Dv VS DV Revised

DOMESTIC VIOENCE VERSUS DIVORCE:A COMPARISONOF CHILDREN’S OUTCOMES
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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VERSUS DIVORCE: A COMPARISON OF CHILDREN’S OUTCOMES
Cherie Wright
Liberty University
November 30, 2015

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VERSUS DIVORCE 2
ABSTRACT
Marriage is losing value and meaning in American society as more couples cohabitate rather than
marry, and more than half of couples who marry divorce. In an attempt to preserve marriage, and
by extension the family, researchers are saturating our social conscience with statistics and
information that highlights how damaging divorce is for children. In their well justified efforts to
preserve the fabric of our society, pro-family, pro-marriage organizations and activists make
sweeping statements and fear inducing presentations about the negative effects of divorce to
children that marginalize the role that issues such as violence, abuse, personality disorder and
psychiatric disorder of one or more individuals in the home play in precipitating divorce, or the
negative impacts on children living in such conditions within a marriage. Though there is a
substantial amount of research being both conducted and presented concerning the effects of
divorce on children, and there is growing amounts of research as to the effects of domestic
violence on children, there exists a paucity of research or information regarding the effects of
divorce on children when such becomes a means of ending patterns of violence in a marriage.
Few would argue that the family sacred. However, it is the experience of numerous women and
children in the United States and around the globe that though the family is the foundation of
society, and thereby scared, it is not always place of safety, but of danger and dread for some.
Compounding the complex issues faced by victims of violence, is the social and political
pressure to remain in a violent home because of ideology that suggests divorce is more damaging
than violence.

Divorce Versus Domestic Violence: A Comparison of Children’s Outcomes
Introduction
Many opponents of divorce tout therapy and other interventions as a means of mitigating
problematic marriages and protecting children. However, for the typical victim of violence
divorce is not a first option, but a last resort. The issues faced by victims of violence in a
marriage are complex and cannot be addressed effectively by strategies that work for non-
abusive situations. All too often, victims of violence are trapped in their marriages by social
pressures that cause them to believe divorce will be worse for the children than exposure to even
the most egregious acts of violence (Bancroft 2005). Nowhere is this felt more acutely than for
the victim of violence who holds firmly to religious beliefs. Religious communities play a role in
engendering a man’s “right” to beat his wife and children (Nasen-Clark), a belief that in most
religious communities still goes largely unchallenged. The shame and social stigma within the
religious community keeps the victim and her children suffering in silence.
Emerging information over the past ten to fifteen years suggests that domestic violence is
shockingly common, yet rarely discussed the context of its potential to be a contributing factor to
the high divorce rates. As many as one in six women in the U.S. and Canada experience violent
acts at the hands of their husbands, with as many as one in four globally experiencing the same
(Nasen-Clark). “Statistically speaking, it is far more dangerous to go home than to walk the city
streets alone at night”, Nasen-Clark writes in her series of ground-breaking books on the subject
of Christian responses to the issues of domestic violence. The prevalence of domestic violence

suggests that there must, at some point, be a correlation between the high rates of violence within
marriage and the high rates at which marriages break up.
The Effects of Divorce on Children
Research on the subject of the impact of divorce on children yields copious amounts of
studies, articles and resources all making claims concerning the negative effects of divorce on
children. Those effects are typically in the area of social adjustment, academic performance,
behavior, emotional and psychological functioning, physical health, socioeconomic status and
outcomes in adulthood (Demo & Supple). The prevailing belief is that children whose parents
divorce suffer socially, emotionally, psychologically, economically and that this downward
trajectory continues in perpetuity over the entire course of their lives. For a statistically
significant number of children that may be true. Demo & Supple found in their studies of the
effects of divorce on children that there was a wide variety of responses from children to the
divorce and re-marriage of their parents. These researchers found that children’s ability to adjust
post-divorce varied along a continuum with some children exhibiting higher scores on social and
emotional measures than their peers in intact first marriages (Demo. & Supple). This suggests the
possibility that divorce in some situations can improve a child’s outcomes. It also raises the
question of how a “bad”, i.e., violent, marriage impacts a child’s development. Is a bad marriage
good for a child?
Those who argue to preserve marriage at all costs often cite social and financial
challenges as a reason to avoid divorce altogether, the idea being that the financial stability of the
family is so import for children that it outweighs all other concerns. What is not being considered

is whether having financial stability is worth the cost of a child’s sense of safety and peace of
mind. Children are affected by their parents’ relationship with one another. This effect is acute
where patterns of domination and abuse of one parent by the other is present (Bancroft 2003,
2005). One commenter in a New York Times debate on divorce reform expressed the following:
“I don’t know what the ‘right’ answer is, but I am one who stays in a toxic, unhealthy marriage
because I can’t bear the thought of my spouse having 50% custody with the kids and emotionally
abusing them without my ability to intervene and protect them on a daily basis…”
Another commenter writes: “My ten year old nephew stood on a chair and said ‘I can’t take it
anymore!’, he had had enough of his father’s violence toward his mother, his older brother and
himself. It took my sister 26 years to work up the courage to divorce her husband. She did it
FOR her children…to PROTECT them…” (New York Times, 2/13/2013, original emphasis).
These commenters’ experiences represent those of countless victims of violence, most of which
are not reflected in research or social and political activist groups.
The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children
Domestic violence is a rampant issue in modern society and across the globe. However,
for its prevalence, it is an area that profoundly lacks research and resources. Across the board,
courts, churches, lobbyists, and researchers are largely unaware of the prevalence and dynamics
of domestic violence. Yet the information available suggests that domestic violence precipitates
a similar pattern of negative affects to those of divorce, but some research reveals the effects are
much more pervasive, lingering, and severe. Chemtob & Carlson found in their studies that
children in violent homes exhibited high rates of PTSD (Chemtob & Carlson 2004).

Additionally, Tsavoussis, found in a study of children’s brain development that exposure to
violence in the home, especially where PTSD results from the exposure, can change a child’s
brain development to the point that the child’s personality can become permanently altered by
the experience (Tavoussis, et. Al. 2014). Tsavoussis’ findings establish as scientific fact what
Bancroft and Nasen-Clark refer to in their works as “the generational cycle of violence”
(Bancroft 2003, Nasen-Clark 1997). Children who grow up experiencing or witnessing repeated
acts of violence are quite literally bred to become abusers or victims of abuse later in life. For
those children acts of violence can include physical assault, sexual assault, verbal abuse,
emotional abuse of their mother and/or siblings, exposure to pornography, prostitution, incest,
illegal substances, criminal acts, psychopathic behavior, and personality disorders, to name a few
(Bancroft 2003). In many cases, divorce is the only way to effectively remove a child from such
a setting. And typically, it is the victim who is fleeing the relationship with her children in hopes
of finding safety and sanity.
As a general rule abusiveness in an intractable personality trait, and is itself the product
of generations of social conditioning (Nasen-Clark, 1997). Abusive individuals are mostly male
and most acts of violence are the result of a male using physical violence, emotional, verbal or
psychological brutality within an intimate relationship to dominate and control a female partner
(Nasen-Clark 1997). Male abusers do not respond well to typical interventions. Services such as
counseling, social or religious accountability, and mediation tend to exacerbate the problem
(Bancroft 2003). Abusive men tend to be charming, maintaining a flawless public image and a
dual life in what mental health professionals working with such men and their victims call
“Jekyll/Hyde” syndrome. In a 2015 interview with Dr. Jennifer Alvaro, Director of Arlington
County Family Services Domestic Violence Department, Dr. Alvaro expounds, “In my 22 years

of practice as Domestic Violence Specialist one thing I see a lot of is victims who come to me
after their religious community sent them to marriage counseling…this is the absolute worst
thing to do. It’s like sending a person to an eye doctor for treatment of a problem with the bones
of their feet”. Bancroft explains in detail in his book series on helping the battered woman that
abusive men are often adept at using marriage counseling, mediation and other such services to
extend his control over his wife and the service providers are almost always unaware of his
motives or manipulation (Bancroft 2003). For these reasons divorce is often the only choice left
available to a spouse who wishes for a safe, sane life for herself and her children.
Comparing the Outcomes
Whether the issue is the end of the marriage or ongoing violence in the marriage, there
are, at least at the outset, some significant negative impacts. However, research on divorce is
generally undertaken with the perceptual bias that the divorce “event” is somehow the single
most damaging force in a child’ life. Studies conducted by Demo & Supple indicate that 1-
divorce is a process not and event, and 2- conventional research does not take into account the
often drawn out process of discord, estrangement, anger, and separation that usually precede a
divorce (Demo & Supple). Divorces do not happen overnight. Children often have to live with
the stressors of their parents’ deteriorating relationship long before a legal divorce takes place.
That long period of turmoil can have a negative impact on children, but when that pre-divorce
turmoil takes the form a violent family life, the end of the marriage though difficult brings peace
to the strife-ridden household by removing the perpetrator of violence. Demo points out in his
research, “cross-cultural studies that investigate the potentially positive effects of divorce finds
that divorce can increase self-confidence, self-efficacy, well-being and relief from a bad

marriage” (Demo & Supple 2014). Larsen points out in her editorial on divorce reforms, “We
don’t do our children any favors by being martyrs and staying in dysfunctional toxic marriages”
(New York Times 2/13/2013). And she’s right. What that stance does do however, is
demonstrate to our children that abuse must be tolerated, that violence is an acceptable way to
accomplish one’s relationship goals, and extremely poor gender role modeling accompanies this
dynamic in terms of who is allowed to be violent, and who must tolerate violence. Supporters of
divorce reform, as seen in Willet’s discourse on the subject calls for legislation that places wait
times and other deterrents to filing for divorce. She asserts that her proposed Parental Divorce
Reduction Act makes provisions for domestic violence. Sadly, the language is so vague a savvy
abuser can utilize the fundamental aspects of the Act to keep his victim and children indefinitely
locked in a legal strangle hold (New York Times 2/13/2013). Since most abusers do not want a
divorce (Bancroft 2003), but rather are intensely driven to keep control of their spouse at all
costs, legislation that restricts parents from divorcing basically provides a legal framework that
seals victims of violence in a marriage with a spouse that is neither safe, nor a good parent.
Conclusion
Over the past twenty years there has been a movement of victims of violence coming forward to
break the silence about the problem of domestic violence. Even so, it is still largely an invisible
epidemic. Statistically speaking, everyone in this country knows someone who has been or is still
a victim of domestic violence, though few are willing or able to admit this fact. The issues facing
victims of violence are too complex to be effectively mitigated by sweeping initiatives or mass
legal reforms. More research is needed to fully understand the dynamics of domestic violence.
Better methodologies must be developed so that research can be more accurate and effective.

Current social attitudes about violence and divorce are based on very limited information, this
must change if we are to bring peace to the victims and their children. Churches in particular are
poised to be agents change and healing in this arena, but they must first acknowledge the need
for their involvement. As one respondent in Nasen-Clark’s study of domestic violence in the
Church so aptly put it, “Satan is tearing apart the family and if men…[were] living the way God
has designed them to live there wouldn’t be an abused woman on the planet.” The ignorance of
both secular society and the Church regarding the issues surrounding domestic violence in its
relationship to divorce costs women and children dearly.

References
Bancroft, L., (2005) When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse.
Berkely Books. New York, New York.,Chapter Nine
Bancroft, L., (2003) Why Does He Do That?; Inside the Minds of Angry Controlling Men. Berkely
Books. New York, New York.,pp.3-19, 210-223, 235-254, 261-272
Carlson, J., Chemtob, C. (2004) Psychological Effects of Domestic Violence on Children and Their
Mothers. International Journal of Stress Management, 11 (3) 209-226 DOI 10.1037/1072-5245.11.3.209
Demo, D., Supple, A., ( date missing) Divorce- Effects on Children, Effects on Couples,Effects on
Parents. Marriage and Family Encyclopedia. (3) Retreived from:
www.family.jrank.org/pages/413/Divorce.html”>Divorce-Effects On Children, Effects on Couples,
Effects on Parents</a>
Larson, V.,(2013) When Divorce is a Family Affair. The New York Times. Retrieved from:
www.nytimes.com/roomfor debate/2013/02/13/when-divorce-is-a-family-affair
Nason-Clark, N., (1997) The Battered Wife: How Christians Confront Family Violence. Westminister
John Know Press. Louiville, Kentucky., pp Preface:X,XI, XVII, Chapter 1, Chapter 4.
Tsavoussis, A.,Stanislaw, P.,Stoicea, N., Papadimos, T., (2014) Child Witnessed Domestic Violence and
its Adverse Effectson Brain Development: A Call for Societal Self-Examination and Awareness. Frontiers
in Public Health, Volume 2. DOI: 10.3389. fpubh.2014.00178
Willet, B.. (2013) When Divorce is a Family Affair. The New York Times. Retrieved from:
www.nytimes.com/roomfor debate/2013/02/13/when-divorce-is-a-family-affair

Note: Though periodicals are not considered to be as reliable as scholarly sources in conducting
research, due to the extreme paucity of information among scholarly research on divorce that presents
the perspective and experiences of victims of violence, the dynamics of divorce when violence is the
catalyst, the co-occurrence of personality disorders in high-conflict divorces, or the issues and challenges
faced by victims of violence in the divorce process, these New York Times articles were used as sources in
order to demonstrate the need for social and political discussions of divorce to include an
acknowledgement of the epidemic of domestic violence and the increasing occurrence of personality
disorder asthese factors contribute significantly to the high ratesof divorce.

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