesson that you can learn from the next
         time. You must be willing to fail so you can see these
         lessons. ere are very few things in life that can’t be
         recouped or xed. Making a bad decision is like taking
         a wrong turn: just back up and get on the right path.


      “Every great man, every successful man, no matter
       what the eld of endeavor, has known the magic
        that lies in these words: every adversity has the
           seed of an equivalent or greater bene t.”

                        – W. Clement Stone

     Why do people give up when they have problems?

People give up when they become overwhelmed.           e confusion of the
situation becomes too great for them to handle and they simply shut
down to attempt to protect themselves. When you are not armed with
defenses, you become an easy victim, and are easily overwhelmed
in one fell swoop, much like when America overwhelmed Japan in
WWII with the atom bomb, but overwhelming a victim can be a slow
and insidious process. Over time, each attack weakens the victim and
leads ultimately to a total overthrow.     is is exempli ed by a boxing
champion.      e champ seems unfazed early on in his career, but later;
multiple blows to the head and body accumulate, leaving the champ
vulnerable to losing his title.




30
e Game of Your Life

       “The best years of your life are the ones in
     which you decide your problems are your own.
      You do not blame them on your mother, the
     ecology, or the president. You realize that you
               control your own destiny.”

                             – Albert Ellis

Problems can overwhelm people just like any other force.         ey can
come in a large, devastating form like the crash of the stock market,
the loss of a loved one, or a natural disaster.   ey can also accumulate
over time, like president Clinton’s multiple a airs, evading taxes over
the years, or excessive drinking. Either way, problems eventually weigh
down your attitude and slow your performance.


Here are some simple steps to follow when you start feeling overwhelmed

    1. Reduce confusion. Research and find accurate
       information that allows you to create a workable plan
       to solve a problem. Also, clear up anything that you
       don’t understand about a situation. With these two
       things accomplished, you have a platform from which
       to launch a program to solve any situations that you
       may be facing.

    2. Shed the weight and clean up the clutter. As we said
       before, small problems can accumulate and eventually
       become large problems. Assess your situation, and solve
       any small problems that confront you. Handle each one
       in a prioritized manner from most urgent to least. Be
       decisive and act with con dence.




                                                                     31
Rex S. Gibson

      3. Do not allow further accumulation of clutter. Simply
         handle obstacles and barriers as they come up. Do
         not procrastinate. Keep your runway clear for takeo ,
         because if you need to scramble the jets, you don’t want
         to waste time cleaning junk o the tarmac.

      4. Win. Unfortunately, there are winners and losers in life.
         Losers are overwhelmed; winners overcome barriers
         and obstacles to eventual victory. is is not to say
         that you will win every battle; just don’t lose because
         you gave up. Never go out without a ght. Go down in
          ames of glory.

     Even though we don’t want problems,
        we must have them to survive.
One nal note on problems: problems are part of the game of life. What
I mean is, if you got rid of all of your problems, you would not have
a game le to play. Games are made up of rules, obstacles, and goals.
     e problems of life are our obstacles. WE NEED PROBLEMS!!!         ey
are puzzles for us to gure out, so have fun with them. Play with your
problems like a cat plays with a ball of yarn.     e point of this chapter
is not to get rid of all your problems; it is to help you deal with them
e ectively so they do not create obstacles in your life.




32
e Game of Your Life




         CHAPTER 3
     LIVING IN THE PAST:
THE GAME WE LOST, BUT CAN’T
     SEEM TO LET GO OF
Reliving past failures is the biggest mistake humans make. We continue
to judge ourselves based on what happened in the past. We tie these past
failures—this garbage—to ourselves and drag it around like a ball and
chain, and then when we are called upon to make a decision, instead
of looking at the relevant data of the current situation, we look at our
ball and chain for the answer. It is this method of decision making that
holds people back. Now, I’m willing to bet that each one of you is saying,
“I don’t do that!”   at, too, is garbage. We all do it. I’m not saying this
to berate you—I am just stating facts.


Every athlete, whether playing pee-wee baseball, high school basketball,
college football, or professional golf, has encountered this. It can make
or break that athlete. What golfer hasn’t stood over a two foot putt, a
gimme by any means, and had something in the back of his head say
“don’t miss that…you’re going to miss that….miss it”? It is like hearing
the guy in the stands saying, “hey batter, batter, batter…swing batter,”
and you swing at a horrible pitch. Great athletes nd a way to break
through, drop the garbage o at the curb, and move on to victory lane.

                                                                        33
Rex S. Gibson

In     e New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, the author explains that we have an
ego, which is you, the pure you, your spirit. We also possess what he
calls a “pain body.” L. Ron Hubbard also describes these two concepts in
his book Dianetics: Modern Science of Mental Health as the analytical
mind and the reactive mind. Others have described it as “the devil on
one shoulder and the angel on the other.” It doesn’t really matter what
you call it, the result is the same. When we hurt ourselves physically
(like breaking a leg) or mentally (like failing at something), it leaves a
scar, whether physical or mental. Knowing that we like being right and
do not like being hurt, we simply lump all painful experiences into the
same category and avoid them. When we draw on these past painful
experiences we make bad decisions that prevent us from expanding
into new horizons and trying new endeavors. It is a safety mechanism
used to protect us from our past bad decisions by keeping history from
repeating itself. It is animalistic…it is designed for self preservation.
     e problem is that it can lead to irrational behavior or poor decision
making.


Avoiding making the same mistakes repeatedly is a useful tool. I believe
Einstein said, “     e de nition of stupidity is doing the same thing over
and over and expecting a di erent result.” I do not want you to repeat
the poor decisions of your past, but I don’t want the past to keep you
from reaching for higher aspirations.


     is protective mechanism is like the low oil indicator light on the dash
of your car.       e di erence is that the human “low oil light” turns on
even when the oil isn’t low: it could turn on when it is close to low, or
if it thinks it might get low.     e di erence is that the car is using real
data, and your indicator is using emotional data.


34
e Game of Your Life

People, because we like to be right, try to make good decisions based
on good information.       e best decisions come from taking the most
current data and formulating the most pro-survival answer for yourself
and others around you, but unfortunately, your protective mechanism
doesn’t do that. Let’s take, for example, the housing boom of the early
2000s. Many people bought, built, and sold multiple houses while the
prices of houses were increasing by double digits each year.        at was
a good decision based on good data.        en came the housing crash of
2006-2007.     e downturn in the housing market came quickly and
caught many people o guard. It created grave nancial troubles for
our entire economy. Now, if you were one of those caught o guard, the
protective mechanism of the ball and chain would tell you, “You made a
big mistake. You are stupid. You should never invest in real estate again.”
If you were to analyze the situation, however, you would nd that the
decisions you made about real estate investment were sound, and made
with the best and most current information you had available. Never
investing in real estate a er the housing market crash of 2006-2007 is
like saying you will never walk near an orange tree because one time
many years ago you walked by one and an orange dropped on your
head, or that you should never eat food from a restaurant because one
time it made you sick.


Reliving old failures fogs up your perception of the wonderful
possibilities in the present moment. Say, for example, a top downhill
skier has an terrible crash in the Super-G, resulting in knee joint
blowouts, a fractured pelvis, a dislocated le shoulder and three broken
ribs. A er the body heals, the racer is le with the memory of the
crash, the pain of the injuries and the agony of the recovery. It would
be understandable for the racer to simply retire. His instinct says that
if he were to race again, he would get hurt again. He may even go to
                                                                        35
Rex S. Gibson

the extent of never getting on skis again.      e event may have le him
with such a mental scar that fear now pervades his every thought about
skiing. Any analytically thinking person would know that one accident
does not mean you will have more, but it is the power of reliving past
failures that gives the previous incident control over you. You use
all your past information to help you cope with the present moment
because you want to stay safe, but the real e ect is that this action creates
obstacles in your life.


        “Only when we are no longer afraid do we
                    begin to live.”

                          – Dorothy       ompson




36
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         CHAPTER 4
       JUSTIFICATION:
NO MATTER WHAT THE EXCUSE,
  YOU STILL LOST THE GAME
Why did you fail? Just ask and people will give all sorts of reasons.
Many of these reasons point to people and factors other than the person
answering the question.        ese are called justi cations. Justi cations
explain away failures and mistakes. No one likes to be wrong, and
people will go to great lengths to make themselves right despite any
actual failure or wrongness.      ey will give all manner of reasons why
something did not get accomplished, and they will blame someone else
for their failure, or better yet, they will blame an animal or an inanimate
object for the failure.


People spend an absurd amount of time and energy giving wimpy,
Why I didn’t do this, or Why I didn’t nish that speeches. Excuses
and justi cations are protective coping mechanisms used to convince
ourselves that we are right and there must have been some outside force
that kept us from reaching our goals. In reality, nothing could be farther
from the truth.     e truth is that you could have nished the task, but
you allowed some other element to deter you from your goal.


                                                                        37
Rex S. Gibson

Just like any other form of brainwashing, if you hear something
enough, you will begin to believe it. Individuals tell themselves and
possibly other people why they failed, and as they do this, the lies gain
momentum and power. Finally, after hearing these false truths enough
times, they begin to feel okay about not accomplishing their goals.
In the end, not only do the individuals feel okay about the failure,
but they may even create other justifications as to why they shouldn’t
attempt that task again later.


Justification, excuses, and blaming others are irresponsible behaviors.
The truth is, anything can be accomplished if the correct strategy
is taken in combination with some good old fashioned hard work.
Nothing in life that is worth having is easy to obtain.


I want to tell you a story that is very special to me. It is a story from
which I have found much inspiration and hold very close to my heart.
Here is a true success story about a man named Richard. I know this
man very well, and he told me this story many years ago. It touched
me and has helped me during times when I felt I could not muster
the chutzpah to drive forward. Richard’s father died in WWII when
he was a child. His mother remarried an abusive alcoholic who
lacked the motivation to keep a steady job and was in and out of jail.
When Richard was about thirteen years old, his stepfather got out
of jail and decided to move the family to California. Richard stood
his ground and refused to move away from his hometown with an
abusive, alcoholic stepfather. A few years later, his mother died in a
house fire and his guilt stricken stepfather committed suicide. Richard
had lost not only his own father, but his mother and stepfather by his
fifteenth birthday.


38
e Game of Your Life

Although this story is sad, I didn’t tell it so you would feel sympathy
for Richard. I told you this as the beginning of a great success story.
With all the drama and trauma that Richard endured throughout his
childhood, he could have easily blamed others for his circumstances and
taken a life path that would have led to crime, alcoholism, and possibly
his demise.      is is not what happened.


          “You can’t hit a home run unless you step up
          to the plate. You can’t catch a fish unless you
         put your line in the water. You can’t reach your
                      goals if you don’t try.”

                           – Kathy Seligman

Richard worked on oil rigs as a teenager, and eventually put himself
through college, had a family, and owned his own company.            is is the
American dream, but is also a story of hard work and perseverance. I
wouldn’t be telling you this story if Richard had blamed everyone else
for his life circumstances and made excuses about why he never made
anything of his life. I tear up every time I tell this story. Whenever I start
to feel sorry for myself and want to throw in the towel, I think back to
Richard and all that he overcame to win the game of life.         is man has
been pivotal in so much of my life. He has been my motivation and my
inspiration—he was even my best man when I got married. When I think
that times are tough, I simply remember the story of Richard Gibson and
say, “     anks, Dad. You are my hero!”


If you know you are sidestepping success by convincing yourself it can’t
be done, at some point you are going to have to face the music. You must
face yourself and realize that all the excuses you have made about why it

                                                                           39
Rex S. Gibson

can’t be done are nothing more than excuses you invented. As the saying
goes, no one will take care of your business like you.     is holds true
for your life. Only you are going to make your life a success, and only
you can push past the excuses and justi cations of your own failures.


            “It is easy to dodge our responsibilities,
            but we cannot dodge the consequences
                 of dodging our responsibilities.”

                      – Josiah Charles Stamp

It takes energy to explain away your failures. If you spent as much
energy nding solutions to your circumstances, you will not only create
a solution, you will also not have wasted any additional energy with
excuses. Stay away from justi cations and excuses. It comes down to
personal integrity and ethics: take full and personal responsibility for
all failures. No one cares about why you didn’t get the job done. Your
excuses are only to make yourself feel better about your own failure.
Make yourself great by succeeding. Evaluate the aspects which may have
contributed toward the failure, eliminate those aspects, and redirect
your energy toward success!


You need to change your attitude from “Who can I blame?” to “How do
I get this done?” Once you do this, you will begin to empower yourself
and you will become much more successful.      is will make you stronger,
faster, and better, but only you can do it. Take charge of your own life.
Begin to create, take responsibility, and live from your own truth. Be a
leader among your fellow men and women; donate what you learn so
others can win too.



40
e Game of Your Life




            CHAPTER 5
     BAD DATA: PLAYING TENNIS
       WITH A BASEBALL BAT
            Opinions Are a Dime a Dozen
  ere are people who specialize in stopping others from succeeding.
I don’t mean that people are literally employed to stop other people
from achieving their goals, but it sometimes feels that way. At times,
you will undoubtedly be surrounded by naysayers and dream killers.
  ere’s no way to know for certain why some people are like that, but
it is o en because you make them come face to face with their own
failures. Naysayers and dream killers are people who have experienced
lots of failure in their lives, and because of that, they are bitter and resent
people who succeed. Instead of working toward success in their own
lives, they choose to spend their energy telling others why they can’t or
shouldn’t reach for their goals.


Let’s say that you have a dream to take an invention to market. Naysayers
might tell you all the reasons that you should not embark on your
endeavor.     ey will do their best to deter you from your dream. It might
be because they had ideas for inventions but never followed through,
or because they attempted to follow through and failed. If you were to


                                                                            41
Rex S. Gibson

succeed with your invention, it would be like rubbing salt into their
wounds. Of course, that is not your intention, but that is how it would
feel to the naysayers.


Some of the greatest inventors faced the greatest ridicule. Many of the
modern conveniences we have today were ideas that people laughed at.
Inventions and things of great importance came out of throwing out old
ideas and traditions. People used to agree that the earth was at, and
when Christopher Columbus rst said it was round everyone said he
was crazy! Sometimes the ideas that people hold as fundamental truths
are the very ideas that are false and holding people back from success.


As long as your goal is set and you are passionate about it, let no one
detract you from your mission. Listen to yourself and ask, “What is the
right thing to do for me?” Stop listening to people whose only mission
is to tell you why you can’t achieve what you desire.   ere are, of course,
times when others have valid input, and these t into the category of
constructive criticism. If they are trying to intercede and help you avoid
pitfalls and move you closer to success, then listen and consider what
they are saying.


              “No one can make you feel inferior
                   without your consent.”

                         – Eleanor Roosevelt

Finally, whether the person is a naysayer or is o ering constructive
criticism, evaluate the source of the information. Many times we take
others’ opinions and make them our own without taking into account
the source of that opinion. Poor sources come in the forms of, my

42
e Game of Your Life

neighbor said, or the internet said, or my mom always did it this way.
You need to learn to analyze the data and not allow bad information
or opinions to be your downfall.


When a sherman casts out a net, he will catch sh but he will also
bring in all the other junk from the lake.      e smart sherman will si
through the whole bounty, keep the sh, and throw back the junk.             e
foolish sherman will keep everything that he drags in, regardless of its
worth. Poor decision makers are like foolish shermen—they cast out a
net and bring in all types of random information that may or may not
be bene cial in their decision-making process. When you don’t separate
the sh from the trash, you end up going hungry because you’re lling
your mind with junk.      e smart, successful person is the one who takes
the time to pick out all the junk, leaving only the good stu , and making
a decision based on the quality information.


With all this being said, you should realize that it is going to take practice
to interpret information accurately. To avoid making bad decisions
based on poor data, ask yourself the following questions:

    1. Is the source of the opinion a naysayer, or is he or she
       o ering constructive criticism?

    2. What is the source of this opinion and how did this
       person arrive at this opinion?

    3. Is your situation the same or di erent from the person’s
       who is giving the advice? How so?

    4. What do you believe to be the Truth? (Decide
       for yourself !)

                                                                           43
Rex S. Gibson

Opinions: everyone has them. Surround yourself with people who will
o er you constructive criticism that is designed to increase your chances
of success. In the end, you are capable of si ing through good and bad
data. Follow the four steps above and you will be well on your way to
becoming a better decision maker.

      Intuition: Go With Your Gut Feeling
        “    is is the nature of genius, to be able to grasp
                the knowable even when no one else
                     recognizes that it is present.”

                          – Deepak Chopra

What if I do all the exercises you gave me and I STILL can’t make a
decision? Not all decisions are made from perfect data. Even though it
is important to use all data at hand to render the best possible solution,
sometimes you are still missing information and the solution doesn’t
seem clear. In cases like this, your intuition needs to be your guide.
     is means having faith in yourself and listening to what you believe
is truth, regardless of what direction the data may point. When you are
going through the decision-making process and you are si ing through
the net to weed out the garbage and gather only the good information,
remember to ask yourself how you feel about the information you have
gathered.     is is extremely important.    e best decisions are the ones
that combine good data that points to an obvious choice and that gut
feeling that says, “You did the right thing.”


              “O en you have to rely on intuition.”

                              – Bill Gates
44
e Game of Your Life

What is your heart telling you? What does your gut say? Write down
the situation and all of its possible solutions.   rough the process of
elimination, cross o any solution that does not help get you closer to
your goals. If you are le with two or three options at this point, pick
one using your intuition. Decision making is not a democracy: good
decisions are not based on a majority vote. We need to start learning
to use our own minds. Learn to think for yourself—use your thoughts,
not someone else’s. Use your gut and make a decision for your own life.
  e best decisions are always decisions that make you feel good.     ey
 ll you with a sense of overall peace. You become excited and energized,
and you have an overwhelming feeling of BOOM get her done! You
 nd yourself saying things, taking actions, and getting results instead
of continuing with activities and conversations that will not move you
closer to your goal.


     “When I’ve heard all I need to make a decision, I
         don’t take a vote. I make a decision.”

                         – Ronald Reagan




                                                                    45
The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life
e Game of Your Life




               CHAPTER 6
            THE HEAD GAME:
          THE LOUDEST HECKLER
At this point in the book, we have discussed surface level whys. Yes, you
must use good data to make good decisions, drawing on past painful
experiences can mislead you, and fears and problems hold us back.
Now is it time to discuss the deepest parts of the mind.         is chapter
will answer many questions, but it might bring about even more.           is
chapter is about you—and I mean the real you.        e spark that animates
the body you run around in. Authors like Eckhart Tolle, Rhonda Byrne,
Don Miguel Ruiz, L. Ron Hubbard, and many more have o ered answers
to the human mind and spirit.        ese writers were all pointing to the
same fact. Some were much more clear and succinct than others.            e
terminology that I have seen used to de ne mind and spirit have been
Ego / Pain Body, the Id / Ego / Super Ego, or the devil on one shoulder
/ angel on the other; every author is alluding to the same thing: there is
an unknown, hidden, aberrant part of our mind that can take control
of our thoughts and make us do the most irrational things.


We will discuss spirituality in later chapters, but for now let us consider
that there is a spiritual side to life. Let us consider that there are three
parts to a person, a spirit, a mind, and a body. You are not your body or

                                                                         47
Rex S. Gibson

your mind, you have a body and you have a mind. If you allow me to
point something out to you as you read this, you use the word my in
front of referencing your mind and your body. We all do. Why? They
are possessions. So what are you? You are the third thing, the spiritual
being, which does not mean anything else than you are you. So it is
inaccurate to say I have a spirit because you are one. This is one of the
greatest simplicities of life that was too simple for the complicated
sciences to see. Much like the law of gravity. Apples always fell and
no one noticed that there was a fundamental principle at play called
gravity. You are a spiritual being. Now do not get confused or feel
weird, we all are spiritual beings. Again, so many other definitions of
the word spirit exists that people are confused by the word. Let’s keep
it simple because it is: it is defined as you, the one who is reading and
comprehending this book, not your body or your mind.

     Your Mind: A Help or a Hinderence?
You have observed, as I have, that your mind can either aid you to
think in rational terms and help you move ahead, OR it can hinder you
with doubt, unwanted emotion, indecision, and the “mental debates”
inside your head, that can often be mistaken for healthy thinking or
“careful consideration” when they are really laced with fear..


There is a part of your mind that is very powerful, and can override
your analytical thought process. It is the part of your mind where all
painful experiences are stored. It reminds you of all your mistakes and
failures. It is the part of the mind where FEAR lives. It is that little
voice that talks to you and tells you, “You are going to fail. Be careful,
remember what happened last time you did that.”



48
e Game of Your Life

It is important to understand that we become fearful when we are
threatened with loss, and if we made a mistake in our past, that
memory tends to replay in the present. Therefore, when a situation
closely resembles a previous painful experience, your past losses can
override analytical thought and cause you to react in a manner which
may not be appropriate or logical for the situation. We have all seen
this happen to others.


Here are a few examples to clarify:

    1. You miss the game winning free throw. The team
       and fans are disappointed. Analytically, you have an
       85% free throw average, but your confidence in your
       ability to come through in the clutch is shaken. Next
       time you are in the same situation, you know that you
       can make the basket, but the past losses kick in and
       go to work and prevents you from being the hero.

    2. You dated a cheerleader and the relationship did not
       work out. Now, six years later, you will not date an
       ex-cheerleader, because the previous relationship
       with a cheerleader did not work out, so this won’t
       either. Even though the two cheerleaders are different
       people, those painful experiences left in your mind
       identify them as the same and responds the same
       way to both.

    3. You fell and broke your leg while skiing. Now you
       don’t ever want to go skiing again because you don’t
       want to get hurt. Analytically, you realize that you
       can safely ski down the mountain, but when you
       attempt to go skiing, you cannot shake the thought
       of your broken leg.



                                                                  49
Rex S. Gibson

     e real question is: how do I know if I am being logical and objective
or fearful and controlled by my past losses?         ere are a few questions
you can ask yourself in a fearful moment:

      1. What emotion am I feeling right now? If it is fear
         or anger, you are probably not thinking logically or
         analytically.

      2. Am I really in danger? If you are exaggerating the
         potential consequences, then write down two or three
         real consequences that could result from this situation.
         See if there is anything signi cant that could truly
         harm you.

      3. Is the current situation similar to a past failure? If
         so, how? And how is it di erent? Dissect the current
         situation and nd out why it is di erent, why you failed
         previously, and take corrective actions to avoid the
         previous result.

      4. Have courage to act on logic. Do what is rational,
         logical, and analytical.

                 Truth Is Di erentiation
When you hang on to past losses, you will tend to see very few di erences
in situations.   e present situation will seem so similar to the past situation
that you will think you are heading for another mistakes causing yet
another loss. “WE CAN’T HAVE THAT”, says the mind, so it overrides
your ability to think rationally and see the di erences in the current
situation and the past situation which created the loss in the rst place.
When you maintain the ability to see both the similarities and di erences
in things, you will discover you can trust your judgment and decisions.

50
e Game of Your Life

  ere is always a way to make something succeed, you just might have
to put some energy into nding an alternate route. It takes courage not
to react to the part of your mind that is telling you “You can’t,” or “You’re
going to fail,” or “Be careful, you could get hurt.” At this point you may
be asking yourself, “How am I supposed to overcome this dialogue of
failure?”    e above four questions can help in a pinch, but to really
correct the part of your mind that inhibits you and all of its harmful
e ects, you will need help beyond what I can o er in this book. Books
like   e Secret and A New Earth have attempted to shed some light on
what we are discussing in this chapter, but in order to truly understand
the mind and to ensure that you can trust your mental clarity thus
decision making, I highly suggest reading Dianetics: Modern Science
of Mental Health by L. Ron Hubbard.         is book o ers in-depth insight
into the mechanics of the mind and how to eliminate the parts that hold
you back from a full and meaningful life.




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The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life
2ND HALF OF THE GAME:
HOW TO WIN THE BIG GAME
The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life
e Game of Your Life




          CHAPTER 7
      THE GAME OF LIFE:
FIRST READ THE INSTRUCTIONS
Games are fun: just ask any kid. As a child, everything is a game, from
seeing how fast you can run up and down the stairs, to hide and seek, to
learning math. As adults, we tend to shorten our scope regarding what
we consider a game. We limit a “game” to monopoly, baseball, poker,
etc. But what do GAMES have to do with Life?


  e answer: EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING


  ere are a lot of similarities to life and games we have all played.     e
RULES of the game determine the accepted conduct for the game. It
creates an understanding for all players as to what is legal and illegal
in the game. It is the establishment of what we cannot do and what
freedoms the players have in the pursuit of victory.     e OBSTACLES in
a game are the things that keep you from winning. It is the proverbial
“go to jail card” or the “go back three spaces” spot on the game board.
Obstacles are anything that gets in your way to a fast and easy victory.
Finally, what would a game be without GOALS? How would you know
when you have won the game? How would you know when the game
is over? And what is the purpose of the game?          e goal is the desired

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Rex S. Gibson

outcome.      e goal is the event that, when reached, concludes the game.
     e goal is the purpose for playing the game. As we go through the
2nd half of the game, let’s remember that life has rules, obstacles, and
goals, therefore, life IS a game!


Can you remember someone telling you as a kid, “Life isn’t all fun and
games”? Well, as a kid, it was. As we grow into adulthood, our games
get more complicated, but nonetheless, they are still games. As adults,
instead of buying houses to put on our monopoly property, we buy real
houses on real property worth real money.          e game hasn’t changed—
your perspective on the game did. As adults, the real world can seem
so serious: the consequences for our actions are more serious, and it
doesn’t allow enough room to have fun. Because of this, we revert to
our childhood visions of fun: games. Many of us look for outlets to play
games. We need fun in our lives, so we join a coed so ball team or play
poker with some buddies on Friday night.


If you allow yourself, you can make a game out of anything. Look
around, life is full of games—just ask any kid. Use childlike eyes to
recapture the fun of life. Play life like a game. Set goals, play by the rules,
overcome obstacles, laugh, win or lose, but for goodness’ sake have fun!


Life is no fun without games, so know the rules, overcome the barriers,
and win the game of life.

             What Are the Rules of Life?
In order to win any game, the rules must be known and followed.
Without rules, a game cannot commence, because everyone in the game



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needs to be playing by the same rules.       is keeps the game fair.     ere
also need to be penalties for breaking the rules to keep the game fair
and maintain the integrity of the game.


Every game is slightly di erent, and you must read the directions to
understand the rules thoroughly, but the basics stay the same: don’t
cheat, don’t steal, treat others like you would like to be treated, be worthy
of trust, do not murder, set a good example, etc.    ese are the same rules
that most rational people use to guide them through the game of life.


Although these basic rules are a good set of guidelines to follow, life is
full of hundreds, if not thousands, of di erent sub-games. Each sub-
game presents its own unique set of circumstances and challenges. Each
sub-game can have rules that are subtle or speci c. In order to overcome
those challenges, you must know the rules. First, you must seek out the
rules. Do not assume you know the rules unless you have already played
the same game. Ask what the rules are. Write them down if you must,
but know them and follow them.


Please understand, I’m not asking you to follow some of the rules and
ignore others. I’m not suggesting that all rules are intelligent, or even
based in logic, but they are still the rules. An example is driving 55 mph
on two-lane highway.       is is an antiquated law, written at a time when
fuel was scarce and cars were ine cient and had fewer safety features.
  at does not change the fact that when the sign says “Maximum Speed
Limit 55 mph,” it means you should not drive more than 55 mph on
that stretch of highway. We will get into ethics in later chapters, but for
now su ce it to say that personal ethics and following the rules is the
only way to truly win the game of life.


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Rex S. Gibson

                  Overcoming Obstacles
Now we will discuss the barriers that keep us from reaching our goals.
Between the beginning of a journey and the nal destination, you will
need to pass over, around, or through one or more obstacles or barriers. I
bring this point up not to be negative, but to enlighten you about the fact
that barriers, which can derail your path and lead to failure, loom around
every corner.    ey are just waiting for you to make a mistake or lower your
guard. In order to reach your goal, you must remain alert and vigilant,
never allowing your attention to be pulled away from your goal. If you
see someone who has achieved a high level of success, you are also seeing
someone who has overcome many obstacles and adversities in her life.


     roughout your journey, you will see some barriers coming, and others
will seem to pop up out of nowhere. Whether the obstacle is known or
unknown, you will need to navigate the waters to reach your goal. One
of the sayings I live by is, “Plan for the worst and work toward the best.”
When you take that attitude, you can be prepared for the unexpected,
or at least be able to handle an unexpected situation that arises with
con dence and skill. Just like Bear Grylls from the show “Man Versus
Wild,” the more prepared you are for the unexpected; the easier it will
be for you to overcome the barriers that oppose you. Each obstacle you
come up against o ers the opportunity to throw in the towel.           at is
the job of obstacles: to get you to give up. It is you against the barriers,
mano-a-mano.


My feelings on this subject run deep. In college, I wanted to get a tattoo,
but not just any silly tattoo. I wanted it to have meaning. I wanted it to
be something that inspired me when I saw it. In my research, I came


58
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across a saying written in hieroglyphics. It is translated as, “He who
desists a er attack is the strengthener of the enemy’s heart.” Nothing
rings more true. NEVER GIVE UP, BECAUSE IF YOU DO, YOU GIVE
POWER TO YOUR OPPONENT.                is slogan is with me all the time,
imbedded in my skin. To this day, I draw power from it and use it daily.


Too many people give up on their dreams because the obstacles have
overwhelmed them.       ey set out on a journey with a goal in mind, but
as soon as the going gets rough, they pack it in and decide to give up.
In order to achieve a high level of success and maintain that level, you
must build the proper emotional and mental capacity to perform your
absolute best every single day. You must also have the mental fortitude
to stay the course and not allow anything to stop you from reaching your
goals. In other words, you must be seasoned for success. Success is not
for the faint of heart. Success is a learned behavior, achieved through
hard work, sweat, and—unfortunately sometimes—tears.          e more you
succeed, the more you will continue to succeed; success breeds success.

                   What Is Happiness?
When are people the happiest? When they are winning. Happiness is
achieved through success…through overcoming life’s obstacles and
barriers while working toward your goals. Part of that formula is
overcoming obstacles, fears, and barriers including the unseen obstacles
that pop up unexpectedly. As discussed earlier, when you set a goal and
move toward it, all manner of obstacles will present themselves. Some
of these obstacles are predictable and some are not as obvious. Look
at life’s little obstacles like the game Whac a Mole. As an obstacle pops
its head up, you whack it and wait for the next one. When it shows up,
you handle it and wait for the next one. If you play the game of life like

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Rex S. Gibson

a game of Whac a Mole, you will nd that obstacle and barriers become
their own sub-game. As you whack each mole, you get one step closer
to winning the game.


      “Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I’ll give you
      a man who will make history. Give me a man with
           no goals and I’ll give you a stock clerk.”

                              – J. C. Penney
 Basic Rule of Life: You Grow or You Die
     ere is a law of nature that if you are not growing, you are dying.     ere
is absolutely nothing in between. Take a look at nature: trees don’t stop
reaching for the sun.     eir whole lives they are moving up toward the sun,
pushing themselves to get closer to that goal. As soon as the tree stops
reaching for the sun, it begins its death. Human beings are the same.         e
day you stop growing as a person and looking for the next goal to attain
is the day you stop growing and, hence, the day you begin the descent
toward death. We see this happen when older people are deemed unable
to care for themselves and placed in an adult care facility.        is is not to
say that adult care facilities are bad, but the reality is that the average stay
at an adult care facility before the person passes is less than two years.
Some would argue that the person had failing health, and that may be,
but if you combine fragile health with the loss of the ability to attain new
life goals, the person stops growing and begins dying.


Growth is defined as expansion whether personally, emotionally,
educationally, or spiritually. When you stop expanding, you begin to
shrink.      ink about a rock thrown up in the air.        e rock goes up to


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its maximum height, there is a moment that the rock stops going up,
and at that moment the rock begins to descend.        is is no di erent for
humans. We are born, we have no choice but to grow and learn, and
at some point when we reach adulthood, we either continue to grow
or we begin our descent toward our ultimate demise. Expansion is the
key to continued happiness, regardless of the circumstances around
you. A person does not have to expand and grow like a rocket ship; a
person just needs to continue moving forward, even if it is at a slow
pace. Progress is progress!


Remember, happiness comes through the PROCESS of overcoming life’s
challenges while seeking to reach their goals.People can have happiness
as long as they have further goals to attain. Once a person stops reaching
for more, setting goals, and expanding as a person, happiness is a thing
of the past. So, if you nd yourself unhappy, realize that you must not
have a game to play. Set a goal, de ne the obstacles to overcome, be
happy, and grow, grow, grow!

Time Out: Taking a Break from the Game
  ere is a misguided belief in our society that tells people to take a
break, smell the roses, and retire early.   e concept is well intentioned,
but the people giving that advice don’t realize that retiring early could
have detrimental side e ects, and that being busy is really what creates
happiness. I recommend and practice small breaks or vacations instead.
A long weekend can do a lot to recharge your batteries. Sometimes
a break can be something very simple. For example, I take mental
vacations by going to motivational seminars.        is may seem confusing
to you, but what is the purpose of a vacation? To recharge, to get more
energy, and to regenerate yourself so you can start looking for di erent

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Rex S. Gibson

ways to accomplish your goals. I get all of this energy and information
from other motivational speakers. One of the biggest turning points
in my life was when I nally decided it was okay for me to be busy. I
decided that, not only was it okay, but it was a really good thing, and
it made me happy. Once I stopped listening to people who wanted me
to slow down and take a break and allowed myself to be busy, I started
accomplishing so much more and, as a result, became happier and more
satis ed with my life.


       “Happiness is a matter of one’s most ordinary and
        everyday mode of consciousness being busy and
              lively and unconcerned with self.”

                              – Iris Murdoch

Do more, take on more, and continue to move toward your goals. I
have no desire to retire at     y—not even at sixty. I am not sure I will
ever stop. I might play a di erent game, but I will never stop trying to
achieve more and do as much as possible.         e day you stop striving
to reach that next level is the day you die. No truly successful people
stop working.      ey continue setting new goals, strategizing ways to
reach those goals, and working relentlessly to achieve those ends.    ey
continue not because they have to, but because it makes them feel good.
It gives them a sense of satisfaction and contentment.


     e drug of powerful people is goal attainment.


       “Obstacles are those frightful things you see when
              you take your eyes o your goals.”

                           – Sydney Smith
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e Game of Your Life




                  CHAPTER 8
             THE BEST GAME PLAN:
               EVERYONE WINS
We have discussed many things up to this point, and if you absorbed
even half of the concepts, you are well on your way to setting and
attaining higher and better goals. There is one concept which can
act as a decision lighthouse guiding you home to a place free of bad
decisions.


In order to understand this concept, we must establish some
background information. People always align their efforts toward
their goals. This is true of all people! The vast majority of people are
working toward constructive / good goals, but there are the exceptions.
The exceptions may not even realize that they are moving toward
destruction, but outside observers can see it easily. The person who
works toward destruction / failure has given up due to too many
failures. So, those persons whose efforts seem to moving them in the
path of destruction / failure ARE aligning their efforts toward their
goals…their goal to fail.    So, you are aligning your efforts…IS IT
CONSTRUCTIVE or DESTRUCTIVE?




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Rex S. Gibson

         No person is an island.
  No person can exsist or succeed alone.
               Winning At Games In Life
Quite simply the best decisions we all can make in life would consider
the broadest parts of life or the greatest bene t to the greatest number
of people and things. We will call this the GREATER GOOD for short.


     is is how you create the best of all possible scenarios.


We do not live in a perfect world where the perfect choice is available
to us. A perfect choice would be one that bene ts all things and people
involved. Here we have a question of percentages. What is the highest
percentage of bene t to the most things the decision or activity touchs.


     us as we roll along through our life, we can commit to making our
decisions along the line of the greater good.


     ose decisions would be respected by the most number of people and
would prove out in time to be milestones toward our success.


As discussed in the previous section, the best solution must incorporate
the greatest good for the greatest number of people and things involved
or in uenced by your decision. A solution or decision can only be made
based on information that is known at the time of the decision.       is
is why I suggest collecting as much information as possible regarding
a particular situation before rendering a decision or selecting a path
of action.


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New information comes to light every day. With new information, you
will invariably nd that some of your best decisions were wrong.            is
tends to make you feel like you made mistakes.       is is the wrong way to
look at it.   ere may be new information today that you were not privy
to when you made the decision, but that does not invalidate the previous
decision. It simply means you need to create a new best solution and
make the appropriate corrections. C’est la vie—that’s life. Life’s path, like
a car going down the road, will require many corrections. Live today
and make the best decisions based on all of today’s data.


         Rule: Bene t the Most and Harm the Least!

        Best Solution is Based on All the Information
                   Available at at Time

                          e 24-Hour Rule
This pearl of wisdom has kept me from making bad decisions in
moments of high emotion. Have you ever heard some gossip or received
some information that infuriated you?          ese situations come up in
life all the time, and when they do, you feel compelled to act or react
immediately.     e 24-hour rule can keep you from going o half cocked
and regretting your actions later. Remember when we discussed the
reactive mind and how it can make you act irrationally?             ere is a
fail safe switch. Giving yourself some time to re-analyze and see THE
DIFFERENCES in a situation can lead you back to a good decision.


When a highly emotional situation comes up which seems to require an
action to be taken, don’t do anything. Wait, collect all the data—good
and bad—si through the information, and formulate an initial decision.

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Rex S. Gibson

If the decision does not require immediate action, wait 24 hours to review
the information and ensure that your initial decision is the correct choice
for you. You will nd that when the emotion dissipates, you can maintain
your composure and use your reasoning mind to create the best solution.


     e more you train yourself to look for the truth in a situation, and give
yourself time to process the information, the more high quality decisions
you will make.      e more this becomes a habit, the fewer regrets you will
have. Although being decisive and making snap decisions is a desirable
quality for successful people, rash decisions never created a winner.

          Quick Guide to Good Decisions
     ere are four questions you can ask yourself when making a decision.
     ese four questions will help you decide whether the solution that you
have come up with is the best possible solution:

      1. Is there any relevant information that I can draw on
         from the past?

      2. Is the solution created from all current information
         at hand as opposed to past presumptions or failures?

      3. Does the solution create the most good for the majority
         of people and things involved or in uenced, or the least
         harm to the majority of people and things involved or
         in uenced by the solution?

      4. Have I given myself ample time to allow any emotion to
         dissipate and therefore not a ect my decision-making
         process?



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              CHAPTER 9
         PURPOSE: YOUR SECRET
         WEAPON FOR SUCCESS
      “ is is the true joy in life, the being used for a
     purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one;
      the being thoroughly worn out before you are
      thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of
      nature instead of a feverish sel sh little clod of
      ailments and grievances complaining that the
     world will not devote itself to making you happy.”

                     – George Bernard Shaw

To review, a game has rules, barriers, and goals, but why do we play
the game at all? Why do we need a goal? The answer to these questions
touches on the deepest, most basic need in humans: purpose. It is the
why, the drive, and the reason for doing what you do. The purpose
of having a goal is that it gives you a reason to keep playing the game
of life. When you get down to the basics, it gives your life meaning,
and it is necessary if you want to keep moving forward. If you’re not
moving forward you might as well pack it in and accept mediocrity.



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The bigger the goal, the bigger the obstacles, and the bigger the
reward; the main thing you have to focus on when you are moving
forward through these obstacles is your why. Your why is the core
reason or purpose that you have for reaching that goal. When you set
a goal, ask yourself why you want to reach it. Keep asking why until
your answer gives you goose bumps. When this happens, you have
discovered your true why.


For example, you may have a goal to earn a certain amount of money
every month. Let’s say your goal is to earn $20k on a monthly basis.
Now, ask yourself why you want to earn that amount of money. Why
do you want to earn $20k monthly? Possibly because this will give
you the house and the lifestyle you desire.


Why do you want to have that particular lifestyle? Hmm, good
question. You may want the house because of the large rooms and the
open space. Well, why do you want the big rooms and the open space?
Do you see my point here? You must keep asking yourself why you
want to reach your particular goal. As you do this, your final answer
will describe how reaching your goal will give you some type of feeling.
Emotion is the fundamental impulse of the universe, and it motivates
our every action. The more you are in touch with your why, the more
emotionally attached you will be to your goal.


I cannot stress enough how critical it is for you to define what you
want. You must have a definite purpose and a definite plan for the
attainment of that purpose. If your goal relates to business, how many
people will it take to make your company as big as you want it to grow?
Continue to ask yourself questions to gain more clarity.


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      e Right Purpose—                    e Right Answer
When it comes to your life and your purpose, there is no right or
wrong answer. Purposes are as individual as snowflakes. What is right
for you may not be right for me. Being a computer analyst might be
your passion, while it will never be mine. This does not make it wrong.
I loved cars when I was growing up, and still do. I loved anything
with a motor. I look back on my life and I am pretty fortunate that
my parents wanted me to have a good education, and even though I
didn’t’ become an over the road trucker, or a NASCAR driver, I pursue
my passion for cars in other ways. I have owned, modified and sold
many, many cars. I have even had cars on the cover of Popular Hot
Rodding. So, even though I didn’t use my passion for my occupation, I
made sure my passion stayed in my life. The only wrong answer is not
to follow your own path. The focus should not be on right or wrong
so much as on choosing your own path instead of allowing someone
else to define your purpose.


When you nd your purpose and set a goal that you are passionate
about, nothing can stop you from attaining your dreams!


    “All religions, arts, and sciences are branches of the
    same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward
      ennobling man’s life, li ing it from the sphere of
    mere physical existence, and leading the individual
                       toward freedom.”

                         – Albert Einstein



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The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life
e Game of Your Life




             CHAPTER 10
      REALITY: PLAY YOUR GAME
         AND PLAY TO WIN
What Is Fake Real and What Is Really Real
I once read that “Reality is what we all agree on”: the grass is green, race
horses are fast, and rocket ships go into outer space. Actuality is what the
individual perceives and holds to be true. It is a subjective thing.      at
isn’t to say that actuality is widely held truth. Christopher Columbus had
to prove that the earth was round; he knew it was, but he had to prove it
to the masses in order for his actuality to become other people’s reality.


You must realize that what is actual for you, may not be actual for another
person.    us it is not a reality, by the de nition above. Because of our
varying life experiences, our perceptions can be quite di erent. Every
person has lived a di erent life, with di erent circumstances, and di erent
perceptions. As the saying goes, if you were to ask ten witnesses about the
same accident, you would get ten di erent recollections of the situation.


You should base your decisions on your own actuality. Another word
for actuality is belief. Successful people believe that they are right.
  ey know that their actuality is correct, even if there is no other solid


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Rex S. Gibson

evidence to prove it. Conviction of your own beliefs or actualities is
what separates leaders from followers. How did Einstein come up with
the theory of relativity? Did he agree with others? No. He used his own
mind, followed what he knew to be true, and created his own actuality.
     en his actuality was tested, continued to hold true, and it became
reality for others.


What is truth? Truth is only truth if you believe it to be true. In other
words, something is true only if you nd it to be true.        e color red to
someone else will never be the same as the color red you see through
your own eyes. Have you ever heard a rumor about someone that you
knew was untrue?       is rumor could be widespread, but nevertheless,
is false, no matter how many people spread the lie. Seek to know and
live with the truth.


Many times in life we are frightened because something is unknown to
us; however, if you train yourself to see the truth in situations, it will
take the fear out of life. For example, if you were to walk through a
haunted house for the rst time, when the ghosts, goblins, or demons
jump out at you, it is scary. When you walk through the second time,
however, you are expecting those things and you are ready for them, so
it is no longer scary. You must analyze the information and make the
best decision with the information you have at the time.         is includes
any information from past experiences.


When you nd your own truth and lter the lies from the data, you learn
to disregard all the junk. You learn to see a situation for what it truly is.
Your vision starts to become clear and things become less scary in your
life.    e more you continue to work on this and keep focused, the more


72
e Game of Your Life

it becomes a xed habit in your life.       is takes practice and dedication,
but it can help you advance your life to a higher and richer level.        e
more de ned your truth becomes and the more it is incorporated with
integrity, ethics, and your morals, the stronger you become and the less
intimidating life will be.


Fear blinds truth. People look away from things they fear, so any
situation that contains fear must be viewed and evaluated for the
actuality in it. A dark alley can be a scary place, but once that alley is
 ooded with light, it no longer has the same e ect. If you do not face
your fears and illuminate them with truth, you will be doomed to repeat
history and be haunted by past failures. I’m not saying that looking at
your fears is easy, just that it is necessary.   e hardest part about facing
your fears is nding the truth.        e truth is not always pretty, but it is
true. Once you have faced fear and seen truth with conviction and
courage, you will nd yourself swelling with power you never thought
you had. It is this power that magni es your chances of expanding and
achieving all of your goals.


      “Fear can’t hold a candle to unswerving faith,
      much less muster up the guts to even attempt
                      to blow it out.”

                                – B. G. Jett




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The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life
e Game of Your Life




              CHAPTER 11
         LUCK: CREATE IT, DON’T
               RELY ON IT
     “I’m a great believer in luck, and I nd the harder
               I work, the more I have of it.”

                        –     omas Je erson

You hear it every day: “He’s so lucky to live in that house,” or “She’s
so lucky to have that job.” Luck can be de ned as good fortune that
came to someone without his or her own doing. When most people
speak of luck, they are usually speaking of good luck. According to the
de nition above, people are helpless victims of their own lives rather
than being active players who control the outcome of the game. Luck
is actually a product of hard work combined with a good strategy and
the correct amount of e ort directed in the proper places to achieve a
certain outcome. Derek Jeter is a top baseball player and has remarkable
natural talent, but he would not be as great as he is without taking
batting practice every day. Top athletes know that there is very little
luck involved in their successes. It is a matter of being prepared and
creating a foundation of basics that create success. Keeping this in
mind, an individual can either choose to cause things to happen, or be


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The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life
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The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life
The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life
The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life

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The Game of Your Life: Play to Win and Become a Champion in Life

  • 2. THE GAME OF YOU R L I F E Pl ay to w i n and b e c ome a champion in l i fe
  • 4. THE GAME OF YOU R L I F E Pl ay to w i n and b e c ome a champion in l i fe REX S. GIBSON
  • 5. Copyright © 2010 by Dr. Rex S. Gibson All   rights   reserved.   No   part   of   this   book   may   be   reproduced   or   transmitted   in   any   form   or   by   any   means,   electronic   or   mechanical,   including  photocopying,  recording,  or  by  any  information  storage  and   retrieval   system,   without   permission   in   writing   from   the   copyright   owner. For   information   on   distribution   rights,   royalties,   derivative   works   or   licensing   opportunities   on   behalf   of   this   content   or   work,   please   contact   the   Publisher   at   the   address   below   or   via   email   info@ nolimitpublishinggroup.com. COMPANIES,   ORGANIZATIONS,   INSTITUTIONS,   AND   INDUSTRY  PUBLICATIONS:  Quantity  discounts  are  available  on  bulk   purchases  of  this  book  for  reselling,  educational  purposes,  subscription   incentives,   gifts,   sponsorship,   or   fundraising.   Special   books   or   book   with  your  logo  on  the  cover  and  a  message  from  a  VIP  printed  inside. No  Limit  Publishing  Group 123  E  Baseline  Road,  D-­108 Tempe  AZ  85283 info@nolimitpublishinggroup.com This  book  was  printed  in  the  United  States  of  America No  Limit  Publishing No  Limit  Enterprises,  LLC 1601  E  69th  Street,  Suite  200 Sioux  Falls,  SD  57108  
  • 6. e Game of Your Life TABLE OF CONTENTS Dedication 7 Foreword 9 Introduction 13 1st Half of the Game: Why We Fail at the Game of Life Chapter 1 Fear: Why We Choke in the Big Game 17 Chapter 2 Problems: Game Stoppers 21 Chapter 3 Living in the Past: e Games We Lost, but Can’t Seem to Let Go of 33 Chapter 4 Justi cation: No Matter What the Excuse, You Still Lost the Game 37 Chapter 5 Bad Data: Playing Tennis with a Baseball Bat 41 Chapter 6 e Head Game: e Loudest Heckler 47 2nd Half of the Game: How to Win the Big Game Chapter 7 e Game of Life: First Read the Instructions 55 Chapter 8 e Best Game Plan: Everyone Wins 63 Chapter 9 Purpose: Your Secret Weapon for Success 67 Chapter 10 Reality: Play Your Game and Play to Win 71 Chapter 11 Luck: Create It, Don’t Rely On It 75 Chapter 12 Ethics: Guaranteed Personal Victory 85 Chapter 13 Con dence and Courage: Your Two Greatest Teammates 89 Chapter 14 Goals and Targets: First Down, Touchdown, and Victory 103 Chapter 15 Time: Creating More Time on the Game Clock 121 Overtime: e Score is Tied: Score the Game Winning Goal Chapter 16 Finances: e Energy to Create New Games 135 Chapter 17 Business: Building Your Fan Base for Success 145 5
  • 7. Rex S. Gibson Chapter 18 Spirituality: e Game that Sets You Free 163 Chapter 19 Relationships: You’re the Captain, Pick the Right Team 175 Chapter 20 Gratitude: Embrace Your Opponents 185 Bonus Section Create Your Game and Map Out Your Plan for Success 191 Conclusion 211 6
  • 8. e Game of Your Life DEDICATION is book is dedicated to all “Players” of e Game. First and foremost, I would like to thank my beautiful wife Emily, for without her help, I would never be the success that I am today. She has been an inspiration as well as an incredible teammate. She has played every position a player could…from bat boy, to player, to coach and con dant. As the saying goes, behind every successful man, there is a great woman. anks honey…I LOVE YOU! Next, I want to thank my children for giving me inspiration, keeping me grounded, and helping to remind me that life IS a game and to always keep my childlike perspective of life. It is through their eyes that the game should be played. I also want to leave this book to them to help remind them as they grow to not lose their own “kid vision” as so many adults do. May you always play and prosper through games my loves! is whole book would not be possible without my parents. ey gave me life and raised me with ethics and morals. ey impressed upon me what can be achieved through good ‘ol fashioned hard work and never wavered from a “you can do anything” attitude. I draw strength from each of their lives and nd inspiration in their marriage. I love you Mom and Dad! I want to say “ ank you” to all the coaches I’ve had throughout my life; from my peewee baseball coach, to golf coaches, to inspirational life coaches. No elite athlete gets to the top without the unsung heroism of great coaches. So I raise my glass to ALL coaches and say, THANK YOU! 7
  • 9. Rex S. Gibson Finally, I want to dedicate this book to all the readers. It is YOU I wrote the book for. It is YOU who may be my next teammate in a business venture or helping me coach my son’s baseball team. I trust you will nd inspiration and motivation to create your life how YOU see it. I know you have the strength to achieve all that you set out to do…and you now have the keys to unlock your potential. I postulate that you will ourish and prosper in abundance through games and rocket to the top, standing on the top podium receiving the gold medal in “ e Game of Your Life”! 8
  • 10. e Game of Your Life FOREWORD Somewhere there is an Ultimate Creator. One absolute source from which everything and everyone is created. Everything that is comes from this Creator. It holds the stars in place and gives the moon its light. It is powerful enough to give the sun its intense energy and delicate enough to construct a rose in absolute stillness. is creative source contains all energy that ever was or will be, It is neither created or destroyed, it is the cause and e ect of itself. It not only has no end, but also no beginning - It Just Is. ere is no end to what this Creator can do. For no other reason than for time’s sake, I will refer to this Creator as “Grace” from this point on. One day Grace decided to create a place to play (as Rex will tell you). Now, where would the Grand Organizing Designer of the Universe to go play? A Playground, of course! But Grace rst had to carefully select and create this playground. It needed plenty of equipment so Grace happily began to construct the entire thing. When all said and done, the playground had slippery slides, giant swings, epic sandboxes, and a merry-go-round that would blow your mind! It had every single aspect in order to have a blast and play with no worries...one problem, Grace needed some playmates! If you are all alone on this epic playground you eventually become exhausted from 9
  • 11. Rex S. Gibson running alongside the merry-go-round before bravely hopping on to watch the clouds spin above your head! Grace had so many things to do in the playground and in nite games to play. So one day, a er a long nap, Grace took each game it wanted to play, one by one and carefully thought about how to play. One by one, Grace made the rules for each game. A er completing the game, Grace picked out a certain skills the players of the game needed and with absolute certainty, made the PERFECT playmate to play the game with. e combination could not be more perfect. Grace picked the game and the playmate in such a way that they could both have fun every day, constantly improve and above all - be Happy! How is this relevant? e perfect playmate is you. e perfect game is your life and the playground is this entire planet. e purpose is to have fun while playing with your playmates (especially the one who created you). e point of me telling you this story is to prove the point that Rex states many times throughout this book. His entire philosophy is based on one basic premise: Life is A Game! He teaches you how to take even the most stressful, serious, and discouraging events in your life and how to transform those negative experiences into an event that empowers you to become better, to transform yourself and to Enjoy Everything! 10
  • 12. e Game of Your Life If there is anyone who is quali ed to teach this philosophy, it is Dr. Rex S. Gibson. He has one of the most successful pediatric dentistry clinics in the United States (as well as many other successful entrepreneurial ventures), his income level is in the top 1% of the population and he has a wonderful family life in which everyone is healthy and happy. e most important and amazing thing about all of this is how he literally enjoys every single day. Sure he has days that are extremely challenging and frankly where others may give up, but he takes on seemingly impossible challenges, turns them into “games” (he’ll explain that later in the book) and comes out on top a better businessman and a better person. You see, the best measure of one’s character is not how they behave when success is present, but rather how they act when things get tough. Rex’s character is consistent and true in all circumstances and his results prove it. I have read hundreds of personal development books; seemingly everything from Anthony Robbins to Zig Ziglar and while they have all helped me in some way, Dr. Gibson’s book that you are about to embark on has had one of the greatest impacts upon my personal and business life to date. I thank Rex and I congratulate you as you begin this new “Game” of your LIFE! In-Joy Every Page! Jeremy D Brown Author of several books including: No Limit Living: How to ink Big, Act Bold and Live With Purpose International Speaker, Author and Entrepreneur President and Founder - No Limit Publishing 11
  • 14. e Game of Your Life INTRODUCTION When you are a kid, life is full of fun and of games. It doesn’t matter what the game is. It could be red rover, dodge ball, checkers or baseball. They simply enjoy the game. Children are not burdened by real world problems like taxes, mortgages, car payments, jobs, marriages, and money. Children go to school and look forward to their future. Remember saying, “I can’t wait to be an adult”? As we grow up, society forces us to get serious about life. ey want us to believe that it’s no longer fun and games. It is ingrained in us that we need to fear the consequences of life and act with caution. Society sucked the fun out of life. It stole the childlike dreams we had as kids. Slowly you begin to believe that life really isn’t fun. All the fun and games are gone. e reality, of course, is that the world didn’t change— you did. e only distinction between the games that kids play and the games that adults play is the considerations of the players. Life is full of games, but when the game stops being fun, we lose interest and don’t want to play anymore. is book was written to help you understand how life IS a game, WHY it is sometimes di cult, and HOW you can recapture your youthful outlook on life to stack the deck in your favor so you can win the game of life! I grew up playing and competing in all types of sports. As I grew up and decided on a career, I knew I wanted to work with people and help the people I was working with. As I progressed through my training as a dentist, I found myself able to relate well with children and they 13
  • 15. Rex S. Gibson related well with me. It seemed that we operated on a similar frequency. Kids love games and I considered myself to be a big kid. It was as if my career found me. As I started my career, I used and applied techniques from motivational speakers I had read or heard and coaches in my past to create and grow my practice. As I grew as a person, I began to re ect on life. Drawing inspiration from the little people I help every day, I began to assimilate a theory of life, an amalgam (dental humor) of universal principles which prove that kids have it right. Life is a game and it should be played like a game, with unbridled enthusiasm and an over the ramparts zeal for life. is book will help you lay out the rules of the game, understand and avoid the obstacles to success, and cultivate the skills necessary to keep your eye on the ball to hit that home run, every time. By the end of this book you will recapture the thrill of victory as you come across the nish line rst, relive the roar of the crowd as you catch the winning touchdown pass, and revive the passion which helps every Olympian to greatness. See you in the winner’s circle! Now…let the game begin! 14
  • 16. 1ST HALF OF THE GAME: WHY WE FAIL AT THE GAME OF LIFE
  • 18. e Game of Your Life CHAPTER 1 FEAR: WHY WE CHOKE IN THE BIG GAME “Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and con dence in the doing.” – Author Unknown Fear is a sensation we feel when we are in danger. Fear can be boiled down to its simplest element: the threat of loss. Fear, or threat of loss, can be further broken down into a gradient scale. At the low end of the scale, it reaches from no fear (not afraid to lose anything), to mild- moderate fear (could lose something valuable, but not too valuable), all the way to ultimate fear (fear of loss of life). Any time a person feels fear, he or she feels threatened in some way. ink about fear in terms of “ ght or ight.” Imagine a quarterback, well protected by his lineman, taking his time to nd an open receiver, delivering the pass and scoring yet another touchdown. No pressure made for a great outcome. Now imagine the quarterback whose lineman can’t seem to hold back the defense. He is under pressure every play. He has to scramble out of the pocket on every play and 17
  • 19. Rex S. Gibson takes the relentless abuse of sack after sack. Now obviously, we are not discussing life and death, but when you see an angry, 6’4”, 350 pound man barreling toward you with the intention of mashing you into the ground, you may feel that your life could be in danger. In the first example, there is no threat. You are comfortable. The second example creates a different feeling. Your sense of awareness would shoot to another level. You would likely be making plans to protect yourself to prevent injury or worse. You would be much more attuned to the situation. “FEAR is an acronym in the English language for ‘False Evidence Appearing Real.’” – Neal Donald Walsch The strongest urge people have is survival, and fear is based in this need to survive. Survival is your most fundamental need, and every decision you make is based somehow on your need to survive. Furthermore, all decisions that affect you personally can also affect everyone you come in contact with. For example, when you decide to cross the street, you collect the information, process it, and decide on the best way to cross without endangering yourself or anyone in the area. When you make that good decision, it means that your kids still have a father to come home to them, the office still has a valuable worker, society still has an upstanding part of the community. Even though it seems like a simple example, it proves my point that every choice is based on making pro-survival decisions, and that all decisions affect all aspects of your life and beyond. 18
  • 20. e Game of Your Life If at any time in your daily interactions with people you feel that this need for survival is threatened, you instantly feel fear. If you truly dissect the things in your life which bring you fear, then you will see that the root of that fear is the tension between your desire to survive and the threat that you will lose the means to ensure your survival. “Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves—regret for the past and fear of the future.” – Fulton Oursler But where does fear come from and why do we experience it? e answer lies in failed success. We all want to succeed and success comes from being RIGHT. e more o en you are right, the more success potential you possess. To the degree that a person experiences failure, that person’s success potential is lessened. It is simple…if a person’s ability to succeed is threatened, the individual feels fear. We will discuss in later chapters how to overcome fear, but for now, knowledge is power. Knowledge sheds light on once unknown subjects. With this small light, we take our rst step to conquering the game of life. 19
  • 22. e Game of Your Life CHAPTER 2 PROBLEMS: GAME STOPPERS “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” – Albert Einstein Our daily life is a tapestry of barriers; if we choose not to nd solutions to these barriers, chances are we will never succeed. When we are faced with a barrier, we view it as a problem that hinders our path to achieving a certain goal. A problem can be de ned as a situation that has the ability to paralyze a person and stops their ability to continue or move forward. All problems can be looked at instead as situations. Here, I use the word “situation” because situations tend to have resolutions while problems do not. Problems tend to linger with no resolution in sight, while situations are merely a set of circumstances which require a resolution. Whether your circumstances are a problem or a situation depends entirely on you. Most people continue to focus on the problem rather than focusing on nding a resolution to the situation and preventing similar situations from happening in the future. If carefully analyzed, you can usually see that a majority of problems stem from confusion and/or incorrect information. If you do not have the correct information 21
  • 23. Rex S. Gibson or the information is mixed up, chances are you will nd yourself stuck with a problem because it is di cult to x a situation that is confusing or laden with bad information. “Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.” – Unknown For instance, once I was lost in Chicago and needed to get to the Comiskey Park. I was in a part of town that I was unfamiliar with and decided that I needed to get directions, so I asked a random stranger. e guy gave me directions which lead me 40 blocks in the wrong direction. is created quite a problem because I was disoriented, confused, and becoming stressed. Even though I did exactly what the stranger told me to do, I was given incorrect information which resulted in an even worse situation. Another common example that occurs in everyday life is when a friend or family member gets into an argument and tells you his or her side of the story. In recalling the incident, he or she may fail to provide certain details, or even alter the incident to cast themselves in a more favorable light. Due to the missing or altered information, you may come to an incorrect conclusion. You might even create more con icts, and take actions based on altered information. In this case, you didn’t get any wrong information; you just didn’t get all of it, which creates another problem. It is equivalent to having to solve a mathematical equation that never seems to come together correctly because you are missing a key component. Like in the Star Trek movie when Spock comes back from the future and talks to Scottie, who has been struggling with an equation he couldn’t seem to solve. Spock reveals a missing piece to 22
  • 24. e Game of Your Life the formula and Scottie is able to see the solution…problem solved. In real life, it is sometimes di cult to look objectively at a situation to nd those missing links. We need to take o our rose colored glasses, obtain all the correct information, eliminate confusions, and seek the truth. In the truth lies the solution to all problems. Responsibility = Problem Control From a person’s own point of view, a problem that lingers too long is considered something that is wrong. People even say that when they are perplexed with a problem. ey say “Something is wrong!” It is a wrongness. ese can breed into arguments and con icts. Let’s see how. Anyone can take credit for a job well done, but when it comes to a problem, there are few who are willing to raise their hand and accept the punishment. It is a basic human desire to be right. Subconsciously, we believe the more we are correct, the greater our success potential. When problems arise, we do one of two things: nd a solution and move on with life or point the blame in a direction away from ourselves. If we do the latter, we tend to place that blame in one of two categories: things and other people. Blaming an inanimate object for your problems sounds crazy, but people do it every day. It is comical to observe a fully grown adult kick a car because it has a flat tire, or watch a person yell at a lawn mower because it stopped running. Although such things occur every day, this is truly the stuff that insanity is made of. Our other favorite target, of course, is other people. Since it is a basic human trait to believe that we are right, then they (whomever you have elected) must be wrong. In this fashion, we allow ourselves to save face and retain our self-confidence. 23
  • 25. Rex S. Gibson The real key to controlling or reducing problems is responsibility. (This is a truly deep subject and you may need to reread this section a few times to absorb the entire concept.) The more responsibility you assume for everything around you, the more control or in uence you will have over it. You cannot control anything over which you assume no responsibility. Have you ever seen the commercials on TV for the starving children in third world countries? I’m not suggesting whether should send money or not. I am merely pointing out that these commercials are a good example because they ask you to take responsibility for the kids, and by taking responsibility and donating money, you can help feed those children. “ e problem is not that there are problems. e problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.” – eodore Rubin Now let’s take this concept to the next level. If personal responsibility must be taken in order to exert control and in uence over a particular situation, then it stands to reason that in order to exert control overt con ict or problems, one must assume responsibility for them as well. is is to say that you must assume full responsibility for causing the entire situation, both what you did to create it and any reaction from others who are in the situation with you. A great example of this is when a customer gets really heated up at a store clerk. If the clerk enters into the con ict, then the match is ignited, and a ght begins, but if the clerk simply states, “I can see why you feel that way, and I can help you with this situation,” the argument is over. By accepting responsibility, the clerk is able to be in control of the problem. 24
  • 26. e Game of Your Life At this point, some of you might be thinking, “Hey Rex, are you saying that it is best to cow down, roll over, and give up?” Let me be clear: I am not suggesting that you admit you are wrong just to keep the peace. I am suggesting that you simply realize that you have a part in any con ict or problem. If you were mugged in an alley, the reality is that you chose to walk instead of taking a cab. If someone is mad at you because of a joke you made, you decided to tell the joke. If you run out of gas, you were the one who passed three gas stations and chose not to ll up when you had the chance. It is not easy to look at ourselves and examine our role in the con icts of our lives, and it takes real courage to accept responsibility for causing the situations that give us trouble. It is easy to lay the responsibility on someone else’s shoulders, but doing so is for the weak and uncreative. I suggest you look at the situation from the other person’s perspective. Analyze the situation and ask, “What did I do to make this happen?” and “What can I do to correct it?” Look for possible misunderstandings— maybe you didn’t explain something well. e more you start to take responsibly for the reactions you receive, the fewer problems you will have with other people. Remember, you cannot have control or in uence over anything unless you assume responsibility for it. If you sit back and watch the scene as it unfolds, you will see the truth. Remember: problems come from confusion and faulty information. A customer becomes upset either due to confusion or to having received bad information. It is your job at this point to unravel the situation either by finding and correcting the wrong information, or by finding the misunderstanding and helping the customer to comprehend. 25
  • 27. Rex S. Gibson Here is a helpful hint about what to look for: 1. Who or what was the source of information? Good information must come from reliable and unbiased sources that offer complete and unaltered data. (Examples of unreliable sources: “my next door neighbor said”…”I saw it on the internet”…”my grandpa used to say.”) 2. Do you understand what is being said or what is written? ere is an old phrase- If you don’t know the words, you cannot sing the tune. e same is true of our language. If you do not understand the words correctly, you cannot understand correctly what is being said or written. How upsetting it is to try to speak or understand a person who is using a foreign language that you do not know. Especially if they seem to be trying to communicate something important. We need to also consider that we may not know all of the 20,000+ words in our own language, and that perhaps we are hearing the words but do not have the right meaning. Once the source of the confusion is found and corrected, the upset individual can comprehend the situation. Once understanding is reached, you will see him or her come up in emotion and attitude. Understanding comes from being able to duplicate or replicate something exactly. is is why it is so important to make sure that the data comes from reliable sources and that there are not any misunderstanding with the words that were used. Imagine putting together a Christmas present for your child. You pull all 258 parts out of the box, open the instructions, and nd that they are written in Chinese. at is likely going to cause you confusion, frustration, and di culty when it comes 26
  • 28. e Game of Your Life to assembling the toy. is same principle can be applied to other people in di erent situations. Unfortunately, people do not come with instructions or a nice step-by-step guide; therefore, it is important that you take responsibility, and use your skills of observation to duplicate and obtain understanding. Just like the upset customer or the “some assembly required” toy, the better you can duplicate a situation, the more control and in uence you have over a situation. Key Components of a Problem Solver 1. Be willing to analyze a situation objectively. A person who keenly discerns where the problem lies and what piece of information is needed to solve it will be more likely to come up with a reasonable solution. A er the missing link is found, you need to correct the existing information and take steps towards overcoming obstacles that exist between you and the solution. All top athletes and teams look for ways to improve, and the best of the best analyze without emotion. ey simply nd the key to better performance and implement it. Finding the missing piece of information is not enough if nothing is done with it. 2. Do not have excessive pride of authorship. We love to be right, but people who have excessive pride of authorship can’t look at their work critically because they are too emotionally invested in their own creations. ey cannot look at their own work with fresh eyes, and thus cannot nd where there may be errors. Don’t allow yourself to have excessive pride of authorship if you want to solve problems. No man is an island, and no one has all the answers, so you need to open yourself up to constructive criticism in your personal and professional life. Even Tiger Woods, arguably the best golfer in history, has a coach. Once you realize that 27
  • 29. Rex S. Gibson you can learn from others’ advice and experiences, you will nd yourself opening up to solutions in places you never realized were options. 3. Understand that answers come from an unlimited stream of venues. The answer to questions can come from any number of places, so you cannot close your eyes to any potential venue. e answer may be in the least likely place. Where did aspirin come from? Answer: The bark of a tree. This is an unlikely place to find a pain reliever, but it proves that answers can come from anywhere. Be willing to nd truth wherever it may live! e winning answer can come from anywhere. 4. Always be open to the answers. I love the saying, “Don’t ask the question if you don’t want to hear the answer.” In order to nd answers, you need to possess a passion to look for a solution even if it comes from an unlikely source. You also must be willing to accept that answer. e foolish man looks past truth in search for a better truth. What I mean is don’t just look for convenient truths— nd real truth. Again, top athletes who remain at the top for years nd ways to recreate their greatness. Andre Agassi changed his coach and his workout and as a result saw a resurgence to the top of the standings when many thought he was “over the hill.” As they say, the truth is not always pretty, but only when you nd and use real truth can you be a true problem solver. 5. No excuses: get the job done. Successful problem solvers don’t o er excuses. No one really cares why you didn’t complete a task on schedule, or what your excuse is for making a mistake. Powerful people just do what they have to do, correct any bad products, and apologize for wronging someone. is is what separates average athletes from the elite. Elite athletes simply get the job done. No one wants excuses, and whenever you o er an excuse, it takes the power out of your apology. 28
  • 30. e Game of Your Life 6. Accept responsibility. The person who accepts responsibility for a problem will get it solved. I am not referring to personal responsibility, but rather full responsibility for the situation. Become the parent of that problem and be willing to stick with the problem until it is fully resolved. Sometimes those problems go away quickly and sometimes they take longer, but the key is responsibility. For example, consultants come in, take responsibility, and x a broken business. ey take it on, analyze it, x it, and then give it back. My wife was an auditor for years, and she would go in, nd the problems, nd the outpoints, and then provide solutions. She single handedly took a $25 million company out of bankruptcy in one year because of the amount of responsibility she was willing to take on. She literally took that company’s game from a losing season to the Super Bowl. at is what great coaches do. ey take full responsibility for their team and “make the win.” 7. Be decisive: don’t waste time. Problem solvers view time as a precious commodity and don’t feel the need to take a vote on every topic or issue. Some problems may require gathering information to make a decision. Good problem solvers collect data, analyze the information, make a decision, and take responsibility for that decision. In baseball, you may only get three pitches. You cannot just wait around for another. You may not get another chance. Be decisive. If you are wishy-washy, you will tend to blame someone else and not take responsibility. 8. Be willing to fail. All great leaders and successful people have failed at some point in their lives. If you are not willing to fail, you will never succeed because you will never put yourself in a position to succeed. Michael Jordan was the top basketball scorer in history, 29
  • 31. Rex S. Gibson but how many baskets did he miss? Babe Ruth holds the record for home runs, but he also ranks 94th in career strike outs! If you want to be great you have to try, and with trying comes occasional failure. With every failure comes a little lesson that you can learn from the next time. You must be willing to fail so you can see these lessons. ere are very few things in life that can’t be recouped or xed. Making a bad decision is like taking a wrong turn: just back up and get on the right path. “Every great man, every successful man, no matter what the eld of endeavor, has known the magic that lies in these words: every adversity has the seed of an equivalent or greater bene t.” – W. Clement Stone Why do people give up when they have problems? People give up when they become overwhelmed. e confusion of the situation becomes too great for them to handle and they simply shut down to attempt to protect themselves. When you are not armed with defenses, you become an easy victim, and are easily overwhelmed in one fell swoop, much like when America overwhelmed Japan in WWII with the atom bomb, but overwhelming a victim can be a slow and insidious process. Over time, each attack weakens the victim and leads ultimately to a total overthrow. is is exempli ed by a boxing champion. e champ seems unfazed early on in his career, but later; multiple blows to the head and body accumulate, leaving the champ vulnerable to losing his title. 30
  • 32. e Game of Your Life “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” – Albert Ellis Problems can overwhelm people just like any other force. ey can come in a large, devastating form like the crash of the stock market, the loss of a loved one, or a natural disaster. ey can also accumulate over time, like president Clinton’s multiple a airs, evading taxes over the years, or excessive drinking. Either way, problems eventually weigh down your attitude and slow your performance. Here are some simple steps to follow when you start feeling overwhelmed 1. Reduce confusion. Research and find accurate information that allows you to create a workable plan to solve a problem. Also, clear up anything that you don’t understand about a situation. With these two things accomplished, you have a platform from which to launch a program to solve any situations that you may be facing. 2. Shed the weight and clean up the clutter. As we said before, small problems can accumulate and eventually become large problems. Assess your situation, and solve any small problems that confront you. Handle each one in a prioritized manner from most urgent to least. Be decisive and act with con dence. 31
  • 33. Rex S. Gibson 3. Do not allow further accumulation of clutter. Simply handle obstacles and barriers as they come up. Do not procrastinate. Keep your runway clear for takeo , because if you need to scramble the jets, you don’t want to waste time cleaning junk o the tarmac. 4. Win. Unfortunately, there are winners and losers in life. Losers are overwhelmed; winners overcome barriers and obstacles to eventual victory. is is not to say that you will win every battle; just don’t lose because you gave up. Never go out without a ght. Go down in ames of glory. Even though we don’t want problems, we must have them to survive. One nal note on problems: problems are part of the game of life. What I mean is, if you got rid of all of your problems, you would not have a game le to play. Games are made up of rules, obstacles, and goals. e problems of life are our obstacles. WE NEED PROBLEMS!!! ey are puzzles for us to gure out, so have fun with them. Play with your problems like a cat plays with a ball of yarn. e point of this chapter is not to get rid of all your problems; it is to help you deal with them e ectively so they do not create obstacles in your life. 32
  • 34. e Game of Your Life CHAPTER 3 LIVING IN THE PAST: THE GAME WE LOST, BUT CAN’T SEEM TO LET GO OF Reliving past failures is the biggest mistake humans make. We continue to judge ourselves based on what happened in the past. We tie these past failures—this garbage—to ourselves and drag it around like a ball and chain, and then when we are called upon to make a decision, instead of looking at the relevant data of the current situation, we look at our ball and chain for the answer. It is this method of decision making that holds people back. Now, I’m willing to bet that each one of you is saying, “I don’t do that!” at, too, is garbage. We all do it. I’m not saying this to berate you—I am just stating facts. Every athlete, whether playing pee-wee baseball, high school basketball, college football, or professional golf, has encountered this. It can make or break that athlete. What golfer hasn’t stood over a two foot putt, a gimme by any means, and had something in the back of his head say “don’t miss that…you’re going to miss that….miss it”? It is like hearing the guy in the stands saying, “hey batter, batter, batter…swing batter,” and you swing at a horrible pitch. Great athletes nd a way to break through, drop the garbage o at the curb, and move on to victory lane. 33
  • 35. Rex S. Gibson In e New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, the author explains that we have an ego, which is you, the pure you, your spirit. We also possess what he calls a “pain body.” L. Ron Hubbard also describes these two concepts in his book Dianetics: Modern Science of Mental Health as the analytical mind and the reactive mind. Others have described it as “the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other.” It doesn’t really matter what you call it, the result is the same. When we hurt ourselves physically (like breaking a leg) or mentally (like failing at something), it leaves a scar, whether physical or mental. Knowing that we like being right and do not like being hurt, we simply lump all painful experiences into the same category and avoid them. When we draw on these past painful experiences we make bad decisions that prevent us from expanding into new horizons and trying new endeavors. It is a safety mechanism used to protect us from our past bad decisions by keeping history from repeating itself. It is animalistic…it is designed for self preservation. e problem is that it can lead to irrational behavior or poor decision making. Avoiding making the same mistakes repeatedly is a useful tool. I believe Einstein said, “ e de nition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a di erent result.” I do not want you to repeat the poor decisions of your past, but I don’t want the past to keep you from reaching for higher aspirations. is protective mechanism is like the low oil indicator light on the dash of your car. e di erence is that the human “low oil light” turns on even when the oil isn’t low: it could turn on when it is close to low, or if it thinks it might get low. e di erence is that the car is using real data, and your indicator is using emotional data. 34
  • 36. e Game of Your Life People, because we like to be right, try to make good decisions based on good information. e best decisions come from taking the most current data and formulating the most pro-survival answer for yourself and others around you, but unfortunately, your protective mechanism doesn’t do that. Let’s take, for example, the housing boom of the early 2000s. Many people bought, built, and sold multiple houses while the prices of houses were increasing by double digits each year. at was a good decision based on good data. en came the housing crash of 2006-2007. e downturn in the housing market came quickly and caught many people o guard. It created grave nancial troubles for our entire economy. Now, if you were one of those caught o guard, the protective mechanism of the ball and chain would tell you, “You made a big mistake. You are stupid. You should never invest in real estate again.” If you were to analyze the situation, however, you would nd that the decisions you made about real estate investment were sound, and made with the best and most current information you had available. Never investing in real estate a er the housing market crash of 2006-2007 is like saying you will never walk near an orange tree because one time many years ago you walked by one and an orange dropped on your head, or that you should never eat food from a restaurant because one time it made you sick. Reliving old failures fogs up your perception of the wonderful possibilities in the present moment. Say, for example, a top downhill skier has an terrible crash in the Super-G, resulting in knee joint blowouts, a fractured pelvis, a dislocated le shoulder and three broken ribs. A er the body heals, the racer is le with the memory of the crash, the pain of the injuries and the agony of the recovery. It would be understandable for the racer to simply retire. His instinct says that if he were to race again, he would get hurt again. He may even go to 35
  • 37. Rex S. Gibson the extent of never getting on skis again. e event may have le him with such a mental scar that fear now pervades his every thought about skiing. Any analytically thinking person would know that one accident does not mean you will have more, but it is the power of reliving past failures that gives the previous incident control over you. You use all your past information to help you cope with the present moment because you want to stay safe, but the real e ect is that this action creates obstacles in your life. “Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.” – Dorothy ompson 36
  • 38. e Game of Your Life CHAPTER 4 JUSTIFICATION: NO MATTER WHAT THE EXCUSE, YOU STILL LOST THE GAME Why did you fail? Just ask and people will give all sorts of reasons. Many of these reasons point to people and factors other than the person answering the question. ese are called justi cations. Justi cations explain away failures and mistakes. No one likes to be wrong, and people will go to great lengths to make themselves right despite any actual failure or wrongness. ey will give all manner of reasons why something did not get accomplished, and they will blame someone else for their failure, or better yet, they will blame an animal or an inanimate object for the failure. People spend an absurd amount of time and energy giving wimpy, Why I didn’t do this, or Why I didn’t nish that speeches. Excuses and justi cations are protective coping mechanisms used to convince ourselves that we are right and there must have been some outside force that kept us from reaching our goals. In reality, nothing could be farther from the truth. e truth is that you could have nished the task, but you allowed some other element to deter you from your goal. 37
  • 39. Rex S. Gibson Just like any other form of brainwashing, if you hear something enough, you will begin to believe it. Individuals tell themselves and possibly other people why they failed, and as they do this, the lies gain momentum and power. Finally, after hearing these false truths enough times, they begin to feel okay about not accomplishing their goals. In the end, not only do the individuals feel okay about the failure, but they may even create other justifications as to why they shouldn’t attempt that task again later. Justification, excuses, and blaming others are irresponsible behaviors. The truth is, anything can be accomplished if the correct strategy is taken in combination with some good old fashioned hard work. Nothing in life that is worth having is easy to obtain. I want to tell you a story that is very special to me. It is a story from which I have found much inspiration and hold very close to my heart. Here is a true success story about a man named Richard. I know this man very well, and he told me this story many years ago. It touched me and has helped me during times when I felt I could not muster the chutzpah to drive forward. Richard’s father died in WWII when he was a child. His mother remarried an abusive alcoholic who lacked the motivation to keep a steady job and was in and out of jail. When Richard was about thirteen years old, his stepfather got out of jail and decided to move the family to California. Richard stood his ground and refused to move away from his hometown with an abusive, alcoholic stepfather. A few years later, his mother died in a house fire and his guilt stricken stepfather committed suicide. Richard had lost not only his own father, but his mother and stepfather by his fifteenth birthday. 38
  • 40. e Game of Your Life Although this story is sad, I didn’t tell it so you would feel sympathy for Richard. I told you this as the beginning of a great success story. With all the drama and trauma that Richard endured throughout his childhood, he could have easily blamed others for his circumstances and taken a life path that would have led to crime, alcoholism, and possibly his demise. is is not what happened. “You can’t hit a home run unless you step up to the plate. You can’t catch a fish unless you put your line in the water. You can’t reach your goals if you don’t try.” – Kathy Seligman Richard worked on oil rigs as a teenager, and eventually put himself through college, had a family, and owned his own company. is is the American dream, but is also a story of hard work and perseverance. I wouldn’t be telling you this story if Richard had blamed everyone else for his life circumstances and made excuses about why he never made anything of his life. I tear up every time I tell this story. Whenever I start to feel sorry for myself and want to throw in the towel, I think back to Richard and all that he overcame to win the game of life. is man has been pivotal in so much of my life. He has been my motivation and my inspiration—he was even my best man when I got married. When I think that times are tough, I simply remember the story of Richard Gibson and say, “ anks, Dad. You are my hero!” If you know you are sidestepping success by convincing yourself it can’t be done, at some point you are going to have to face the music. You must face yourself and realize that all the excuses you have made about why it 39
  • 41. Rex S. Gibson can’t be done are nothing more than excuses you invented. As the saying goes, no one will take care of your business like you. is holds true for your life. Only you are going to make your life a success, and only you can push past the excuses and justi cations of your own failures. “It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.” – Josiah Charles Stamp It takes energy to explain away your failures. If you spent as much energy nding solutions to your circumstances, you will not only create a solution, you will also not have wasted any additional energy with excuses. Stay away from justi cations and excuses. It comes down to personal integrity and ethics: take full and personal responsibility for all failures. No one cares about why you didn’t get the job done. Your excuses are only to make yourself feel better about your own failure. Make yourself great by succeeding. Evaluate the aspects which may have contributed toward the failure, eliminate those aspects, and redirect your energy toward success! You need to change your attitude from “Who can I blame?” to “How do I get this done?” Once you do this, you will begin to empower yourself and you will become much more successful. is will make you stronger, faster, and better, but only you can do it. Take charge of your own life. Begin to create, take responsibility, and live from your own truth. Be a leader among your fellow men and women; donate what you learn so others can win too. 40
  • 42. e Game of Your Life CHAPTER 5 BAD DATA: PLAYING TENNIS WITH A BASEBALL BAT Opinions Are a Dime a Dozen ere are people who specialize in stopping others from succeeding. I don’t mean that people are literally employed to stop other people from achieving their goals, but it sometimes feels that way. At times, you will undoubtedly be surrounded by naysayers and dream killers. ere’s no way to know for certain why some people are like that, but it is o en because you make them come face to face with their own failures. Naysayers and dream killers are people who have experienced lots of failure in their lives, and because of that, they are bitter and resent people who succeed. Instead of working toward success in their own lives, they choose to spend their energy telling others why they can’t or shouldn’t reach for their goals. Let’s say that you have a dream to take an invention to market. Naysayers might tell you all the reasons that you should not embark on your endeavor. ey will do their best to deter you from your dream. It might be because they had ideas for inventions but never followed through, or because they attempted to follow through and failed. If you were to 41
  • 43. Rex S. Gibson succeed with your invention, it would be like rubbing salt into their wounds. Of course, that is not your intention, but that is how it would feel to the naysayers. Some of the greatest inventors faced the greatest ridicule. Many of the modern conveniences we have today were ideas that people laughed at. Inventions and things of great importance came out of throwing out old ideas and traditions. People used to agree that the earth was at, and when Christopher Columbus rst said it was round everyone said he was crazy! Sometimes the ideas that people hold as fundamental truths are the very ideas that are false and holding people back from success. As long as your goal is set and you are passionate about it, let no one detract you from your mission. Listen to yourself and ask, “What is the right thing to do for me?” Stop listening to people whose only mission is to tell you why you can’t achieve what you desire. ere are, of course, times when others have valid input, and these t into the category of constructive criticism. If they are trying to intercede and help you avoid pitfalls and move you closer to success, then listen and consider what they are saying. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt Finally, whether the person is a naysayer or is o ering constructive criticism, evaluate the source of the information. Many times we take others’ opinions and make them our own without taking into account the source of that opinion. Poor sources come in the forms of, my 42
  • 44. e Game of Your Life neighbor said, or the internet said, or my mom always did it this way. You need to learn to analyze the data and not allow bad information or opinions to be your downfall. When a sherman casts out a net, he will catch sh but he will also bring in all the other junk from the lake. e smart sherman will si through the whole bounty, keep the sh, and throw back the junk. e foolish sherman will keep everything that he drags in, regardless of its worth. Poor decision makers are like foolish shermen—they cast out a net and bring in all types of random information that may or may not be bene cial in their decision-making process. When you don’t separate the sh from the trash, you end up going hungry because you’re lling your mind with junk. e smart, successful person is the one who takes the time to pick out all the junk, leaving only the good stu , and making a decision based on the quality information. With all this being said, you should realize that it is going to take practice to interpret information accurately. To avoid making bad decisions based on poor data, ask yourself the following questions: 1. Is the source of the opinion a naysayer, or is he or she o ering constructive criticism? 2. What is the source of this opinion and how did this person arrive at this opinion? 3. Is your situation the same or di erent from the person’s who is giving the advice? How so? 4. What do you believe to be the Truth? (Decide for yourself !) 43
  • 45. Rex S. Gibson Opinions: everyone has them. Surround yourself with people who will o er you constructive criticism that is designed to increase your chances of success. In the end, you are capable of si ing through good and bad data. Follow the four steps above and you will be well on your way to becoming a better decision maker. Intuition: Go With Your Gut Feeling “ is is the nature of genius, to be able to grasp the knowable even when no one else recognizes that it is present.” – Deepak Chopra What if I do all the exercises you gave me and I STILL can’t make a decision? Not all decisions are made from perfect data. Even though it is important to use all data at hand to render the best possible solution, sometimes you are still missing information and the solution doesn’t seem clear. In cases like this, your intuition needs to be your guide. is means having faith in yourself and listening to what you believe is truth, regardless of what direction the data may point. When you are going through the decision-making process and you are si ing through the net to weed out the garbage and gather only the good information, remember to ask yourself how you feel about the information you have gathered. is is extremely important. e best decisions are the ones that combine good data that points to an obvious choice and that gut feeling that says, “You did the right thing.” “O en you have to rely on intuition.” – Bill Gates 44
  • 46. e Game of Your Life What is your heart telling you? What does your gut say? Write down the situation and all of its possible solutions. rough the process of elimination, cross o any solution that does not help get you closer to your goals. If you are le with two or three options at this point, pick one using your intuition. Decision making is not a democracy: good decisions are not based on a majority vote. We need to start learning to use our own minds. Learn to think for yourself—use your thoughts, not someone else’s. Use your gut and make a decision for your own life. e best decisions are always decisions that make you feel good. ey ll you with a sense of overall peace. You become excited and energized, and you have an overwhelming feeling of BOOM get her done! You nd yourself saying things, taking actions, and getting results instead of continuing with activities and conversations that will not move you closer to your goal. “When I’ve heard all I need to make a decision, I don’t take a vote. I make a decision.” – Ronald Reagan 45
  • 48. e Game of Your Life CHAPTER 6 THE HEAD GAME: THE LOUDEST HECKLER At this point in the book, we have discussed surface level whys. Yes, you must use good data to make good decisions, drawing on past painful experiences can mislead you, and fears and problems hold us back. Now is it time to discuss the deepest parts of the mind. is chapter will answer many questions, but it might bring about even more. is chapter is about you—and I mean the real you. e spark that animates the body you run around in. Authors like Eckhart Tolle, Rhonda Byrne, Don Miguel Ruiz, L. Ron Hubbard, and many more have o ered answers to the human mind and spirit. ese writers were all pointing to the same fact. Some were much more clear and succinct than others. e terminology that I have seen used to de ne mind and spirit have been Ego / Pain Body, the Id / Ego / Super Ego, or the devil on one shoulder / angel on the other; every author is alluding to the same thing: there is an unknown, hidden, aberrant part of our mind that can take control of our thoughts and make us do the most irrational things. We will discuss spirituality in later chapters, but for now let us consider that there is a spiritual side to life. Let us consider that there are three parts to a person, a spirit, a mind, and a body. You are not your body or 47
  • 49. Rex S. Gibson your mind, you have a body and you have a mind. If you allow me to point something out to you as you read this, you use the word my in front of referencing your mind and your body. We all do. Why? They are possessions. So what are you? You are the third thing, the spiritual being, which does not mean anything else than you are you. So it is inaccurate to say I have a spirit because you are one. This is one of the greatest simplicities of life that was too simple for the complicated sciences to see. Much like the law of gravity. Apples always fell and no one noticed that there was a fundamental principle at play called gravity. You are a spiritual being. Now do not get confused or feel weird, we all are spiritual beings. Again, so many other definitions of the word spirit exists that people are confused by the word. Let’s keep it simple because it is: it is defined as you, the one who is reading and comprehending this book, not your body or your mind. Your Mind: A Help or a Hinderence? You have observed, as I have, that your mind can either aid you to think in rational terms and help you move ahead, OR it can hinder you with doubt, unwanted emotion, indecision, and the “mental debates” inside your head, that can often be mistaken for healthy thinking or “careful consideration” when they are really laced with fear.. There is a part of your mind that is very powerful, and can override your analytical thought process. It is the part of your mind where all painful experiences are stored. It reminds you of all your mistakes and failures. It is the part of the mind where FEAR lives. It is that little voice that talks to you and tells you, “You are going to fail. Be careful, remember what happened last time you did that.” 48
  • 50. e Game of Your Life It is important to understand that we become fearful when we are threatened with loss, and if we made a mistake in our past, that memory tends to replay in the present. Therefore, when a situation closely resembles a previous painful experience, your past losses can override analytical thought and cause you to react in a manner which may not be appropriate or logical for the situation. We have all seen this happen to others. Here are a few examples to clarify: 1. You miss the game winning free throw. The team and fans are disappointed. Analytically, you have an 85% free throw average, but your confidence in your ability to come through in the clutch is shaken. Next time you are in the same situation, you know that you can make the basket, but the past losses kick in and go to work and prevents you from being the hero. 2. You dated a cheerleader and the relationship did not work out. Now, six years later, you will not date an ex-cheerleader, because the previous relationship with a cheerleader did not work out, so this won’t either. Even though the two cheerleaders are different people, those painful experiences left in your mind identify them as the same and responds the same way to both. 3. You fell and broke your leg while skiing. Now you don’t ever want to go skiing again because you don’t want to get hurt. Analytically, you realize that you can safely ski down the mountain, but when you attempt to go skiing, you cannot shake the thought of your broken leg. 49
  • 51. Rex S. Gibson e real question is: how do I know if I am being logical and objective or fearful and controlled by my past losses? ere are a few questions you can ask yourself in a fearful moment: 1. What emotion am I feeling right now? If it is fear or anger, you are probably not thinking logically or analytically. 2. Am I really in danger? If you are exaggerating the potential consequences, then write down two or three real consequences that could result from this situation. See if there is anything signi cant that could truly harm you. 3. Is the current situation similar to a past failure? If so, how? And how is it di erent? Dissect the current situation and nd out why it is di erent, why you failed previously, and take corrective actions to avoid the previous result. 4. Have courage to act on logic. Do what is rational, logical, and analytical. Truth Is Di erentiation When you hang on to past losses, you will tend to see very few di erences in situations. e present situation will seem so similar to the past situation that you will think you are heading for another mistakes causing yet another loss. “WE CAN’T HAVE THAT”, says the mind, so it overrides your ability to think rationally and see the di erences in the current situation and the past situation which created the loss in the rst place. When you maintain the ability to see both the similarities and di erences in things, you will discover you can trust your judgment and decisions. 50
  • 52. e Game of Your Life ere is always a way to make something succeed, you just might have to put some energy into nding an alternate route. It takes courage not to react to the part of your mind that is telling you “You can’t,” or “You’re going to fail,” or “Be careful, you could get hurt.” At this point you may be asking yourself, “How am I supposed to overcome this dialogue of failure?” e above four questions can help in a pinch, but to really correct the part of your mind that inhibits you and all of its harmful e ects, you will need help beyond what I can o er in this book. Books like e Secret and A New Earth have attempted to shed some light on what we are discussing in this chapter, but in order to truly understand the mind and to ensure that you can trust your mental clarity thus decision making, I highly suggest reading Dianetics: Modern Science of Mental Health by L. Ron Hubbard. is book o ers in-depth insight into the mechanics of the mind and how to eliminate the parts that hold you back from a full and meaningful life. 51
  • 54. 2ND HALF OF THE GAME: HOW TO WIN THE BIG GAME
  • 56. e Game of Your Life CHAPTER 7 THE GAME OF LIFE: FIRST READ THE INSTRUCTIONS Games are fun: just ask any kid. As a child, everything is a game, from seeing how fast you can run up and down the stairs, to hide and seek, to learning math. As adults, we tend to shorten our scope regarding what we consider a game. We limit a “game” to monopoly, baseball, poker, etc. But what do GAMES have to do with Life? e answer: EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING ere are a lot of similarities to life and games we have all played. e RULES of the game determine the accepted conduct for the game. It creates an understanding for all players as to what is legal and illegal in the game. It is the establishment of what we cannot do and what freedoms the players have in the pursuit of victory. e OBSTACLES in a game are the things that keep you from winning. It is the proverbial “go to jail card” or the “go back three spaces” spot on the game board. Obstacles are anything that gets in your way to a fast and easy victory. Finally, what would a game be without GOALS? How would you know when you have won the game? How would you know when the game is over? And what is the purpose of the game? e goal is the desired 55
  • 57. Rex S. Gibson outcome. e goal is the event that, when reached, concludes the game. e goal is the purpose for playing the game. As we go through the 2nd half of the game, let’s remember that life has rules, obstacles, and goals, therefore, life IS a game! Can you remember someone telling you as a kid, “Life isn’t all fun and games”? Well, as a kid, it was. As we grow into adulthood, our games get more complicated, but nonetheless, they are still games. As adults, instead of buying houses to put on our monopoly property, we buy real houses on real property worth real money. e game hasn’t changed— your perspective on the game did. As adults, the real world can seem so serious: the consequences for our actions are more serious, and it doesn’t allow enough room to have fun. Because of this, we revert to our childhood visions of fun: games. Many of us look for outlets to play games. We need fun in our lives, so we join a coed so ball team or play poker with some buddies on Friday night. If you allow yourself, you can make a game out of anything. Look around, life is full of games—just ask any kid. Use childlike eyes to recapture the fun of life. Play life like a game. Set goals, play by the rules, overcome obstacles, laugh, win or lose, but for goodness’ sake have fun! Life is no fun without games, so know the rules, overcome the barriers, and win the game of life. What Are the Rules of Life? In order to win any game, the rules must be known and followed. Without rules, a game cannot commence, because everyone in the game 56
  • 58. e Game of Your Life needs to be playing by the same rules. is keeps the game fair. ere also need to be penalties for breaking the rules to keep the game fair and maintain the integrity of the game. Every game is slightly di erent, and you must read the directions to understand the rules thoroughly, but the basics stay the same: don’t cheat, don’t steal, treat others like you would like to be treated, be worthy of trust, do not murder, set a good example, etc. ese are the same rules that most rational people use to guide them through the game of life. Although these basic rules are a good set of guidelines to follow, life is full of hundreds, if not thousands, of di erent sub-games. Each sub- game presents its own unique set of circumstances and challenges. Each sub-game can have rules that are subtle or speci c. In order to overcome those challenges, you must know the rules. First, you must seek out the rules. Do not assume you know the rules unless you have already played the same game. Ask what the rules are. Write them down if you must, but know them and follow them. Please understand, I’m not asking you to follow some of the rules and ignore others. I’m not suggesting that all rules are intelligent, or even based in logic, but they are still the rules. An example is driving 55 mph on two-lane highway. is is an antiquated law, written at a time when fuel was scarce and cars were ine cient and had fewer safety features. at does not change the fact that when the sign says “Maximum Speed Limit 55 mph,” it means you should not drive more than 55 mph on that stretch of highway. We will get into ethics in later chapters, but for now su ce it to say that personal ethics and following the rules is the only way to truly win the game of life. 57
  • 59. Rex S. Gibson Overcoming Obstacles Now we will discuss the barriers that keep us from reaching our goals. Between the beginning of a journey and the nal destination, you will need to pass over, around, or through one or more obstacles or barriers. I bring this point up not to be negative, but to enlighten you about the fact that barriers, which can derail your path and lead to failure, loom around every corner. ey are just waiting for you to make a mistake or lower your guard. In order to reach your goal, you must remain alert and vigilant, never allowing your attention to be pulled away from your goal. If you see someone who has achieved a high level of success, you are also seeing someone who has overcome many obstacles and adversities in her life. roughout your journey, you will see some barriers coming, and others will seem to pop up out of nowhere. Whether the obstacle is known or unknown, you will need to navigate the waters to reach your goal. One of the sayings I live by is, “Plan for the worst and work toward the best.” When you take that attitude, you can be prepared for the unexpected, or at least be able to handle an unexpected situation that arises with con dence and skill. Just like Bear Grylls from the show “Man Versus Wild,” the more prepared you are for the unexpected; the easier it will be for you to overcome the barriers that oppose you. Each obstacle you come up against o ers the opportunity to throw in the towel. at is the job of obstacles: to get you to give up. It is you against the barriers, mano-a-mano. My feelings on this subject run deep. In college, I wanted to get a tattoo, but not just any silly tattoo. I wanted it to have meaning. I wanted it to be something that inspired me when I saw it. In my research, I came 58
  • 60. e Game of Your Life across a saying written in hieroglyphics. It is translated as, “He who desists a er attack is the strengthener of the enemy’s heart.” Nothing rings more true. NEVER GIVE UP, BECAUSE IF YOU DO, YOU GIVE POWER TO YOUR OPPONENT. is slogan is with me all the time, imbedded in my skin. To this day, I draw power from it and use it daily. Too many people give up on their dreams because the obstacles have overwhelmed them. ey set out on a journey with a goal in mind, but as soon as the going gets rough, they pack it in and decide to give up. In order to achieve a high level of success and maintain that level, you must build the proper emotional and mental capacity to perform your absolute best every single day. You must also have the mental fortitude to stay the course and not allow anything to stop you from reaching your goals. In other words, you must be seasoned for success. Success is not for the faint of heart. Success is a learned behavior, achieved through hard work, sweat, and—unfortunately sometimes—tears. e more you succeed, the more you will continue to succeed; success breeds success. What Is Happiness? When are people the happiest? When they are winning. Happiness is achieved through success…through overcoming life’s obstacles and barriers while working toward your goals. Part of that formula is overcoming obstacles, fears, and barriers including the unseen obstacles that pop up unexpectedly. As discussed earlier, when you set a goal and move toward it, all manner of obstacles will present themselves. Some of these obstacles are predictable and some are not as obvious. Look at life’s little obstacles like the game Whac a Mole. As an obstacle pops its head up, you whack it and wait for the next one. When it shows up, you handle it and wait for the next one. If you play the game of life like 59
  • 61. Rex S. Gibson a game of Whac a Mole, you will nd that obstacle and barriers become their own sub-game. As you whack each mole, you get one step closer to winning the game. “Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I’ll give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals and I’ll give you a stock clerk.” – J. C. Penney Basic Rule of Life: You Grow or You Die ere is a law of nature that if you are not growing, you are dying. ere is absolutely nothing in between. Take a look at nature: trees don’t stop reaching for the sun. eir whole lives they are moving up toward the sun, pushing themselves to get closer to that goal. As soon as the tree stops reaching for the sun, it begins its death. Human beings are the same. e day you stop growing as a person and looking for the next goal to attain is the day you stop growing and, hence, the day you begin the descent toward death. We see this happen when older people are deemed unable to care for themselves and placed in an adult care facility. is is not to say that adult care facilities are bad, but the reality is that the average stay at an adult care facility before the person passes is less than two years. Some would argue that the person had failing health, and that may be, but if you combine fragile health with the loss of the ability to attain new life goals, the person stops growing and begins dying. Growth is defined as expansion whether personally, emotionally, educationally, or spiritually. When you stop expanding, you begin to shrink. ink about a rock thrown up in the air. e rock goes up to 60
  • 62. e Game of Your Life its maximum height, there is a moment that the rock stops going up, and at that moment the rock begins to descend. is is no di erent for humans. We are born, we have no choice but to grow and learn, and at some point when we reach adulthood, we either continue to grow or we begin our descent toward our ultimate demise. Expansion is the key to continued happiness, regardless of the circumstances around you. A person does not have to expand and grow like a rocket ship; a person just needs to continue moving forward, even if it is at a slow pace. Progress is progress! Remember, happiness comes through the PROCESS of overcoming life’s challenges while seeking to reach their goals.People can have happiness as long as they have further goals to attain. Once a person stops reaching for more, setting goals, and expanding as a person, happiness is a thing of the past. So, if you nd yourself unhappy, realize that you must not have a game to play. Set a goal, de ne the obstacles to overcome, be happy, and grow, grow, grow! Time Out: Taking a Break from the Game ere is a misguided belief in our society that tells people to take a break, smell the roses, and retire early. e concept is well intentioned, but the people giving that advice don’t realize that retiring early could have detrimental side e ects, and that being busy is really what creates happiness. I recommend and practice small breaks or vacations instead. A long weekend can do a lot to recharge your batteries. Sometimes a break can be something very simple. For example, I take mental vacations by going to motivational seminars. is may seem confusing to you, but what is the purpose of a vacation? To recharge, to get more energy, and to regenerate yourself so you can start looking for di erent 61
  • 63. Rex S. Gibson ways to accomplish your goals. I get all of this energy and information from other motivational speakers. One of the biggest turning points in my life was when I nally decided it was okay for me to be busy. I decided that, not only was it okay, but it was a really good thing, and it made me happy. Once I stopped listening to people who wanted me to slow down and take a break and allowed myself to be busy, I started accomplishing so much more and, as a result, became happier and more satis ed with my life. “Happiness is a matter of one’s most ordinary and everyday mode of consciousness being busy and lively and unconcerned with self.” – Iris Murdoch Do more, take on more, and continue to move toward your goals. I have no desire to retire at y—not even at sixty. I am not sure I will ever stop. I might play a di erent game, but I will never stop trying to achieve more and do as much as possible. e day you stop striving to reach that next level is the day you die. No truly successful people stop working. ey continue setting new goals, strategizing ways to reach those goals, and working relentlessly to achieve those ends. ey continue not because they have to, but because it makes them feel good. It gives them a sense of satisfaction and contentment. e drug of powerful people is goal attainment. “Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes o your goals.” – Sydney Smith 62
  • 64. e Game of Your Life CHAPTER 8 THE BEST GAME PLAN: EVERYONE WINS We have discussed many things up to this point, and if you absorbed even half of the concepts, you are well on your way to setting and attaining higher and better goals. There is one concept which can act as a decision lighthouse guiding you home to a place free of bad decisions. In order to understand this concept, we must establish some background information. People always align their efforts toward their goals. This is true of all people! The vast majority of people are working toward constructive / good goals, but there are the exceptions. The exceptions may not even realize that they are moving toward destruction, but outside observers can see it easily. The person who works toward destruction / failure has given up due to too many failures. So, those persons whose efforts seem to moving them in the path of destruction / failure ARE aligning their efforts toward their goals…their goal to fail. So, you are aligning your efforts…IS IT CONSTRUCTIVE or DESTRUCTIVE? 63
  • 65. Rex S. Gibson No person is an island. No person can exsist or succeed alone. Winning At Games In Life Quite simply the best decisions we all can make in life would consider the broadest parts of life or the greatest bene t to the greatest number of people and things. We will call this the GREATER GOOD for short. is is how you create the best of all possible scenarios. We do not live in a perfect world where the perfect choice is available to us. A perfect choice would be one that bene ts all things and people involved. Here we have a question of percentages. What is the highest percentage of bene t to the most things the decision or activity touchs. us as we roll along through our life, we can commit to making our decisions along the line of the greater good. ose decisions would be respected by the most number of people and would prove out in time to be milestones toward our success. As discussed in the previous section, the best solution must incorporate the greatest good for the greatest number of people and things involved or in uenced by your decision. A solution or decision can only be made based on information that is known at the time of the decision. is is why I suggest collecting as much information as possible regarding a particular situation before rendering a decision or selecting a path of action. 64
  • 66. e Game of Your Life New information comes to light every day. With new information, you will invariably nd that some of your best decisions were wrong. is tends to make you feel like you made mistakes. is is the wrong way to look at it. ere may be new information today that you were not privy to when you made the decision, but that does not invalidate the previous decision. It simply means you need to create a new best solution and make the appropriate corrections. C’est la vie—that’s life. Life’s path, like a car going down the road, will require many corrections. Live today and make the best decisions based on all of today’s data. Rule: Bene t the Most and Harm the Least! Best Solution is Based on All the Information Available at at Time e 24-Hour Rule This pearl of wisdom has kept me from making bad decisions in moments of high emotion. Have you ever heard some gossip or received some information that infuriated you? ese situations come up in life all the time, and when they do, you feel compelled to act or react immediately. e 24-hour rule can keep you from going o half cocked and regretting your actions later. Remember when we discussed the reactive mind and how it can make you act irrationally? ere is a fail safe switch. Giving yourself some time to re-analyze and see THE DIFFERENCES in a situation can lead you back to a good decision. When a highly emotional situation comes up which seems to require an action to be taken, don’t do anything. Wait, collect all the data—good and bad—si through the information, and formulate an initial decision. 65
  • 67. Rex S. Gibson If the decision does not require immediate action, wait 24 hours to review the information and ensure that your initial decision is the correct choice for you. You will nd that when the emotion dissipates, you can maintain your composure and use your reasoning mind to create the best solution. e more you train yourself to look for the truth in a situation, and give yourself time to process the information, the more high quality decisions you will make. e more this becomes a habit, the fewer regrets you will have. Although being decisive and making snap decisions is a desirable quality for successful people, rash decisions never created a winner. Quick Guide to Good Decisions ere are four questions you can ask yourself when making a decision. ese four questions will help you decide whether the solution that you have come up with is the best possible solution: 1. Is there any relevant information that I can draw on from the past? 2. Is the solution created from all current information at hand as opposed to past presumptions or failures? 3. Does the solution create the most good for the majority of people and things involved or in uenced, or the least harm to the majority of people and things involved or in uenced by the solution? 4. Have I given myself ample time to allow any emotion to dissipate and therefore not a ect my decision-making process? 66
  • 68. e Game of Your Life CHAPTER 9 PURPOSE: YOUR SECRET WEAPON FOR SUCCESS “ is is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish sel sh little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.” – George Bernard Shaw To review, a game has rules, barriers, and goals, but why do we play the game at all? Why do we need a goal? The answer to these questions touches on the deepest, most basic need in humans: purpose. It is the why, the drive, and the reason for doing what you do. The purpose of having a goal is that it gives you a reason to keep playing the game of life. When you get down to the basics, it gives your life meaning, and it is necessary if you want to keep moving forward. If you’re not moving forward you might as well pack it in and accept mediocrity. 67
  • 69. Rex S. Gibson The bigger the goal, the bigger the obstacles, and the bigger the reward; the main thing you have to focus on when you are moving forward through these obstacles is your why. Your why is the core reason or purpose that you have for reaching that goal. When you set a goal, ask yourself why you want to reach it. Keep asking why until your answer gives you goose bumps. When this happens, you have discovered your true why. For example, you may have a goal to earn a certain amount of money every month. Let’s say your goal is to earn $20k on a monthly basis. Now, ask yourself why you want to earn that amount of money. Why do you want to earn $20k monthly? Possibly because this will give you the house and the lifestyle you desire. Why do you want to have that particular lifestyle? Hmm, good question. You may want the house because of the large rooms and the open space. Well, why do you want the big rooms and the open space? Do you see my point here? You must keep asking yourself why you want to reach your particular goal. As you do this, your final answer will describe how reaching your goal will give you some type of feeling. Emotion is the fundamental impulse of the universe, and it motivates our every action. The more you are in touch with your why, the more emotionally attached you will be to your goal. I cannot stress enough how critical it is for you to define what you want. You must have a definite purpose and a definite plan for the attainment of that purpose. If your goal relates to business, how many people will it take to make your company as big as you want it to grow? Continue to ask yourself questions to gain more clarity. 68
  • 70. e Game of Your Life e Right Purpose— e Right Answer When it comes to your life and your purpose, there is no right or wrong answer. Purposes are as individual as snowflakes. What is right for you may not be right for me. Being a computer analyst might be your passion, while it will never be mine. This does not make it wrong. I loved cars when I was growing up, and still do. I loved anything with a motor. I look back on my life and I am pretty fortunate that my parents wanted me to have a good education, and even though I didn’t’ become an over the road trucker, or a NASCAR driver, I pursue my passion for cars in other ways. I have owned, modified and sold many, many cars. I have even had cars on the cover of Popular Hot Rodding. So, even though I didn’t use my passion for my occupation, I made sure my passion stayed in my life. The only wrong answer is not to follow your own path. The focus should not be on right or wrong so much as on choosing your own path instead of allowing someone else to define your purpose. When you nd your purpose and set a goal that you are passionate about, nothing can stop you from attaining your dreams! “All religions, arts, and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man’s life, li ing it from the sphere of mere physical existence, and leading the individual toward freedom.” – Albert Einstein 69
  • 72. e Game of Your Life CHAPTER 10 REALITY: PLAY YOUR GAME AND PLAY TO WIN What Is Fake Real and What Is Really Real I once read that “Reality is what we all agree on”: the grass is green, race horses are fast, and rocket ships go into outer space. Actuality is what the individual perceives and holds to be true. It is a subjective thing. at isn’t to say that actuality is widely held truth. Christopher Columbus had to prove that the earth was round; he knew it was, but he had to prove it to the masses in order for his actuality to become other people’s reality. You must realize that what is actual for you, may not be actual for another person. us it is not a reality, by the de nition above. Because of our varying life experiences, our perceptions can be quite di erent. Every person has lived a di erent life, with di erent circumstances, and di erent perceptions. As the saying goes, if you were to ask ten witnesses about the same accident, you would get ten di erent recollections of the situation. You should base your decisions on your own actuality. Another word for actuality is belief. Successful people believe that they are right. ey know that their actuality is correct, even if there is no other solid 71
  • 73. Rex S. Gibson evidence to prove it. Conviction of your own beliefs or actualities is what separates leaders from followers. How did Einstein come up with the theory of relativity? Did he agree with others? No. He used his own mind, followed what he knew to be true, and created his own actuality. en his actuality was tested, continued to hold true, and it became reality for others. What is truth? Truth is only truth if you believe it to be true. In other words, something is true only if you nd it to be true. e color red to someone else will never be the same as the color red you see through your own eyes. Have you ever heard a rumor about someone that you knew was untrue? is rumor could be widespread, but nevertheless, is false, no matter how many people spread the lie. Seek to know and live with the truth. Many times in life we are frightened because something is unknown to us; however, if you train yourself to see the truth in situations, it will take the fear out of life. For example, if you were to walk through a haunted house for the rst time, when the ghosts, goblins, or demons jump out at you, it is scary. When you walk through the second time, however, you are expecting those things and you are ready for them, so it is no longer scary. You must analyze the information and make the best decision with the information you have at the time. is includes any information from past experiences. When you nd your own truth and lter the lies from the data, you learn to disregard all the junk. You learn to see a situation for what it truly is. Your vision starts to become clear and things become less scary in your life. e more you continue to work on this and keep focused, the more 72
  • 74. e Game of Your Life it becomes a xed habit in your life. is takes practice and dedication, but it can help you advance your life to a higher and richer level. e more de ned your truth becomes and the more it is incorporated with integrity, ethics, and your morals, the stronger you become and the less intimidating life will be. Fear blinds truth. People look away from things they fear, so any situation that contains fear must be viewed and evaluated for the actuality in it. A dark alley can be a scary place, but once that alley is ooded with light, it no longer has the same e ect. If you do not face your fears and illuminate them with truth, you will be doomed to repeat history and be haunted by past failures. I’m not saying that looking at your fears is easy, just that it is necessary. e hardest part about facing your fears is nding the truth. e truth is not always pretty, but it is true. Once you have faced fear and seen truth with conviction and courage, you will nd yourself swelling with power you never thought you had. It is this power that magni es your chances of expanding and achieving all of your goals. “Fear can’t hold a candle to unswerving faith, much less muster up the guts to even attempt to blow it out.” – B. G. Jett 73
  • 76. e Game of Your Life CHAPTER 11 LUCK: CREATE IT, DON’T RELY ON IT “I’m a great believer in luck, and I nd the harder I work, the more I have of it.” – omas Je erson You hear it every day: “He’s so lucky to live in that house,” or “She’s so lucky to have that job.” Luck can be de ned as good fortune that came to someone without his or her own doing. When most people speak of luck, they are usually speaking of good luck. According to the de nition above, people are helpless victims of their own lives rather than being active players who control the outcome of the game. Luck is actually a product of hard work combined with a good strategy and the correct amount of e ort directed in the proper places to achieve a certain outcome. Derek Jeter is a top baseball player and has remarkable natural talent, but he would not be as great as he is without taking batting practice every day. Top athletes know that there is very little luck involved in their successes. It is a matter of being prepared and creating a foundation of basics that create success. Keeping this in mind, an individual can either choose to cause things to happen, or be 75