NV. — 08. Forgiveness and reconcilation

Forgiveness
and reconciliation
Étienne Godinot
Translation : Claudia Mc Kenny Engström
28.04.2015

Forgiveness and reconciliation
Contents
- The desire of revenge : recognise it, confront it, forgive it.
- Characteristics of forgiveness
- Examples of forgiveness and reconciliation between people
- Examples of reconciliation between groups of people
- Data and quotations of forgiveness and reconciliation

The desire of revenge
Recognise it, confront it, forgive oneself for it…
The structure of this part is borrowed from
Robert Shohet, therapist, consultant and
coach. He lives at the Findhom Foundation in
Scotland where he organised in 1999 a
congress on Forgiveness.
According to a presentation given during the Forgiveness
Days, organised by Olivier and Annabelle Clerc and Alain
Michel, at the Val de Consolation meeting centre (Doubs),
1-4 November 2012.

1 - Revenge is generally born from a feeling of betrayal. It
is important to recognise this feeling.
2 - The person betrayed creates its own identity as
victim (“ the entire world is against me ”), akin the terrorist
who creates him/herself an identity on a culture of
oppression, of injustice.
3 - Like all human beings, the betrayed ones feels the
need to be right : “ It’s his/her fault ! ”
But really, faults aren’t always unilateral, and the “ line
between good and bad crosses the heart of all human
beings.” (Alexander Soljenitsyn)
Photos : Revenge in literature : Honoré de Balzac
Alexander Dumas

4. The betrayed person also feels humiliated and
shameful. Shame comes from a feeling of
powerlessness, revenge gives a feeling of power.
5. The betrayed person accuses, wants revenge,
because he/she struggles with sadness, loss,
recognising his/her sufferance.
6. The body, after a betrayal, is in shock, prints it,
engrams it. That is why forgiveness works on a person
as a whole (head, heart, guts).
Cinema : Vengeance one by one (1975). A doctor wants revenge over
the killing of his wife and daughter by Nazi soldiers.

7- The betrayed and wounded person is in projective
identification : “ I’ll show you how it feels ! ”.
The violated individual becomes the violator who wants to
see in the eyes of the victim the same fear as he/she felt.
8 - The desire of revenge is encouraged or exacerbated in
a procedural society (reproach, blame, complaint, trial)
and fear (asepsis, traceability : insurances for all acts of
life; fear of communism, immigration, Islam, etc.)

9 - Revenge becomes a sort of addiction, a
cerebral, intellectual drug. The thought of
the betrayal and the idea of revenge go
round and round, impossible to stop.
I host all my negativity in the desire of
revenge, my brain is polluted, my life is
polluted.
The thought of revenge is both the condition
and the initial phase of the act.

10 - Work on ourselves or introspection is the way out.
Listening to another person, preferably a professional, is
very helpful.
11 - Taking care of myself. Are my thoughts good for me ?
For the people around me ? For humanity ?
Am I ready to forgive myself for the damage I cause to
myself ?

The characteristics of forgiveness
The structure of this par is based on Jacques Lecomte’s
findings, doctor in psychology and francophone expert in
Positive psychology, lecturer at the University of Paris-
Ouest Nanterre.
On the basis of a presentation during the Forgiveness days (1-4
November 2012 in Val de Consolation, France).

Forgiving is not forgetting
Forgiving is not forgetting.
It’s impossible to forgive for something that isn’t
remembered. It is necessary to hold within our refusal
of the wounding act.
If 90% of those mistreated in their childhood treat
others well in adulthood, it is also because they
remember what they went through.
“ Far from erasing the past, forgiveness can modify it
and give it another meaning, revealing other futures
possible after the past. Forgiveness gives future a
memory.” Paul Ricoeur.
“ The project of forgiveness is to break the debt, not to
forget ” Olivier Abel

Forgiving : distinguishing a person from its act
Forgiving the other of an act, is to be conscious that
that act was inacceptable, but it also refusing to
assimilate the person to the act.
Crime is reprehensible, but the criminal is still a
person with dignity, qualities (visible or hidden) and
capable of transformation.
It is the same on a collective level: Nazism is
abominable, but the German people cannot be
assimilated to Nazism.

Forgiveness is not the justification of the author’s act
Forgiveness is not looking for excuses or extenuating
circumstances for the author of the act.
He was my aggressor, what he did is inacceptable,
whatever reasons pushed him to commit the act.
But of course, knowing about the aggressor’s
environment, his past, explains the act and can help
forgive him.

Forgiving is not a duty
I don’t forgive because I “must” forgive or because I
was told I “have to” forgive.
Forgiveness is always a choice of the person, done in
freedom, as result of a liberating process.
“ Forgiveness is not an obligation, it’s a gift ”. Paul
Ricoeur

Forgiveness is not reconciliation with the other
It is enough for the one offended to forgive the
offender for there to be forgiveness, even if the
offender doesn’t know about it, even if the offender
has been dead for a long time.
Reconciliation supposes an act between two people,
between two groups of people: the offender asks for
forgiveness and gets it from the offended party, or
the request can be mutual, but forgiveness is not
reconciliation.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, is a reconciliation
with myself.

Forgiveness is done on two levels
and has a double effect
Forgiveness intervenes on two levels :
- thought, will : it’s a decision, a choice, a change in attitude.
It requires courage and time.
- emotions : suppose and generate the disappearance of
sourness, resent.
Forgiveness has a double curative effect : it frees
consequences of the act both
- for the one who is forgiven, the guilty one
- for the one who forgives, the victim

Forgiveness is not reserved to believers
For the believer, desire and strength to forgive comes from
elsewhere. His faith, what his religion dictates and the
support of his community of faith can help him forgive.
But, even if the word is religiously charged, forgiveness does
not presuppose a faith or spirituality.
There is a secular forgiveness, non-confessional, it has an
auto-therapeutic effect.

Forgiveness implies refusing the desire for revenge
The one who forgives knows his/her desire for revenge, but
succeeds in overcoming it.
Revenge nurtures the memory and wound to inscribe
eternally a debt of hate. Forgiveness frees from a past that
cannot be surpassed.
But pardon can also be a sort of noble and unexpected
“revenge”, a response in goodness to an act of hate, a gift
that abounds in a logic of equivalence. The need for
revenge can be sublimated by fighting against
discrimination, hate, violence.

Forgiveness implies the decrease
and then absence of resent
Forgiveness is an antibiotic that allows bacteria resent,
hate, bitterness, judgement… all those feelings that spoil
our lives, to be cancelled.
Forgiveness has a curative value, not only for the one
forgiven but also for the victim who forgives.
Many are only cured from mental or psychic disorders
after having forgiven or been forgiven. Some are only
ready to die after forgiveness was given or received.

Forgiveness implies empathy for the author of the act
The person who forgives
not only frees him/herself from hate towards the author of
the hurtful act,
but also acquires empathy, even love, for the author.

Examples of forgiveness and reconciliation
between people
• Maïti Girtanner and her torturer
• Larry Trapp and the Weissers
• Kim Phuc the Vietnamese
• Reconciliation with one’s parents
• Reconciliation after medical error
• Tim Guénard
• Roger MacGowen in death row
• The Forgiveness Project
• The Palestinian Izzeldin Abuelaïsh
• The Tibetan Pälden Gyatso

Maïti Girtanner and her torturer
Maïti Girtanner (1922-2014), resisted during the war, and was
tortured by young SS Doctor Leo, who destroyed her nervous
system. In hospital for 8 years, she will never play the piano
again and suffered incessant pain. During 40 years, she
prayed for her torturer.
In 1984, she received a telephone call. Leo, dying, asked her
if they could meet. “ As I was leaving, he was standing, at the
end of my bed. In an inrepressible gesture, I embraced him to
drop him in the heart of God. And he murmured : “ Forgive
me ! ” . On his way home, he told his family what he had done
during the war.
Later, Maïti says: “Forgiving him liberated me, soothed me”.

Larry Trapp and the Weissers
Lawrence Roger Trapp, fanatic anti-Black, anti-Jew,
anti-Asian activist, was the Grand Dragon of the Ku
Klux Klan in Nebraska, and had fomented to destroy
the synagogue et Lincoln city. he had harassed on
the phone a Jewish couple, Michael and Julie
Weisser, who answered him without hate or anger,
appealing to his conscience.
Seeing death linger after a kidney disease, Larry
Trapp called the Weissers from his wheel chair and
told them: “ I want to get out of this, but I don’t know
how ! ”. They informed their friends, went over to his
shack, gave him the ring of fraternity, and stayed
with him three hours.

Larry Trapp and the Weissers
Larry asked them, as they were leaving, to take away all
KKK signs, as well as Nazi flags.
The couple arrange for a medicalised room to be installed
in their house, and let Larry stay with them. He then asks all
those he harassed to forgive him, and becomes a civil
rights activists.
Julie Weisser quits her job as a nurse and takes care of
Larry until his death.
Larry converts to Judaism in the synagogue he wanted to
burn down. He dies on 6th September 1992 and is buried in
the Jewish cemetary.
Photo : - Michael Weisser
- Larry Trapp’s grave

Kim Phuc the Vietnamese
Kim Phuc is nine in 1972 when her village is bombed. Burnt
by napalm, she is in pain and screams. The picture taken by
a journalist helps end the war. Baptised 10 years later, she
engages in a dynamic of forgiveness. She now lives in
Canada with her husband and children.
Before Vietnam veterans in Washington, she explains that if
she were to stand in front of the pilot who dropped the bomb,
she would tell him “ we cannot change history, but we can do
our best to promote peace ”. John Plummer, one of those
who ordered the bombing, was among them. She opened her
arms to him and said: “ I chose reconciliation, and my life
changes. I stopped being a victim ”.

Reconciliation with parents
“ Reconciliation with parents was, for centuries, fear and
submission.
To start expressing your anger towards your parents, write
freely everything you need to tell them. Leave the
“package” in your shrink’s practice and express towards
your parents the emotion they will be able to handle.
The simple presence of a non-judgemental third party
facilitates mutual listening. No judgement, each one
listens to the other and will be invited to reformulate what
was heard. I saw in my practice fantastic parents. They
walked in rigid, terrified, angry, distant. They walked out
calmed, listening, warm and loving ”.
Isabelle Filliozat, therapist

Forgiving after a medical error
In 1993, Bénédicte Delbrel dies of Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, like
116 other children treated with contaminated growth hormone. After
17 years of investigation and a 4 month long trial, 6 accused,
doctors and pharmacists, are released in January 2009. Her
parents, Francine and Jean-Guy Delbrel, feel abandoned by Justice
and cannot forgive.
Only one of the accused out of the 6 was human, went to see the
children in agony and their families : Henri Cerceau, Director of the
Central Pharmacy of Paris Hospitals from 1981 to 1991, and who
had committed no fault in this tragedy. The Delbrels will meet with
him at the Sénanque monastery during 4 days.
Photo : Henri Cerceau, documentary on this theme

Tim Guénard
Abandoned by his mother at the age of 3, Tim Guénard is raised
by a violent and alcoholic father. At the age of 5, he is
hospitalised after having been abused by his father and lies in a
coma for 2 and a half years. He then goes from psychiatric
hospital to foster family or detention centres before running away
to Paris at the age of 13. The hate he feels towards his father
and desire for revenge bring him to fighting sports: he becomes a
boxer.
His encounter with Father Thomas Philippe, members of the
Arch or Mother Teresa, help him gain confidence in others and
himself. He gets married, has four children and becomes a
beekeeper. In his house, in South-West France, he welcomes
handicapped people, tells his story in prisons, churches and
schools.

Roger Mac Gowen in death row
Born in 1963, Afro-American. At the age of 22, to protect his
elder brother, he lets himself be accused of a murder he
didn’t commit. His trial is full of serious legal mistakes. He is
sentenced to death in 1987, a sentence suspended thanks to
appeals. For 23 years, he sat in death row in Texas, in the
prison of Livingston.
An international committee supports him and pays for a very
good layer. He holds on despite hard living conditions thanks
to an unbreakable willpower, intense spirituality and deep
faith. His call for forgiveness and gratitude is heard by
thousands of people around the world.

Interreligious reconciliation in Nigeria
In May 1992, on a property issue, riots explode between
Christians and Muslims in Zango-Kataf. Minister James Wuye
loses his right hand. Imam Muhammad Ashafa witnesses the
death of two cousins and spiritual father. Each one nourishes the
same obsession: revenge. “For months, I looked for James
everywhere, remembers Mr. Ashafa, I wanted to kill him”.
Three years later, they are introduced by a common
acquaintance. They talk. And on each side, an interior revolution
takes place. Hate is slowly replaced by tolerance, and later
complicity. The two friends lead today another fight: stop the
violence between Christians and Muslims that regularly set fire to
the north of Nigeria.
6th November 2009 in Paris : they were awarded the Fondation Chirac Prize for
Conflict prevention.

The Forgiveness Project
This British association founded by Marina Cantacuzino
gathers and publishes the testimonies of criminals who have
asked for forgiveness, and of victims who have forgiven.
Its goal is to invite people to envisage alternatives to
revenge, hate and violence.
The association fosters a repairing justice program in prison,
raises awareness in schools on nonviolence of conflicts,
mediatises its testimonies and organises events and training
programs.
Photo above : Marina Cantacuzino

The Palestinian Izzeldin Abuelaïsh
This gynaecologist graduated from Harvard University, lives in
Toronto. He speaks Hebrew and is the first Palestinian doctor
to work in an Israeli hospital.
In 2009, three of his daughters and his niece are killed in Gaza
by Israeli bomb during the Cast Lead Operation. Refusing to
fall into hatred, he chooses to continue, in the name of his
daughters, his fight for peace and creates the Foundation
Daughters for Life that promotes girls’ education in the Middle
East.
“ We are Siamese brothers. All violence done to one touches
the other. I am against all types of violence, wherever it comes
from, whoever it is done by, Israeli soldiers and settlers or
Palestinians. Because violence never brings to Justice ”.

Päldèn Gyatso the Tibetan
Born in 1933, Tibetan Buddhist Monk. In 1959, he participates in
the uprising against Chinese invasion. Tortured, he is sentenced
to 7 years imprisonment. He escapes, is caught, sentenced to
another 8 years. Freed in 1976, he is forced to labour in Chinese
camp. He alerts his fellow citizens of what goes on in Chinese
prisons. He is again imprisoned, tortured with electroshock. He
spends in total 33 years in prison and camps. After his liberation
in 1992, he leaves Tibet for Dharamsala, in Northern India, where
Tibetan administration in exile has its head quarters.
“ Deep inside me, I feel no resentment for the Chinese. All that is
in the past. I forgive those who tortured me. Nonviolence in
important, hate is the contrary of Buddha. hate brings you
nothing, neither to me nor to others. It is my duty and the duty of
all Tibetans to find the dialogue and pacific solution ”.

Examples of forgiveness and reconciliation
between groups
• Franco-German reconciliation
• Algerian war Veterans against the war
• Reconciliation between Albanians and Kosovars
• Reconciliation in New Caledonia
• The centres founded by Marguerite Barankitsé
• Black and White reconciliation in South Africa
• Rabbis and Imams for peace
• Reconciliation between Palestinians and Israelis

Franco-German reconciliation
Franco-German reconciliation is a model of transformation in
former enemies’ relations. Representatives commemorate
the past by calming its initial meaning (enemies’ hereditary
confrontation) and integrating to it a new meaning (the
tearing apart of brother people).
For François Mitterrand, it is “because they have suffered
one for the other ” that nations “ should tell others the
importance of building a new world ”. It is because “ they
have weighed on history ” that these two people are deemed
worthy of “ bringing a little wisdom to the world ”.
Images : - Konrad Adenauer and Charles de Gaulle, 1962
- François Mitterrand and Helmut Kohl, 1984

Franco-German reconciliation
Among the actors of the Franco-German reconciliation
(and the creation of a Europe of Peoples), are also
initiatives and organisations such as :
- The Office Franco-Allemand de la Jeunesse (Franco-
German Youth Office)
- The World Federation of Twin cities
- the European program Erasmus for student
exchanges in Europe

Algerian war Veterans against the war
In January 204, four peasants from the Tarn and Aveyron
(France), Algerian war veterans, as time had come for them
to benefit from their veteran pension, decided to refuse it
for themselves and rather donate it for peace actions.
They created the Association des Anciens Appelés en
Algérie et leurs Ami(e)s contre la Guerre (Association for
Algerian war veterans and of friends against war, or
4ACG).
They declared: “ At the time, we said nothing. We lacked
the courage to scream out our disagreement to the world
(…). What we saw and lived in Algeria, the utter
uselessness of the conflict, witnessing the horror of war,
the desire to transmit this memory to younger generations
feeds this initiative ”.

Algerian war Veterans against the war
Today, they are over 300 financing actions in Algeria (Tazla,
Mostaganem, Boumerdès, Tizi-Ouzou, Constantine), in Palestine (Gaza,
Hebron, Jordan valley, Kalandia), Morocco : agricultural development
projects, microenterprise support, education and training projects led by
their own beneficiaries.
Beyond those concrete actions, 4ACG gave itself as objective
- to promote peace and reconciliation between Algerian and French
people,
- and nonviolent resolution of conflicts.

Reconciliation between Albanians and Kosovars
When Albania and Kosovo got their freedom back, they
gathered the strength to resist ancient Kanun rule, which
dictates revenge, haunted minds and made many victims.
Anton Cetta, Kosovar ethnologist, animated a process of
reconciliation between families and clans. The first phase
consists in discussing separately with each family in
conflict. Official reconciliation, second phase, is done
before witnesses.
On 1st May 1950, 500 000 Albanians* gathered in a place
later called the valley of reconciliation near Deçani.
* from Kosovo, Macedonia, Montenegro and South Serbia.

Reconciliation between Albanians and Kosovars
The toughest of men cry together of joy, finally free in their
movements and activities.
This great reconciliation contributed to restore the moral and
dynamism of both Albanian Kosovars (9/10th of the 2 million
people) oppressed by Serbian power and victims of a true
apartheid.
It generated mutual help initiatives between fired workers,
and help people forgive policemen for their acts of violence.
It finally gives a new dynamic for parallel participation in
school, health or social organisations.
Photo : Anton Cetta and Ibrahim Rugova

Reconciliation in New Caledonia
In May 1989, Kanak Djubelli Wea shoots down Kanak
separatist party (FLNKS) president Jean Marie Djibaou and
his vice president Yiewéné Yiewéné before being killed by
Kanak police officer Daniel Fisdiépas.
Two years after the tragedy, Manaki Wea, Djubelli’s widow,
expresses her desire to enter in forgiveness and reconciliation.
Women accept reconciliation, so long as all children also
accept this initiative. Ministers and priests organize meetings
between themselves.
300 people from a tribe get on boat and plane to meet with
another tribe, who greets them and cooks for 600.
Photo below : Kanak flag

Reconciliation between Kanaks in New Caledonia
After 14 years, with time and gatherings, customary
ceremonies, gifts, spoken words of forgiveness, the wounds
heal.
In June 2005 on the Larzac plateau (France), the widows of
the two assassinated leaders and several of their children,
the widow of the assassin, the policemen who killed him,
come together from New Caledonia, as friends,
demonstrating their reconciliation.
Photo : Kanaky memorial in the Larzac

The Marguerite Barankitse centres
On 25th October 1993, during the civil war in Burundi
(300 000 dead), this Tutsi woman gave shelter to 25 Tutsi
and Hutu children in Ruyigi Church school. 72 people were
massacred by Hutus in front of her, tied up naked to a post.
In May 1994, she opened the Shalom House in a school, a
home for Ruyigi children. She later opens 130 Angels Homes
(children centres, hospitals and hospices, etc.) for women,
children, orphans, and AIDS victims from all ethnic groups in
Burundi, Rwanda and Congo. These homes welcome 20 000
people.

Black-White reconciliation in South Africa
The Truth and Reconciliation Commission, created in 1993
and presided by Archbishop Desmond Tutu, had as one
mission to take inventory of all those victim of human rights
violations during the Apartheid, since the Sharpeville
massacre in 1960, in order to support national reconciliation
between authors of this violence and their victims.
Advocating for national reconciliation, Nelson Mandela met
with Henrick Verwoed’s widow, he who had been architect of
the apartheid. Nelson Mandela invited the white judge who
sentenced him to prison for tea. He encouraged Black South
Africans to support Springboks rugby team during the World
Cup which took place in South Africa in 1995.
Photos : - Desmond Tutu
- The film Invictus (2009)

Black-White reconciliation in South Africa
Amnesty was granted on two conditions : not omit anything
about the crimes and offences in depositions; having acted
under order of the hierarchy in the belief of serving a “political
objective” (the so-called protection of the white race, for
instance).
The South African commission did not judge, it amnestied acts
or not, but not individuals, with relative parsimony : out of 7 116
requests for amnesty, 1 312 were granted, 5 143 rejected.
The idea rested on three principles : truth (about crimes),
reconciliation (amnesty) and repair (State repair of caused
damages). The third dimension was, unfortunately, not fulfilled,
thus weakening the whole process. Nonetheless, this
experience opened the door to another mode of Justice.
Photo : Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu

Rabbis and Imams for peace
The Foundation Hommes de Parole created by Alain Michel
gives itself for objective to renew the dialogue between men
and thus act directly on the causes of a conflict. It brings
together those who cannot meet in traditional contexts and
gives them the opportunity to meet each other, discover their
similarities, common needs, find solutions to their differences,
build and act together.
- Reunion in Caux (Switzerland), June 2003
- Brussels Congress (Belgium), January 2005
- Seville Congress (Spain), March 2006
- Paris Congress (UNESCO), December 2008
Photos : - Alain Michel,
- Seville congress

Rabbis and Imams for peace
During the Brussels Congress in January 2005, after a
minute of silence in memory of the tsunami victims, a
Hebrew canticle was followed by one in Arabic. 170 Imams
and Rabbis held hands, calling for truth and self-criticism.
They prayed together at the Great Mosque and Brussels
Synagogue.
The next congress will took place in Bangalore (India) in
2013, on invitation of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.
“ We do not fight because we are Jews, Christians or
Muslims, we fight because we are more than that ”.
Photo below : Bruxels congress

Parents Circle - Families Forum
between Palestinians and Israelis
In July 1994, Arik Frankenthal, young soldier of 19 in the Israeli
army, was captured and killed by Hamas. His father Yitzhak
Frankenthal, wealthy businessman, understands that
Palestinian violence is the result of Israeli occupation in
Palestine. He sells his business and created in 1995 the
Parents Circle - Families Forum. This association of grieving
parents, Palestinians and Israelis, works for reconciliation of
the two people, and counts today more than 500 families.
Members gather to dialogue, give conferences, involve
themselves in projects promoting dialogue and
reconciliation.
Photo : Yitzhak Frankenthal

Rami Elhanan and Ghazi Briegeith
Rami Elhanan : Israeli, graphic designer in Jerusalem. In 1997,
his daughter Smadar dies in a Palestinian suicide bomb. Him
and his wife understand that this attack is the result of the
occupation, and decide to forgive, and become members of the
Parents Circle association. In September 2010, they are part of
the crew on board the catamaran Irene that denounces the
Gaza maritime blockade.
Ghazi Briegeith : Palestinian electrician living in Hebron. His
brother is killed in 2000 by a young Israeli soldier at a border
control. He joins Parents Circle. “We don’t need to love each
other to build a bridge between the two nations : we need
respect”, he says.
Both are members of the Forgiveness Projects.

Figures and quotations
on forgiveness and reconciliation
“ Forgiveness does not concern events whose trace should
be protected, but rather on the debt whose charge paralyses
memory, and, by extension, the capacity to protect oneself in
a creative manner in the future.
What forgiveness adds to the work on memory and grief, is
its generosity.
Forgiveness is first what is asked to another, first of all the
victim. Forgiveness is asked for, not granted automatically.
The important is to erase the debt, not to forget ”.
Paul Ricoeur (photo) Forgiveness that can heal ?
“ God always forgives; men, sometimes; nature, never ! ”
Pope Francis to Nicolas Hulot

Reconciliation in Sumerian civilization
In Sumerian civilization, the oldest to the world (-6 000 to
-1750 B.C; writings circa – 3500 B.C), the word “sickness”
doesn’t exist : the word “being in darkness” is used in its
place.
The 3 criteria of health are:
- Knowing how to forgive,
- Knowing how to say thank you,
- Being happy.
The annual ritual of repentance and grand forgiveness lasts
for one week. Jealousy, sadness, desire for revenge and
hate are transferred on substitute objects that are thrown in
the fire.
Photos : - Gudea, King of Lagash, builder, poet, therapist
- Marguerite Kardos, Sumerian and eastern civilisations specialist.

Religions and wisdom
of forgiveness and reconciliation
Lao Tse, founder of Taoism : “I treat with kindness those
who are kind. I treat with kindness those who are not. And
thus wins kindness ”.
In Buddhism, if we react with hate or violence to a crime and
sufferance, we tie and reinforce the negative karmic links
that will only increase, both for us and the guilty one,
dragging us down to inferior rebirths.
Socrates : “ One should therefore never answer to an
injustice nor harm another Man, whatever he or she might
have done to us ”.
Photos : - Lao Tse
- Socrates

Forgiveness and reconciliation in Judaism
The most important Jewish celebrations is the Great
Pardon, the Yom Kippur, or day of redemption.
The specificity of forgiveness in Judaism is that it is not a
state of grace, but an answer to man’s call.
That is why it is sequenced in three moments :
- comprehension of one’s fault,
- will to transform one’s action,
- real behavioural transformation.
“ Yom Kippur acquits men of their sins before God, but
not of the sins towards others, unless forgiveness was
granted by the offended.”
Mishna Yoma 8:9

Forgiveness and reconciliation in Christianity
Jesus of Nazareth was very clear: “ When you present your
offering at the altar, if you remember your brother holds
something against you, leave your offering, go ask forgiveness
to that brother, then come back, and present your offering” or
“Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you ”.
To Peter’s question, he answers it isn’t enough to forgive 7
times, but “70 times 7 times”, in other words, infinitely.
On the cross, he says “Father, forgive them, for they do not
know what they are doing”.
The parable of the Prodigal Son or the loving father is the one
that abrogates most clearly all other parables presenting a
justice God.
Photos : - Jesus by Rouault
- The loving father forgives his son, by Rembrandt.

Forgiveness and reconciliation in Islam
“ May they forgive and absolve! Don’t you like it when God
forgives you ? And God is forgiving and merciful ! ”
(Koran, 24:22)
“…But if you forgive (them), look beyond (their) faults and
forgive (them), know that God is forgiving, very merciful ”
(Koran, 64:14)
“ And the one who endures and forgives, that is truth, is part of
good dispositions and case resolution” (Koran, 42:43).
For that reason, believers are forgiving compassionate and
tolerant people, “who dominate their rage and forgive others”
(Koran 42:43).
Photos : - The Koran
- Calligraphy of al hilm (indulgence)

Forgiveness and reconciliation in Bahaism
“ The virtues who follow dignity (Man’s) are tolerance, mercy,
compassion and kindness towards all people and tribes on
Earth ”.
“ What he does not desire for himself, he should not wish for
others, and he shall never promise what he cannot hold. He
shall forgive the sinner and never despise his miserable
condition, for no one knows how even he will be like in the
end ”.
Photos :
- Siyyid Ali Muhammad Shirazi, or Bab (« The Door ») (1819-1850),
precursor of Bahaism
- Mirza Husayn Ali Nuri, or Baba’u’llah (1817-1892), founder of Bahai religion

Forgiveness and health
Many studies show that those who can forgive are in
better physical and mental health than others.
Psychological and physical symptoms such as back
pains, insomnias, abdominal pains, mental illnesses,
depression, are significantly reduced for those who
forgive.
“ There is a psychology of forgiveness. When you don’t
forgive, you are worried ” (Dr Herbert Benson, after a
survey on 1500 individuals)
Photo : Van Gogh, At Eternity’s Gate (1890)

Healing the Heart
According to Olivier Clerc, personal development coach,
something unpleasant (ex. : someone tightly overtakes me)
generates an emotion. This emotion is interpreted (“What
an idiot, probably a dealer ! ”) and reinforced by this mental
interpretation.
To evacuate anger and fear, and in order not to fall into
revenge, the aim is to find interior freedom and free my
mental from its submission to emotion, by imposing on
myself to look for another interpretation, even if that is less
plausible (ex. : “His wife might be giving birth in the back
seat ”).
Photos : Olivier Clerc

From the individual to the collective
Individual cumulated resents generate a “ black cloud ”, a
collective negative energy (desire for revenge, designation,
scapegoats, nationalism, fighting, etc.), incarnated in and out
of control between the fragile and wounded ones (ex. Hitler).
On the contrary, positive feelings (empathy, benediction of
the other through thought, eyes and heart) feed a “ positive
cloud ” whose energy is incarnated in and deploys throughout
those looking for humanity (ex. Gandhi, Mandela).
• Instead of wanting to understand immediately what is going
on, the conviction that life as meaning (or faith in life) invites
us to accept, thank and understand (ATU).

The Toltec agreements
according to Miguel Angel Ruiz
1 - Be impeccable with your word. Do not use it against
others.
2 - Don't take anything personally. You are not the
cause of others’ acts.
3 - Don't make assumptions. Have the courage to ask
questions and express your true desires. Communicate
clearly in order to avoid misunderstandings.
4 - Always do your best. Avoid judging yourself, feeling
guilty and having regrets.
5 - Be sceptical but learn to listen. Listen to the
intentions below words.

Nonviolence and forgiveness
“ Forgiving is wanting peace with others and myself. But for
just relations to be efficient, the offender must take his
responsibility (…).
To regain confidence in the future, victims must be allowed to
express their suffering and obtain justice. It is indispensable
to judge at least those who carry the responsibility of
characterised crime. Claiming general impunity would not
allow wounds to heal (…).
Collective hate is what needs to be turned off, and only then
can forgiveness happen. Pardon then appears as a crucial
political moment ”.
Photo : Jean-Marie Muller and his Dictionary of nonviolence.

Nonviolent struggle and reconciliation
“ Nonviolent resolution of conflicts leaves the possibility
open for people to be reconciled, on the long term. At least,
it helps to avoid exclusion and prepares the future. But what
it wants to obtain is justice, all justice and nothing else but
justice (…).
We can expect a struggle for justice to allow reconciliation,
but not that will definitely reach it (…).
Reconciliation is a long process of healing from both sides
of a conflict ”.
Jean-Marie Muller
Photos : - The Salt March initiated by Gandhi
- Montgomery bus boycott organised by Martin Luther King.

Reading
“ The forgiveness with which I wish to end the conflict, I write down its
perspective from the start (…). But for this encounter to continue in truth
and respect, it is fundamental the other does not lie on what he is and
what he has done. I have the obligation to not be naïve, to check what he
says and interrupt the relation when I see it is no longer in truth. Justice
in necessary for forgiveness ”. Jacques Sommet ■

NV. — 08. Forgiveness and reconcilation

Recomendados

Recomendados

Mais conteúdo relacionado

Mais procurados

Mais procurados (20)

Semelhante a NV. — 08. Forgiveness and reconcilation

Semelhante a NV. — 08. Forgiveness and reconcilation (20)

Mais de Institut de recherche sur la Résolution Non-violente des Conflits

Mais de Institut de recherche sur la Résolution Non-violente des Conflits (20)

Último

Último (20)

NV. — 08. Forgiveness and reconcilation