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SHARES
How A Daily Dose Of Racism
Transformed My Life
by HOSU LEE Jan 25, 20:55
During my first day at my new high school in suburban
Philadelphia, my homeroom teacher introduced me by
saying, ?We have an international student from South
Korea. Make sure to make him feel welcome!?
I nervously waved and sat in the middle of the
classroom. I heard a disgruntled whisper in the back, ?
Great, we?re going to have another Virginia Tech,? a
classmate said.
My initial shock at being compared to the Korean-
American shooter was quickly replaced by anger. Do I
speak out, or feign ignorance?

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My cowardly decision shaped how I dealt with racism for
the rest of my teenage years. I would look the other way
or laugh off any microaggression. I became immune to
the subtle, everyday racism around me and didn?t let it
bother me. Or so I thought.
Growing up in South Korea, one of the world?s most
homogeneous countries, I never had to deal with racism.
After moving to the U.S. as an exchange student, I lived
with a white host family and attended a Catholic high
school. In my small town, most residents? primary
interactions with Asians were in Chinese restaurants. I
stood out.
But I wanted to blend in. I started listening to Billy Joel
and became a fan of the TV show ?Lost.? I even ended
up reading the Twilight series. I played ?Halo? with my
friends and wore skater shoes. I cracked racist jokes
with my friends and threw myself into American culture. I
relished what I thought were true American ideals ?
independence and freedom of expression. To put it
simply, I loved being whitewashed.
Despite my efforts, I could not hide the fact that I was a
minority. I was always the token Asian friend in a group.
Most people saw my race before my personality. I
subconsciously felt it would have been better if I were
born white.
By my senior year of high school, I decided I would

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spend the rest of my life in the U.S. Without even
realizing it, I had grown to look down on Korea. I found
its conformity, lack of individuality and shallow focus on
material success repugnant. With this in mind, I went to
an American university.
I carried my initial prejudices with me to college. I didn?t
want to be a typical Asian who only spent time with my
ethnic group. But in the spur of a moment, I decided to
check out an Asian American student group freshman
year.
I felt comfortable with my newfound Korean and Korean
American friends. They understood and shared my
culture, food, and language. And they knew what it felt
like to be a minority. For once, I wasn?t the Asian in the
group. I was simply myself. I began to realize the love I
had for my heritage and came to terms with a hard truth.
I had rejected part of my identity as a defense
mechanism against racism.
Indeed, according to a 2015 study at Fordham
University, young adults will often distance themselves
from their racial identity ? a process called
disidentification ? when they are reminded of negative
aspects of their race. They feel the need to belong and
form social bonds with their peers.
I?m lucky to have found a community that taught me to
embrace both sides of my identity. But I hope those who

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are still subject to daily racism don?t desert who they are
simply because some racist classmate made them feel
like an outsider. And I hope that same classmate sees
how saying a simple remark like ?ching chang chong? in
the hallway can shape the character of another.
Cover photo: Creative Commons