I wonder if the Lean Startup concept could be applied to Dating. Here are just a few ideas to get the ball rolling. Join the discussion at leandating.wordpress.com
Hi it’s Drew Long co-founder of the ill-fated video dating startup First Sight which closed late last year . . . You probably haven’t heard of it because it was so ill-fatedI’m still trying to solve the big, hairy problem of how to find a mate.Well, it’s not a *hairy* problem for all of us, exactly. But it’s a big problem for a lot of people. Specifically young single men who work in the tech industry. So let me explain this idea I have called Lean Dating.
Obviously as part of doing my startup I read about Lean Startups. I thought, “What If we applied some of those principles to dating?” What would it look like?”
I think it would look like this: Testing, Measurement, and Iterated Learning.Men would THINK CRITICALLY about their romantic goals. Do they really want a string of one night stands, or a healthy, fulfilling relationship? What kind of women do they like? Etc.Then they would ADJUST their behavior based on the now pretty well understood principles of what makes men attractive to women. This is NOT to say that every guy has to become some roided out Alpha guy. If you read Robert Greene’s Art of Seduction you will find MANY male archetypes that women respond to well. It’s a good exercise to go through the book and find out what kind of male archetype you are, and this isn’t even getting into the Jungian archetypes (which Greene probably based his work on anyway.)The most important step would be TESTING these adjustments in the real world, with real women. If I change how I dress, do the reactions I get also change? What about changes to my body language, my conversational skills, my ability to crack good jokes? What if I start hanging around different social circles? What if I get better at meeting people who are different from me? What if I change my behavior over the phone, or when I text a woman? You get the idea.Of course, all of this is just so much mental wankery if we don’t MEASURE the results, and this is where PERSONAL DATING METRICS come in (we’ll get to those in a minute.) If you PDMs are improving, you’re clearly on the right track – if they’re not improving, you need to ADJUST behavior again.This would be an cycle that men would go through until they achieved their romantic goals.
So although dating is not a zero-sum game, it does pose the question: are you learning from your dating experiences? Are you using that learning to get better results? The ego gets in the way. But if we can get past the ego, I think we can all have better results. And that leads to my HYPOTHESIS about Lean Dating . . .
So although dating is not a zero-sum game, it does pose the question: are you learning from your dating experiences? Are you using that learning to get better results? The ego gets in the way. But if we can get past the ego, I think we can all have better results. And that leads to my HYPOTHESIS about Lean Dating . . .
I think it would look like this. Men would THINK CRITICALLY about their romantic goals. Do they really want a string of one night stands, or a healthy, fulfilling relationship? What kind of women do they like? Etc.Then they would ADJUST their behavior based on the now pretty well understood principles of what makes men attractive to women. This is NOT to say that every guy has to become some roided out Alpha guy. If you read Robert Greene’s Art of Seduction you will find MANY male archetypes that women respond to well. It’s a good exercise to go through the book and find out what kind of male archetype you are, and this isn’t even getting into the Jungian archetypes (which Greene probably based his work on anyway.)The most important step would be TESTING these adjustments in the real world, with real women. If I change how I dress, do the reactions I get also change? What about changes to my body language, my conversational skills, my ability to crack good jokes? What if I start hanging around different social circles? What if I get better at meeting people who are different from me? What if I change my behavior over the phone, or when I text a woman? You get the idea.Of course, all of this is just so much mental wankery if we don’t MEASURE the results, and this is where PERSONAL DATING METRICS come in (we’ll get to those in a minute.) If you PDMs are improving, you’re clearly on the right track – if they’re not improving, you need to ADJUST behavior again.This would be an cycle that men would go through until they achieved their romantic goals.
I think it would look like this. Men would THINK CRITICALLY about their romantic goals. Do they really want a string of one night stands, or a healthy, fulfilling relationship? What kind of women do they like? Etc.Then they would ADJUST their behavior based on the now pretty well understood principles of what makes men attractive to women. This is NOT to say that every guy has to become some roided out Alpha guy. If you read Robert Greene’s Art of Seduction you will find MANY male archetypes that women respond to well. It’s a good exercise to go through the book and find out what kind of male archetype you are, and this isn’t even getting into the Jungian archetypes (which Greene probably based his work on anyway.)The most important step would be TESTING these adjustments in the real world, with real women. If I change how I dress, do the reactions I get also change? What about changes to my body language, my conversational skills, my ability to crack good jokes? What if I start hanging around different social circles? What if I get better at meeting people who are different from me? What if I change my behavior over the phone, or when I text a woman? You get the idea.Of course, all of this is just so much mental wankery if we don’t MEASURE the results, and this is where PERSONAL DATING METRICS come in (we’ll get to those in a minute.) If you PDMs are improving, you’re clearly on the right track – if they’re not improving, you need to ADJUST behavior again.This would be an cycle that men would go through until they achieved their romantic goals.
I think it would look like this. Men would THINK CRITICALLY about their romantic goals. Do they really want a string of one night stands, or a healthy, fulfilling relationship? What kind of women do they like? Etc.Then they would ADJUST their behavior based on the now pretty well understood principles of what makes men attractive to women. This is NOT to say that every guy has to become some roided out Alpha guy. If you read Robert Greene’s Art of Seduction you will find MANY male archetypes that women respond to well. It’s a good exercise to go through the book and find out what kind of male archetype you are, and this isn’t even getting into the Jungian archetypes (which Greene probably based his work on anyway.)The most important step would be TESTING these adjustments in the real world, with real women. If I change how I dress, do the reactions I get also change? What about changes to my body language, my conversational skills, my ability to crack good jokes? What if I start hanging around different social circles? What if I get better at meeting people who are different from me? What if I change my behavior over the phone, or when I text a woman? You get the idea.Of course, all of this is just so much mental wankery if we don’t MEASURE the results, and this is where PERSONAL DATING METRICS come in (we’ll get to those in a minute.) If you PDMs are improving, you’re clearly on the right track – if they’re not improving, you need to ADJUST behavior again.This would be an cycle that men would go through until they achieved their romantic goals.
I think it would look like this. Men would THINK CRITICALLY about their romantic goals. Do they really want a string of one night stands, or a healthy, fulfilling relationship? What kind of women do they like? Etc.Then they would ADJUST their behavior based on the now pretty well understood principles of what makes men attractive to women. This is NOT to say that every guy has to become some roided out Alpha guy. If you read Robert Greene’s Art of Seduction you will find MANY male archetypes that women respond to well. It’s a good exercise to go through the book and find out what kind of male archetype you are, and this isn’t even getting into the Jungian archetypes (which Greene probably based his work on anyway.)The most important step would be TESTING these adjustments in the real world, with real women. If I change how I dress, do the reactions I get also change? What about changes to my body language, my conversational skills, my ability to crack good jokes? What if I start hanging around different social circles? What if I get better at meeting people who are different from me? What if I change my behavior over the phone, or when I text a woman? You get the idea.Of course, all of this is just so much mental wankery if we don’t MEASURE the results, and this is where PERSONAL DATING METRICS come in (we’ll get to those in a minute.) If you PDMs are improving, you’re clearly on the right track – if they’re not improving, you need to ADJUST behavior again.This would be an cycle that men would go through until they achieved their romantic goals.
I think it would look like this. Men would THINK CRITICALLY about their romantic goals. Do they really want a string of one night stands, or a healthy, fulfilling relationship? What kind of women do they like? Etc.Then they would ADJUST their behavior based on the now pretty well understood principles of what makes men attractive to women. This is NOT to say that every guy has to become some roided out Alpha guy. If you read Robert Greene’s Art of Seduction you will find MANY male archetypes that women respond to well. It’s a good exercise to go through the book and find out what kind of male archetype you are, and this isn’t even getting into the Jungian archetypes (which Greene probably based his work on anyway.)The most important step would be TESTING these adjustments in the real world, with real women. If I change how I dress, do the reactions I get also change? What about changes to my body language, my conversational skills, my ability to crack good jokes? What if I start hanging around different social circles? What if I get better at meeting people who are different from me? What if I change my behavior over the phone, or when I text a woman? You get the idea.Of course, all of this is just so much mental wankery if we don’t MEASURE the results, and this is where PERSONAL DATING METRICS come in (we’ll get to those in a minute.) If you PDMs are improving, you’re clearly on the right track – if they’re not improving, you need to ADJUST behavior again.This would be an cycle that men would go through until they achieved their romantic goals.
So although dating is not a zero-sum game, it does pose the question: are you learning from your dating experiences? Are you using that learning to get better results? The ego gets in the way. But if we can get past the ego, I think we can all have better results. And that leads to my HYPOTHESIS about Lean Dating . . .
So although dating is not a zero-sum game, it does pose the question: are you learning from your dating experiences? Are you using that learning to get better results? The ego gets in the way. But if we can get past the ego, I think we can all have better results. And that leads to my HYPOTHESIS about Lean Dating . . .
So although dating is not a zero-sum game, it does pose the question: are you learning from your dating experiences? Are you using that learning to get better results? The ego gets in the way. But if we can get past the ego, I think we can all have better results. And that leads to my HYPOTHESIS about Lean Dating . . .
So although dating is not a zero-sum game, it does pose the question: are you learning from your dating experiences? Are you using that learning to get better results? The ego gets in the way. But if we can get past the ego, I think we can all have better results. And that leads to my HYPOTHESIS about Lean Dating . . .
It’s better than letting romance be random. As soon as you start observing your behavior and measuring how “successful” they are, getting rid of what’s not contributing to your success and adding what IS, you will be more successful.When I say “better” I mean “more meaningful.” A lot of guys just want to get laid. This is not for them. There’s plenty of material out there on how to get laid in one night. That’s not the goal here because it doesn’t lead to ultimate happiness. THE DATA show us this. Single or divorced guys have sex less often than guys in nurturing happy relationships. QED.
