1. Working Clinically with Stepfamilies
Aims of the presentation
New Zealand Psychological Society Conference  Provide an overview of the issues confronting stepfamilies
Queenstown, August, 2011 and the clinician/s
 Examine stepfamily “architecture” or functioning
 Implications for practice
 A case discussion
Claire Cartwright PhD, DipClinPsych
University of Auckland
c.cartwright@auckland.ac.nz
CASE DISCUSSION Current Issues
 Ann works from home so is responsible for children after school
TONY
ANN
 Tries to get all the children to do homework, complains that SCh
fight, don’t cooperate, and go back to playing when she leaves
room
 Ann also says she doesn’t get any time much with Tony
 Tony arrives home at around 6.30. Ann does the dinner.
Bob Jack Jo Jill
13 6 7 15  Tony thinks they work things out well. Ann thinks that the rules
for the children are unclear.

2. Complex Stepfamilies The first two years
 Children experience difficulty
with the family changes
Two adults in a relationship and both have
children from previous unions living in the  Often a lack of preparation/
household repartnering can occur quickly
(Cartwright, 2010)
 Parents want the change – children often don’t
Children’s perspective Stepfamily “architecture”
and the first year or two
Children often do not want a stepparent or another change in the
family situation:
 Parent-child relationship is well-established
 New partner enters as an “outsider” to the system
SON: Well, I didn’t really feel bad but I didn’t feel really happy or
anything. I didn’t feel sad but I didn’t feel happy.
(When asked what he would have liked?)
SON: I wanted Mum and Dad back together.

3. Children and loyalty issues
Stepfamily “architecture”
and the first year or two
Children often feel jealous or threatened by
the time and attention going to the new
 Couple’s relationship lacks “middle ground” partner
Because your parent and stepparent are still getting to
 Children can feel like “outsiders” to the new know each other you don’t become nearly as, well in
your own eyes, as important. I definitely felt a bit
couple’s relationship (Cartwright) isolated especially going from a household with one
parent to two. There’s a lot less attention from
anyone really. (Female, Young adult study)
And you know how dare he come and steal our, what
we had, because we became really close, us three
girls and Simon and Mum, became really close and
you know how dare Mum think that she needs
someone else. (Young woman from Life Stories Study)
(Cartwright & Seymour, 2003)
The stepparent role and SP-Ch
relationship
Stepfamily “architecture”
Stepparent role:
 Stepparent-child relationships also lack “middle
ground”  Viewed as “ambiguous”
 Lack of consensus amongst SFs
And between adolescents and adults
 Loyalty issues are prevalent 
 Stepfamily boundary challenges Relationships between stepparents and children are often
troubled in the early stages
Building a relationship - “a crawling occupation”
(Pryor, 2005)

4. Lack of stepfamily norms Challenges of “Stepfamily architecture”
 Stepfamily couples attempt to form a “nuclear family”
Stepfamily “architecture” creates problems for adults and children
and use these norms to guide them
 Single parents - can be more permissive (guilt/concern for
 As do therapists not experienced with children)
stepfamilies/unaware of the research/knowledge
 Stepparents – can tend towards authoritarianism (partly in
response to “bad” behaviour of stepchildren)
 So parents and stepparents can polarize each other
Problems with an active stepparent role
Discipline - a key issue
 It is generally accepted by researchers and stepfamily
therapists that adoption of a parenting role by
I think one of the things that my Dad did wrong was, stepparents is often problematic
I think he sat back quite a lot with Ann (stepmother)
coming in and doing the disciplining of us and my  Many stepparents, sometimes with partner’s
little brother. He’d just sort of sit there, and not encouragement, assume an active parenting (esp.
want to look at what she was doing, and say: No, discipline/control) role too early
that’s wrong! You’re not supposed to do that to a
kid. And he’d just sit there cause he didn’t want  Stepchildren most often respond to this negatively
more conflict because it would just go on and on.
(Male)  Even sensitive or authoritative parenting by the
stepparent is often unwanted by children in early stages

5. Rescue Fantasies The stepparent role
(Hetherington & Kelly, 2002)
 The rescue fantasy Researchers and clinicians conclude:
 The stepparent thinks they will “shape the kids up”
and rescue children from inadequate discipline  Best if the parent continues to have main
 Or rescue the parent from his/her badly behaved or responsibility for children - discipline/care
over-demanding children
 SP attempts to build a relationship - a friendship, to
 Another rescue fantasy in stepmother families: earn trust
 The father thinks that the stepmother will take over
primary responsibility for the care and nurturing of
the stepchild/ren  Supports the discipline of the parent
Our stepfamily’s architecture Our stepfamily’s architecture
 The children have lived in single parent households and  The step/mother has taken responsibility (or expected to) for
become used to having parent to themselves care of the stepchildren after school- and for homework. She
is also doing most of the cooking.
 Oldest boy especially loses his position in the family/and Hence, the stepmother has taken on a parenting role.
with siblings
 The children are all living away from their biological other  She is experiencing a lack of cooperation from the
parents stepchildren including fighting amongst themselves/she
appears frustrated and stressed
 Each parent now has a new partner and increased
competition for time – less time with parents  The father’s children are being cared for less by their own
parent than the stepparent
 The couple are developing their relationship with 4 children
in the house  SM is an outsider but is playing a central parenting role

6. Therapeutic Interventions
Common practices to avoid with stepfamilies
(Browning, 2011)
 Psychoeducation and normalization
 Asking the entire stepfamily to come in
(Instead, usually sees the stepcouples first and concentrates on sub- It takes time for stepfamilies to adjust (two to four years)
systems in early to middle stages)
Stepfamilies work differently in some ways - important to work out what
works.
 Establishing heirarchical boundaries
(One of the couple is not a parent - so development of a parenting  Interventions aimed at developing an adaptive stepparent
alliance will most likely include a lesser role for the stepparent) role - Also some psychoeducation/normalization around this
 Establishing family rules too early/too easily Stepmum has taken on responsibility for the children and their
homework/ she’s having some difficulties with this /and it might be a
good idea to give her a break from that / children might like Dad’s
assistance, and do better at the homework
Therapeutic Interventions
Recommended Stepfamily Authors
 Involving adults in finding alternatives to try/experiments
 Patricia Papernow
How can we try out Tony (Dad) doing some of the homework with
children? Perhaps the youngest two? Maybe oldest by self and show  Scott Browning
Dad?  Jan Rodwell (NZ)
 Interventions aimed at strengthening relationships:
Parent-child
Couple’s
Stepparent-child
 The importance of being empathic/building empathy
within the relationship