A PowerPoint which offers different 'takes' on possible empathic responses to situations.

1. Introduction to Person-Centred Practice Session 8 – Practising Empathic Responses FdA Counselling The source of these exercises is lost to me . . . Been using them for decades . . . I’m fairly sure I got them from a published book . . . If you know the source please email [email_address] and I will update this set of slides to give full acknowledgement. Thank you.

2. Refining Empathic Responding Here is a series of statements made by clients to practitioners. Each statement is followed by a number of replies . Please click to get to next slide / response Rank each reply, according to whether you think it is a "Highly empathic response"; a "Moderately empathic response “ ; or a “Non‑empathic response ". Remember that the purpose of the responding response is to indicate to the other person that the latter's feelings have been understood . How far does each response get inside the client's frame of reference ?

3. Statement 1 “ I'm not getting on well with my studies. I can't concentrate on what I'm doing and am feeling really fed‑up with the course. I'm thinking of dropping out. ” (a) I'd like to hear more about the problem if you would like to talk about it. (b) You sound rather gloomy and depressed at the moment about your studies, and perhaps concerned and anxious about whether you are going about your work in the right way and where you go from here. (c) You know what's best for you. (d) It would be a pity if you dropped out of the course, as I know you have put a great deal of time and effort into it. I ’m sure everything will turn out OK if you stick at it. e) The course is not difficult. You should try to pull yourself together. Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

5. Response 1b “ I'm not getting on well with my studies. I can't concentrate on what I'm doing and am feeling really fed‑up with the course. I'm thinking of dropping out. ” (b) You sound rather gloomy and depressed at the moment about your studies, and perhaps concerned and anxious about whether you are going about your work in the right way and where you go from here. Captures the clients sense of gloom and depression about what is happening as well as the expression of anxiety about the future. HIGHLY EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

6. Response 1c “ I'm not getting on well with my studies. I can't concentrate on what I'm doing and am feeling really fed‑up with the course. I'm thinking of dropping out. ” (c) You know what's best for you. Rather punitive and dismissive. NON-EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

7. Response 1d “ I'm not getting on well with my studies. I can't concentrate on what I'm doing and am feeling really fed‑up with the course. I'm thinking of dropping out. ” (d) It would be a pity if you dropped out of the course, as I know you have put a great deal of time and effort into it. I ’m sure everything will turn out OK if you stick at it. Sympathy rather than Empathy. Effort to re‑assure is highly external. This response is a good example of one coming from the external frame of reference. NON-EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

8. Response 1e “ I'm not getting on well with my studies. I can't concentrate on what I'm doing and am feeling really fed‑up with the course. I'm thinking of dropping out. ” e) The course is not difficult. You should try to pull yourself together. Moralizing and patronizing; likely to alienate the client. NON-EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

9. Statement 2 “ I can't make up my mind about whether I really want this job. I don't feel confident, but my spouse is pushing me hard to accept. ” (a) It seems like you are under a lot of pressure at the present time and feeling very uncertain. It feels like a very uncomfortable position. (b) I know just what it's like. I was in exactly the same situation as you last year. Men / women are all the same. (c) Don't worry. Leave matters to settle for a day or two and I'm sure that you will arrive at the correct decision. (d) Your spouse seems to be making life very difficult for you. I wonder why ? (e) It sound as though you don't really know what to do for the, best. Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

10. Response 2a “ I can't make up my mind about whether I really want this job. I don't feel confident, but my spouse is pushing me hard to accept. ” (a) It seems like you are under a lot of pressure at the present time and feeling very uncertain. It feels like a very uncomfortable position to be in. Re‑states to the client the emotional content of the communication. Gets into the client's internal, subjective, perceptual world. HIGHLY EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

11. Response 2b “ I can't make up my mind about whether I really want this job. I don't feel confident, but my spouse is pushing me hard to accept. ” (b) I know just what it's like. I was in exactly the same situation as you last year. Men / women are all the same. You can't know exactly what it's like. Each person's experience is unique. We can only try to understand, in a tentative and hesitant way, what it is like to be that other person. Moreover, labelling men/women as all the same (bad at that), gives the impression of a practitioner who is highly judgemental. NON-EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

12. Response 2c “ I can't make up my mind about whether I really want this job. I don't feel confident, but my spouse is pushing me hard to accept. ” (c) Don't worry. Leave matters to settle for a day or two and I'm sure that you will arrive at the correct decision. Rather patronizing and dismissive of the problem. NON-EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

13. Response 2d “ I can't make up my mind about whether I really want this job. I don't feel confident, but my spouse is pushing me hard to accept. ” (d) Your spouse seems to be making life very difficult for you. I wonder why ? Gets slightly into the client's internal frame of reference; but on the negative side focuses attention on the spouse rather than the client. In addition, the response ignores the bit of the client's communication about the difficulty of not being able to make up his or her mind. In this sense, therefore, the response is partial. MODERATELY EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

14. Response 2e “ I can't make up my mind about whether I really want this job. I don't feel confident, but my spouse is pushing me hard to accept. ” (e) It sound as though you don't really know what to do for the best. Accurate understanding, but rather an intellectual response which doesn't grasp the nuances in the way that the first response does. MODERATELY EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

15. Statement 3 “ I’m just not getting on with my colleagues at work. I find it hard to live up to their expectations of me and I feel that they've now begun to exclude me from things. ” (a) Your team has a reputation for being difficult. Don ’ t worry. (b) Perhaps you could try to be more friendly towards your colleagues. (c) You are still new, I ’m sure that things will improve in time. (d) It seems like you are concerned about how you are relating to your colleagues and that this is causing you a lot of anxiety at present. (e) I wonder why you are having this problem ? Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

16. Response 3a “ I’m just not getting on with my colleagues at work. I find it hard to live up to their expectations of me and I feel that they've now begun to exclude me from things. ” (a) Your team has a reputation for being difficult. Don ’ t worry. Patronizing and dismissive. NON-EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

17. Response 3b “ I’m just not getting on with my colleagues at work. I find it hard to live up to their expectations of me and I feel that they've now begun to exclude me from things. ” (b) Perhaps you could try to be more friendly towards your colleagues. Highly evaluative; appears to be blaming the client and is likely to alienate. NON-EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

18. Response 3c “ I’m just not getting on with my colleagues at work. I find it hard to live up to their expectations of me and I feel that they've now begun to exclude me from things. ” (c) You are still new and I ’m sure that things will improve in time. Once again, low in empathy; makes no attempt to get into the client's internal frame of reference; there is no engagement with the client's feelings. NON-EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

19. Response 3d “ I’m just not getting on with my colleagues at work. I find it hard to live up to their expectations of me and I feel that they've now begun to exclude me from things. ” (d) It seems like you are concerned about how you are relating to your colleagues and that this is causing you a lot of anxiety at present. An empathic response does not have to be sophisticated. In this example, the practitioner identifies the concern and anxiety expressed by the client and feeds it back. In this way, an indication is given that the practitioner has been working within the client's internal frame of reference. HIGHLY EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

20. Response 3e “ I’m just not getting on with my colleagues at work. I find it hard to live up to their expectations of me and I feel that they've now begun to exclude me from things. ” (e) I wonder why you are having this problem ? Makes no effort to get into the internal frame of reference of the client. If the client knew why there was a problem, there would be no need to seek help from a counsellor in the first place. NON-EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

21. Statement 4 “ I’m worried about my relationship with my partner. We never have sex together anymore ” (a) It sounds like a good sex life is important to you. (b) You know, I ’ ve never understood why people make such a song and dance about sex It ’ ßs always seemed over-rated to me. (c) Have you tried spending a bit more time in each other ’ s company ? (d) I can hear you expressing concern and anxiety about how you are getting on with your partner and that it seems you ’ re not as close as you used to be. (e) I can refer you to a sex therapist, if you would find this helpful. Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

23. Response 4b “ I’m worried about my relationship with my partner. We never have sex together anymore ” (b) You know, I ’ ve never understood why people make such a song and dance about sex It ’s always seemed over-rated to me . Says more about the counsellor's than the client's internal frame of reference. NON-EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

24. Response 4c “ I’m worried about my relationship with my partner. We never have sex together anymore ” (c) Have you tried spending a bit more time in each other ’ s company ? Evaluative and advice‑giving. NON-EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

25. Response 4d “ I’m worried about my relationship with my partner. We never have sex together anymore ” (d) I can hear you expressing concern and anxiety about how you are getting on with your partner and that it seems you ’re not as close as you used to be. Gets to the heart of the client's concerns and does not foreclose in the same way as the first response. HIGHLY EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?

26. Response 4e “ I’m worried about my relationship with my partner. We never have sex together anymore ” (e) I can refer you to a sex therapist, if you would find this helpful. Not much sense of caring from the counsellor. A sex therapist may be helpful, but at this stage the need is to talk the problem through. NON-EMPATHIC Highly Empathic ? Moderately Empathic ? Not at all Empathic ?