Has over-parenting led to insecurity in young adults?

1. Has helicopter parenting caused
young adults to crash land?
April 9, 2015
A strange sort of co-dependence took hold of a generation of
parents and their children in the 1990s. This was the era when
parents became far too intrinsically embedded in each and every
activity of their offspring; monitoring, scheduling and protecting
their kids’ every move from birth till college.

2. The term “helicopter parenting” was coined to describe
overbearing, smothering parents that generated “bubble wrapped”
kids. With the best of intentions, these parents only sought to
protect their children from perceived harm. Much of this
trepidation concerning the safety of their children could be
attributed to sensationalized news stories that cause panic and fear
among the parent population.
Mothers are hardwired to be problem solvers and injury soothers,
but helicopter moms try to anticipate each and every possible
hurdle in the child’s life. Taking extreme preemptive measures to
ensure their children would not end up with a skinned knee or a
poor grade, moms surveyed every possible scenario to detect
potential dangers. Meanwhile, fathers got hyper-involved in the
kids’ sports teams, shouting and bellowing from the sidelines and
micro-managing and questioning a coach’s every move.
It would seem all this parental involvement did not net the desired
result, which is healthy, happy and secure adults. A study from the
University of Mary Washington and published in the Journal of
Child and Family Studies is among the first to delve into the
outcomes of over-parenting by zeroing in on the mental health of
young adults who were raised by helicopter parents.
The author of the study, Holly Schiffrin, sought to quantify the
psychological byproducts of helicopter parenting by going straight
to the objects of all that parental attention: the kids. She enlisted
297 U.S. undergraduates aged 18 to 23 to survey them on their
mothers’ parenting behaviors. The researchers decided to
concentrate on mothers because there was more data available on a
mother’s effects on children, although they plan to address the role
of fathers in future studies.
The results of the study showed that college-aged kids who
reported being helicopter-parented had higher levels of depression

3. and use of antidepressant medications. Researchers suggested that
these detrimental effects were caused by a sense that they are
incompetent and had less autonomy, a view fostered by being
micro-parented. In general, these students had a lower sense of
satisfaction with life.
“It was really not feeling autonomous and not feeling competent
that were associated with depression and lower life satisfaction,”
said Schiffrin. “We think when parents are over-involved with
their kids’ lives they are undermining their sense of competence,
both by sending a message that says, ‘I think you can’t do it
yourself,’ and robbing them of the opportunity to practice those
skills.”
A common pitfall among helicopter parents is failing to adjust their
behavior to the child’s increasing maturity, independence and
competency levels as they age. There are a few different thoughts
on why this happens. Some point out that by continuing to treat
children as if they were perpetually five years old, the parent can
deny their own aging process. Others attribute the inability to
detach and let go to a hyper-vigilant determination for their child
to not fail at anything, lest it be a poor reflection on themselves as
parents. Some say by focusing so much attention on their prodigy,
parents can fill the void in a lackluster marriage.
Both the Huffington Post and the Wall Street Journal have reported
parents accompanying their adult-aged offspring to job interviews,
and college admissions officials have reported parents attending
student-only events. No wonder the term “emerging adulthood”
was coined (in 2000 by psychologist Jeff Arnett) to describe the
extended adolescence that delays adulthood. It is no surprise that
kids are struggling to become fully adult when they haven’t been
allowed to acquire the life tools needed to become autonomous,
independent-thinking grown-ups.

4. The extreme parenting that pushes children to succeed can
backfire. Research has shown that anxiety-driven parenting tactics
not only compromise children’s sense of self and personal growth
and mastery, but can convey an underlying critical attitude. Parents
may praise their children when they meet their high expectations,
but punish them with the silent treatment or withdrawal of
affection if the child disappoints. The ever present threat of
parental criticism can have such deleterious effects on a child’s
sense of self-worth that, as children enter adulthood, they can be
crippled with an overwhelming fear of failure.
Sovereign Health’s boarding school for young men, White River
Academy, places an emphasis on character development in
adolescent males with behavioral issues, offering life skills classes
and community service-oriented programs to instill qualities that
lead to a productive and successful life post-recovery. For
questions about White River Academy, please call 866-300-0616.
Written by Eileen Spatz, Sovereign Health Group writer