1. Vision for a Healthy Blessed
Marriage
Building a Strong & Loving
Relationship

2. Marriage Is a Blessing
For God and the world For the partners
• “The union of man and • “Your spouse is your
woman is the union of second messiah.”
heaven and earth.” • “Neither man nor woman
Father can touch God’s highest
love by themselves.”
Father

3. How Is Your Marriage a Blessing?
• For others? • For ourselves?

4. How Our Marriage Is a Blessing
For others For ourselves
• God’s joy • Moral and spiritual growth
• Parents’ and ancestors’ • Companionship
hope • Productivity and
• Children’s security parenthood
• Backbone of the family • Health, longevity, wealth
• Stabilizer for the
community
• Bridges different worlds

5. How Is Blessed Marriage a Challenge?
• “Fundraising duty or witnessing is a light burden
compared to harmonizing one heavenly home here on
earth. Perfecting your love in your home is not easy!”
Father Moon

6. Three Secrets of Strong Marriages
1. Keep both dimensions strong
2. Handle conflict wisely
3. Keep positives greater than
negatives

7. 1. Keep Both Dimensions Strong

8. Two Dimensions of Strong Marriages
Horizontal: Vertical:
Friends & Lovers Partners in Purpose
• Friendship • Commitment
• Passion • Purpose
Purpose
Friendship Marital Passion
Love
Commitment Adapted from Robert
Sternberg’s Triangle
Theory of Love

9. Partners in Purpose
1. Commitment 2. Purpose
• Pledge of loyalty • Shared ideals
• Team up against and meaning
problems • Common
• Investment Purpose projects, service and
of one’s sacrifices
best efforts Marital • Mutual
respect
Love
• Personal growth
Commitment

10. Friends & Lovers
3. Friendship 4. Passion
• Enjoying each other’s company • Physical
• Safety and comfort attraction
• Sharing of joys and hardships • Romantic
feelings
Friendship Marital Passion
Love

11. Which Dimension Is Stronger in Your
Relationship Now?
Horizontal: Vertical:
Friends & Lovers Partners in Purpose
• Friendship • Commitment
• Passion • Purpose
Purpose
Friendship Marital Passion
Love
Commitment

12. 2. Handle Conflict Wisely

13. Conflict Is a Normal Stage of Early
Marriage

14. Signs of the Conflict Stage
• You want more private time and space • You feel
• Loving gestures—notes, flowers, deprived and
massages—are falling away disillusioned
• Sacrificing is not as easy anymore • You try to
make each act
• Conversation is no longer as automatic
as you used to
• Small habits, once endearing, are now
• You start
annoying
whining,
• You notice bad traits you overlooked nagging,
before and fighting

15. Many Couples Do Not Grow Past the
Conflict Stage
Resignation
“I give up”
Escape
“I’ll invest
elsewhere
”

16. Lasting Love Is Built & Maintained
Through Character, Skills & Insight

17. Strong Couples Build True Love
based on Acceptance and Appreciation

18. 3. Keep Positives Greater than
Negatives

19. Happy Couples See More Positives than
Negatives in Their Relationship
Keep a high ratio of positives to negatives
1. Maintain and promote 2. Prevent and reduce
the positive aspects of the negative aspects
the relationship
• Couples are happy when they
believe that there are more
positives than negatives

20. High Level of Positives Makes
Negatives Less Important
All couples have negative aspects to deal with
• Low level of positives makes
negatives look worse
Marriage
Positives Marriage
Negatives Negatives

21. Reduce the Negatives
• Accept differences and disagreements as natural
• Follow shared ground rules for managing conflicts well
• Use a safe way to talk about difficult issues

22. What Actions & Experiences Help
Generate Love?

23. Build Up the Positives 1
1. Serving and meeting each other’s
needs
2. Nearness, familiarity and common
history
3. Shared fun and novel, positive
experiences
4. Teamwork in solving a problem;
learning together

24. Build Up the Positives 2
5. Pursuing common ideals;
mutual respect
6. Shared suffering,
and relying on one
another
7. Sharing secrets and
weaknesses
8. Resolving a conflict together;
forgiveness
9. Physical affection and sex

25. Three Secrets of Strong Marriages
1. Keep both dimensions strong
2. Handle conflict wisely
3. Keep positives greater than
negatives

26. Tool: Goal Setting
Individually, set 1 to 2 clear goals for you to gain today
and for the relationship.
•Make them small, specific and expressed in a positive
way:
• “I want to learn to disagree calmly” rather than “I want
to stop getting so angry.”
•Keep them private or share them if you both wish to.