2. It shouldn't hurt to be a kid....
Child abuse is physical -- shaking,
hitting, beating, burning, or biting a
child.
•Child abuse is emotional --
constantly blaming or putting
down a child; excessive yelling,
shaming.
•Child abuse is sexual -- incest,
any forced sexual activity,
exposure to sexual stimulation
not appropriate for the child's
age.
•Child abuse is neglect -- a
pattern of failure to provide
for the child's physical needs,
such as food, clothing, shelter,
and medical care; a pattern of
failure to provide for the •Children are often
child's emotional needs, such as Did You Know...
"punished" for behavior Child abuse prevention
affection, attention, and they are too young to costs only a fraction of
supervision . control. the millions of dollars
•Abusive parents do not currently needed to
know they have to teach respond after a child has
the behavior they want the been abused.
child to have. Punishing In some countries
unwanted behavior is not receives well over 20,000
enough. reports of child abuse
•Parents and caretakers every year.
often abuse children in Child abuse occurs in
response to their own anger every age group, every
and unhappiness. It may race, every religion and
have no relationship to what every economic group. No
the child is doing at the community is untouched.
time.
Abused children:
Believe that they
have no value.
Believe that they
cannot affect the
world around them
with good behavior.
What are the Consequences feel angry and/or
of Child Abuse? depressed.
•In an abusive environment, children are
often expected to behave as if they are
much older than they are. 1
3. Child neglect—a very common type of child
abuse—is a pattern of failing to provide for a
child's basic needs, whether it be adequate food,
clothing, hygiene, or supervision. Child neglect is
not always easy to spot. Sometimes, a parent might
become physically or mentally unable to care for a
child, such as with a serious injury, untreated
depression, or anxiety. Other times, alcohol or
drug abuse may seriously impair judgment and the
ability to keep a child safe.
Older children might not show outward signs of
neglect, becoming used to presenting a competent
face to the outside world, and even taking on the
role of the parent. But at the end of the day,
neglected children are not getting their physical
and emotional needs met.
Failure to continue to get help for a child who is not doing well or who is improperly cared for
may be interpreted as another form of neglect. This can result in criminal action or action by
child protective services that may result in children being removed from the home and placed
in foster care. This effort to seek help often falls on agencies that are fundamentally
incapable of providing help due to lack of money and resources. This can be frustrating and
exasperating. These feelings can lead to giving up efforts to get help. This sense of futility
must be overcome and continued efforts expended either through repeated requests or by
seeking out other people who may be able to help (family and friends).
Emotional neglect is a condition in
which children do not get adequate
attention from their parents or Warning signs of neglect in children
guardians. Clothes are ill-fitting, filthy, or
With mild forms of emotional neglect, inappropriate for the weather. Hygiene is
children can develop rebellious consistently bad (unbathed, matted and
behaviors or become alienated from unwashed hair, noticeable body odor).
their parents. In more severe cases of Untreated illnesses and physical injuries.
emotional neglect, especially with Is frequently unsupervised or left alone or
babies or very young children, neglect allowed to play in unsafe situations and
can result in very abnormal behaviors. environments. Is frequently late or missing
Parents who recognize any of these from school.
problems can avoid the consequences
of emotional neglect through parental
training courses, reading, and effort.
Children need to be shown that they
are cared about and that you are
aware of their need to be loved as
they grow up.
2
4. Is a non-accidental trauma or physical injury caused by punching, beating, kicking, biting, burning or
otherwise harming a child, physical abuse is the most visible form of child maltreatment.
Many times, physical abuse results from inappropriate or excessive physical discipline. A parent or
caretaker in anger may be unaware of the magnitude of force with which he or she strikes the child.
Other factors that can contribute to child abuse include parents’ immaturity, lack of parenting
skills, poor childhood experiences and social isolation, as well as frequent crisis situations, drug or
alcohol problems and domestic violence.
Physical child abuse effects vary from
child to child, depending on six
factors:
» severity of the physical abuse
» frequency of the physical abuse
» age of the child when physical
abuse began
» child's relationship to the abuser
» availability of support persons
» child's ability to cope
The physical signs of child abuse used to be
called battered child syndrome. This syndrome
referred to many fractures that occurred at
different times in children too young to have
received them from an accident. The definition
of child abuse has since been expanded.
Severity of the physical abuse: How hard
a child is struck is only one aspect of
severity. The implement the child is struck
with is also a factor. This does not mean
that using an open hand or fist will result in
fewer or lesser effects; the harm done to
the child is measured both by physical
injury and emotional injury.
Child's relationship to the abuser: When a child
has a very close relationship with his/her abuser,
the feelings of betrayal are that much greater;
the very person who is supposed to protect is
instead hurting that child.
3
5. Is a form of child abuse in a child to produce child
pornography.
which an adult or older The effects of child sexual
adolescent uses a child for abuse can
sexual stimulation. Forms of include depression, post-
child sexual abuse include traumatic stress disorder,
asking or pressuring a child anxiety, propensity to
to engage in sexual activities further victimization in
(regardless of the adulthood, and physical
outcome), indecent injury to the child, among
exposure (of the genitals, other problems. Sexual
female nipples, etc.) to a abuse by a family member is
child with intent to gratify a form of incest, and can
their own sexual desires or result in more serious and
to intimidate or groom the long-term psychological
child, physical sexual trauma, especially in the
contact with a child, or using case of parental incest.
Under the law, "child sexual abuse" is an umbrella term describing criminal and civil offenses in which
an adult engages in sexual activity with a minor or exploits a minor for the purpose of sexual
gratification. The American Psychiatric Association states that "children cannot consent to sexual
activity with adults", and condemns any such action by an adult: "An adult who engages in sexual
activity with a child is performing a criminal and immoral act which never can be considered normal or
socially acceptable behavior
• Rejecting. This is an creates a climate of fear
active refusal to respond for the child. Terrorizing
to a child’s needs (e.g., can include placing the
refusing to touch a child, child or the child’s loved
denying the needs of a one (such as a sibling, pet
child, ridiculing a child). or toy) in a dangerous or
• Isolating. The parent or chaotic situation.
caregiver consistently Neglecting the child. This
prevents the child from abuse may include
having normal social educational neglect, where
interactions with peers, a parent or caregiver fails
family members and adults. or refuses to provide the
• Exploiting or corrupting. child with necessary
In this kind of abuse, a educational services;
child is taught, encouraged mental health neglect,
or forced to develop where the parent or
inappropriate or illegal caregiver denies or ignores
Psychological abuse, emotional behaviors. a child’s need for
abuse or mental abuse, is commonly defined as • Verbally assaulting. This treatment for
a pattern of behavior by parents or caregivers involves constantly psychological problems; or
that can seriously interfere with a child’s belittling, shaming, medical neglect, where a
cognitive, emotional, psychological or social ridiculing or verbally parent or caregiver denies
development. Emotional abuse of a child (also threatening the child. or ignores a child’s need
referred to as psychological maltreatment) Terrorizing: the parent or for treatment for medical
can include: caregiver threatens or problems.
• Ignoring. Either physically or psychologically, bullies the child and
the parent or caregiver is not present to
respond to the child. 4
6. A middle-aged woman walked into my office, took a seat and asked, "Is it possible for me
to have been a victim of child abuse if I was never beaten or molested? I responded, "yes"
and asked why she asked. She described herself as being frequently depressed and unable
to feel good about herself. She said that she felt that she did not know who she was, or
what her purpose in life was. She said that her parents were good, strict parents and that,
in all honesty, she had no right to feel badly about herself. "After all," she added, "worse
things have happened to other people."
When I asked her if she felt angry about how
she and her siblings were treated, she replied,
"No, we weren't really allowed to get angry.
Anger just makes things worse. Besides, I've
always been much too sensitive about things.“
It seemed to me that as the "good girl" she
even felt guilty questioning her parents as she
spoke to me. She spoke in a polite, soft tone,
qualified nearly everything that she said, and
reminded me several times about her parents'
good intentions.
I thought that there had to be a reason for her
asking her original question even though she
insisted that she had a wonderful upbringing. I
asked her what her parents' attitude had been
like towards her. She said that in her home
children were "seen and not heard." She
recalled being the "good girl" in the family who
always followed the rules. When I asked her
what happened if she didn't follow the rules,
she said that she never dared rebel but that
she often saw her siblings publicly humiliated;
they were frequently called "imbecile,"
"dummy," or "useless." When I gently suggested that it may be
beneficial that she try to begin to look more
She said that it made her feel afraid, even at her past and how it may be keeping her
when she was not the one in trouble. When I from fulfilling her dreams in the present,
asked her what she thought of this tactic, she she said that she was wrong for having come
stated that she knew that her parents did the in and that blaming her parents was an
best that they could. She said that her parents ungrateful and disrespectful act. I explained
were simply trying to teach all the children the that the goal of therapy is to understand
"ways of right and wrong" so that they would what happened so that she could be as
grow up to be "disciplined and successful accepting of herself as she was of others.
adults."
5
7. Therapy is never about blame.
It's about understanding,
healing and growing. This
example illustrates one way in
which psychological
maltreatment had adversely
impacted the life of a woman.
There are many types of
psychological maltreatment
and just as many ways that it
impacts the emotional, social,
and intellectual development
of individuals. In this case,
although her parents had,
What is particularly insidious
perhaps, acted in ways that
about this form of abuse is
they felt would be in the best
that the child victim and the
interest of their children,
adult survivor often have no
this woman had learned how
idea "what hit them." There
to "be good" at the expense
are no memories and no
of learning who she was, what
physical evidence of being
she wanted, and how to
beaten, molested, or abused
express her own feelings.
because the bruises and scars
Maybe she was depressed
are invisible. It is the soul
because she was too afraid to
that is injured.
take chances and risk making
Part of being a child is to
an error; after all, in her
naturally trust one's parents
family, making an error meant
or caretakers and assume
taking the chance of being
that if the adult says, "this is
devastated by humiliation and
for your own good," it truly is.
ridicule. They discredit their own
Even as adults, therefore,
victims of psychological reactions and feelings so
maltreatment often find it that their perceptions
difficult to trust their own match what they are told
judgment since an integral to think or feel. They
part of the abuse was often conclude that had
reinforcing that they didn't they been better, smarter,
know what was best for them. or more obedient, their
Many children and adults parents would have been
simply accept the blame and more loving, supportive, or
think that they are the proud of them.
problem and are crazy, bad, or Unfortunately, depression
worthless. and low self esteem are
natural consequences of
this process. The good
news is: this is treatable.
Therapy can bring relief
and a new sense of
purpose.
By: August 1996 By
6 Dr. Stacy Becker
