The Uglacy family returns after a long hiatus!

1. The Good, The Bad, and The Uglacy, Chapter 10
Back Fromthe Dead!
By Candi0207

2. “We back, uh huh…”
So I haven’t posted since Moses parted the seas, but I was in college and working full time, so my poor sims
were on vacation. But I am back ready to take up the daunting task of trying to breed the ugliest sim
possible in 10 generations. It had been so long, I even needed a review, so let’s see where I was. Our intro
host is Heath Cartwright. He was the spare to our current heir. So he’s not technically important.

3. So I named this sims legacy after the famous Cartwrights
from the Ponderosa. You remember Ben, Adam,
Hoss, and Little Joe. If you don’t, well you missed the
70’s series of western soap operas. And a kazillion reruns.
Did you live under a rock?
Anyhow, a legacy is 10 generations of sims, no cheats,
and a whole lot of other rules created by Pinstar.
For more information see http://www.simslegacychallenge.com/

4. Our third generation reigning heir is Audra Cartwright.
“Oh great, you’re back. Yay, I can hardly wait to play again. Sigh.”
In case you’ve forgotten, and I know I have… Audra is a neurotic, absent-minded, hates the
outdoors, equestrian vehicle enthusiast. Her lifetime want is to be a star news anchor. I
don’t know where she is on that, but knowing me, she is probably still a paper girl.

5. After much torture, foreplay, and painful courting, Audra snagged this fine specimen of
Sim Peanut Ivy. Playing an uglacy is difficult in the Sims 3 because ugly sims are not
that easy to find, and when you do find a prize, they really play hard to get.
Peanut is a couch potato, cowardly, rebellious loner virtuoso, in other words a real
weirdo. His lifetime want is to be a movie composer. Watch out Quinton Tarentino.

6. Audra and Peanut were able to produce two potential heirs thus far:
Matt who loves the heat and hates the outdoors (wants to live in a greenhouse).
And Kitty who is a brave couch potato. (Nice combo, fitting for a saloon girl).

7. Am I the only one who hates skilling toddlers. I’m not even sure what the point is. I
mean they all learn to talk, walk, and use the toilet anyways. It would be funny if they
didn’t, now that would make the Sims 3 interesting.

8. As if life were not fun enough with two toddlers to skill, Audry gives birth to TRIPLETS!
No, I do not have a patch.
NO, she did not eat cheesecake.
Yes, I literally cried!
Then I got a whole lot of swings, all the better to neglect those babies with.
Meet Festus, Newly, and Ruth, all named for characters of Gunsmoke.
So Ruth was the technically the name of a mule, I ran out of names, sue me.

9. Matt grows up, to the excitement of the house maid.
“Yay, one less potty chair to empty!”

10. Well isn’t that interesting.

11. I hardly ever get this box I can assure you readers. So I actually took a picture
of it. Still, his trait was random as per sim rules, and he got shy.

12. “I know I’m shy, mom, but couldn’t I invite anyone besides my over-active bladder Uncle?”
“Now dear, vampires do live off a liquid diet. These things have to be expected.”
“Are vampires stupid too? Can’t he figure out how to get to the bathroom?”
“Matt, there’s a table in his way. See why it was so important to be potty trained.”

13. “Do these babies ever stop having needs, needs, needs?!”
“Which one is this? Newly or Ruth?”
“How the hell should I know?! I haven’t slept in 4 days.”

14. “OH great, now they are turning into toddlers!”
“I thought you said if we hid the birthday cake, this wouldn’t happen!”

15. “Wait, there’s one missing. Oh crap, where is Ruth?”
Pssk, Peanut, look down.

16. Finally, the little brats angels are all snuggled into bed.
Oh I can see why people would want the Triplet Patch.
It’s SO much fun.

17. 1 AM 3 AM
4 AM
5 AM

18. “Arrrrrgh!!!”
But Peanut, Newly needs a diaper change!

19. Peanut? Peanut? Speak to me, Peanut. Speak to me.

20. Finally Peanut responds, but none too happily. Seriously, Peanut?
We all can see that bubble. That’s just rude.

21. No sooner does poor Peanut hit the sack, then…
“Ruth needs an emergency birthday party.”
“Really? We woke up again for that?!
Fine, the sooner we grow them up, the sooner we can get them the hell out of here.”

22. “Audry, I don’t think I can go on. Will we ever get to sleep again?”
“When we’re dead, Peanut. When we’re dead.”

23. “That’s what they think. These brats are keeping me awake!
I have never been so happy to be dead. Four toddlers!
Good grief, it’s an heir fair!”

24. Well, that’s just disturbing. Exactly what words are you teaching Kitty?
“Can you say assisted death? Living Will? I see dead people?”

25. “Mommy, no one has talked to me in two days. I know I’m shy, but my social is really low.”
“Remind me again, which kid are you?”
“I’m Matt!”
“Well I’m sorry, Matt. But you can feed yourself. You’re just not a priority.”

26. “Audry, where’s Ruth, she needs a bottle again.”
“Um, she might be in the back yard. What’s that smell? Oh yes, you
Newly. I could have sworn I changed your diaper yesterday.”

27. “Can I grow this one up, pretty pleease!”

28. Apparently the gumby complex runs in this family.

29. Kitty gets yet another trait that fits her, easily impressed.
An easily impressed, brave, couch potato. Things are looking good for you.

30. Peanut and Audry are far too exhausted from caring for the blood sucking
hoard of children they have, so basically the kids are left to live on birthday
cakes and imaginary friends. Matt’s bright red plumbob is pretty typical of
this family. He’s been roaming the neighborhood and no one noticed.

31. “Mom, I’m so exhausted. I haven’t slept in days.”
“Well maybe you should try shutting those legs, missy.”

32. “Ruth, please, mommy needs you to stay in the swing, just another day
or two. Gads, you kids and all your constant, fricking needs!”

33. “Okay, Miss Kitty, I’ve got to ride off into the sunset now, cuz I have marshaling
obligations, like shooting bad guys and well, shooting bad guys.”
“Yeah, have fun with that. I’m use to you disappearing Matt. You have serious issues
with commitment.”
“Whose the creepy robot kid?”

34. “That’s Tonto, my imaginary friend derived from all the parental neglect we’ve
suffered. I had to get my social interaction somewhere.”
“You named him Tonto! That’s the Lone Ranger, not Gunsmoke!”
“Whatever, Festus was taken, there aren’t a lot of western sidekick names.”

35. “Hello Newly, I’m the creepy babysitter kid your parents hired because they are lame
and needed sleep. I am going to stand here and uselessly wave at you for hours while
you sit in your own crap and starve. Won’t that be fun?!”

36. “Arrgh, I don’t understand. Why do you guys always cry? I spend hours waving at
you and still no appreciation for my efforts. It’s like you have some kind of needs I’m
not meeting. Meh, I don’t get paid enough for this.”
Stupid, idiotic babysitter, I am going to have to wake the parents up to care for the kids
before this moron starves them to death.

37. I swear, Audry, I tried to get that stupid babysitter to care for them
so you and Peanut could actually sleep. The look on her face says it all.
Triplets in a legacy family with no cheats allowed is like trying to sign up
for Obama Care on a dial up computer. Sigh.

38. “Ah, who are you again?”
“I’m the babysitter, I’m here to wake you up and read you a story because I can’t
deal with all those brats in the nursery.”
“That’s nice and all, but I think my dad is going to freak out if he wakes up to
you creepily sneaking in here and reading stories to me.”

39. “I haven’t slept in 3 days! Waaah. This is a nightmare! I need to eat,
I need to pee, I need some fun! Please, kill me now. I can’t take this!”
I’m guessing now would be a bad time to tell her to empty the potty chair?

40. On the plus side, every one of these kids has an imaginary friend, which makes me
wonder, are imaginary friends linked to parental neglect? I’ve read entire forums on
how to get imaginary friends, and honestly, I have put no effort into anything, because
we are in survival mode. So I have a theory there is a link. Because the one thing I have
done well… is neglect these kids. Skills, ha! Interaction, who has time for that?

41. Lecturing the toddlers, nice touch.
“Now you are all in swings, so SHUT UP. Just sit there and be quiet, I swear
the next one of you that wakes me up… hell to pay. I am going to beat you
with my red plumbob!”

42. “I’m exhausted Ben, I can’t go on. Crying and needing, and wanting, and feeding.”
“Yeah, well, you’re the one that had to be all fertile Peanut. All you needed was
one more spare, not a fricking set of musketeers.”

43. “Miss Kitty, do you want to play?”
“How many times do I have to tell you Tonto. Being a saloon girl takes a good
education. I have to know how to… to… well pour whiskey and look pretty.”
There’s more to be a saloon girl, but she isn’t ready for that class yet.

44. “Do you remember when we had a life Audry. We could actually put clothes on manikins?”
“I have no idea what the hell you are talking about Peanut.”
Poor Audry and Peanut, living off birthday cake as the insanity sets in.

45. Really, Audry, really?! You want another baby! And look at that energy bar
Isn’t that pretty?

46. But Peanut shows who the truly insane one is by upping that want
to 10 children! Hahaha. Yeah, not gonna happen. Bunch of wannabe family sims.

47. “Woohoo, it’s my birthday!”
Yeah, well I wouldn’t be too excited about this one.
Fortunately, her baby making days are coming to an end.

48. “Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you…”
“Oh Shut it Peanut. That song sucks.”
“Ok, how about, ‘And Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson…
Jesus loves you more then you could know…”

49. Ahh, time to enjoy the golden years…
What? Stop glaring at me like that. I didn’t tell you to have triplets!

50. “Have children, they said. It will be fun, they said…”

51. “Thank the stars!!! We can age these brats up! Break out the cakes, Peanut!”
“Oh my gosh, we might sleep again… sniff. What a beautiful day.”

52. Triplet one: Ruth, an artistic, outdoorsy vehicle enthusiast.

53. “But daddy, we haven’t even finished Ruth’s birthday cake.”
“Hush Kitty, this will be fun, a regular birthday marathon.”

54. Triplet two:
Festus, a good, insane, heavy sleeper. That sounds like Festus.

55. Our final tripet: Newly,
A neurotic, easily impressed virtuoso. Wow, that nails Newly the
butt kissing deputy of Marshall Dillon on Gunsmoke.

56. “Miss Kitty, let’s play.”
“I can’t Barkeep. With all the imaginary friends in this house, I am working
on a way to make you all human!”
Yeah, because we need more people in this house!

57. “I’ve failed, Barkeep. The whole thing blew up in my face.”
“You can’t give up. You hold the key in your hand, or a huge smiley face.
I’m not sure, I can’t make out my chat bubble.”

58. “That’ll a girl, Kitty. When you get bucked off, you get right back on!
Now can you talk to me, cause I’m lonely, and I’m going to stalk you till
you do. Please. Play with me. Kiiittttty. I need attention.”

59. “Okay, okay, I climbed all the flipping steps to the attic, what’s so exciting…”
“Matt’s turning into a teenager!”
“Ugh, I climbed the steps for another birthday?”

60. Oh my, what big ears you have… all the better to win an Uglacy with.
Matt loves it hot, hates the outdoors, is shy and easily impressed.

61. “Hear ye, Hear ye. I am destined to be heir, not my big eared brother.”
Okay, Festus, time will tell.

62. Oh look, one of the kids are finally running away… Take care Ruth!
“No, I’m not running away, I’m going to see the new horse!”

63. Yay! Our horse line continues with Boo, she’s obedient and piggy.
And I would say the prettiest one yet, Boo is named for my own horse 

64. “Hahaha, maybe someone should pay more attention to their bills!”
Well it wasn’t like I was raising a kazillion heirs or anything…
Oh no, she’s taking our beautiful green couch, whatever shall I do?

65. “Why did that mean lady take our couch?”
“Kid, it’s time to break this to you, your parents suck, you’re in a legacy,
and a crappy one at that. By the way, you can change that outfit you know.”

66. “Peanut, I got an opportunity to interview someone in China for my job. I think I should go.”
“Uh, Ok babe. If you think it will help further your career.”
“Yea, sure,,, that’s it. See ya in 3 days. Sayonara sucker!”
“OH cool, you’re already practicing Chinese!” (sigh* it’s Japanese, Peanut… never mind.*)

67. “Yea, yea, I need a plane ticket to China. Any family
going… oh hell no!”

68. EA can be so MUCH fun sometimes. So Audry really did get an opportunity
to interview someone in China for her career, but when we got to China,
it now says she is unemployed for 3 days and to enjoy her vacation… grrrrr.
Thanks EA. Well, we’ll just do the the standard quests… cause I’m nothing
if I’m not flexible.

69. “Why am I peddling uphill on a bicycle again?!”
Because the American Heart Association says it’s good for you…
*Sigh* Because the quest is half way across China from you.

70. “Pant,pant… So I’m here for your fricking mission… do you have any nitro pills?”
“I need you to find ancient Chinese relic for me in Halls of the Lost Army.”
“Hey that’s great, my daughter just so needs a Chinese relic for a school opportunity.”

71. “But first, I must teach you ancient Chinese song, ‘Ping and His Checkers”.
“What? That’s quite alright… hey wait, is that a skill bubble popping up. Oh no, this is going to be one of those
annoying songs that stick in my head forever! Nooo, please let’s just tell jokes and funny stories…”
“Ching had checkers, red and black. Across the board, he attacked… but lost his checkers and couldn’t get them
back. Poor Ching was too stupid to understand, so now he just plays Candyland… One more time with feeling”

72. “Great, now I can’t get that stupid song out of my head. Now what do I do?”
Just step on the stone with the feet.
“Oh cool, this doesn’t look like this will be too hard.”
**Whistling innocently.**

73. “YOU want me to move these statues!!!! I’m not a body lifter!”
They are only a ton or two… just scooch them over on the stepping stone.
“Go on a quest, they said. It will be fun they said!!!”

74. Hi HO, Hi HO, it’s off to work we go…
“Shut up!!! This wasn’t in the travel brochure!”
We could sing Ching and his Checkers… Singing makes work go faster.
“The hell it does, this ain’t no Disney movie.”

75. I’m sorry Audry, but I just can’t give you a 10 on that dive…

76. “Finally, 8 statues, 3 snake holes, 2 pools, and 1 rock pile later…
a treasure! This better be worth it.”

77. “Ugh,nooo. It’s empty! What sick joke is this?! I’m going
to seriously hurt that Ching Checker singing doofus!”
Ok, not really. She actually got a lapis rock, or some crap worth $ 2.00.
Totally worth it. *rolling eyes*

78. 3 more statues, and another pool later… oh stop whining, it’s not like
its been almost 2 days without food or sleep. Ok, maybe it has.

79. “I AM NOT riding that stupid bicycle all the way across town to deliver the relic tonight.
That twit can wait!”
Fine. Get your ‘beauty’ sleep, whiner. I don’t want you passing out on the great wall of
China.

80. “How are you enjoying the beauty of China?”
“Buzz off lady. I was stuck in a tomb shoveling dirt yesterday for a two.dollar relic. Now I find out I have to
make my own breakfast. What kind of cheesy establishment is this?”
There was a reason they called it the Budget, Do it Yourself Vacation Package.

81. Well let’s get into the spirit and dress like a real Chinese tourist!
“I look like a rejected Geisha from a 1960 Godzilla movie.”
Don’t be silly. Godzilla lived in Japan, not China. Geesh.

82. “Here’s the relic, but I was hoping to keep it for my daughter.”
“Sorry, China does not let tourist take ancient relics home. But the gift shops have plenty of cheap imitations.”
“Great, so you’re going to pay me for all my efforts right… “
*crickets chirping*

83. “I can’t believe that woman tried to tell me that was a tourist adventure and I
should be grateful to do it for free. My back is killing me from moving those
statues. Why am I rolling a want for Eggroll recipes? I knew I should have went
to France.”
Bitch, bitch, bitch…

84. “Hello, do you have any cheap Chinese relics I can pawn off on my kids?”
“Why yes, let me get you our cheap, dollar store version of ‘I had to buy you
something while I was in China’.”

85. “Hey, Miss rude butt, you’re pinning me in here. I was here first!”
“Hello, I would like some low quality sovereigns for the people I don’t really care about. Do you have any cheap fridge
magnets that say China on them?”
“As a matter of fact, I have a wide selection of useless keychains right over here.”

86. “My husband just loves me in silk, do you have any silk lingerie…”
“Are you kidding?!!! YOU rude, annoying tourist townie. Get your fricking magnets and get out of my
way before I bitch slap you into Egypt for your next adventure.”
“How rude! I must go clog up some other shops and trap unsuspecting sims. My work here is done.”
IF LOOKS COULD
KILL BITCH, YOU
WOULD BE DEAD!

87. Audry returns from her vacation with little money and no ancient relics. On top of that, she got no credit for
interviewing someone in China for her job. It was a complete waste of time. Other then we escaped the
madhouse of children and constant problems we call home.
“Do I have to come back?”
Sorry, but yeah. Time to check back in to the Cartwright penitentiary. Your 3 day pass is over.

88. “So mom, did you find an ancient Chinese relic for Newly? She told all the
kids at school she’s bringing it for show and tell Monday.”
“Um, well about that…”

89. “So there was this unpleasantly plump townie hogging the cashier… who wants
a cheap keychain with a plastic dragon anyway. I brought you something I actually
found in the Halls of the Lost Army…”
“I’m not feeling this, mom.”

90. I hate you mom, I am not lugging that piece of crap to school. Now all my friends will disown
me. You’ve ruined my life.”
“That’s not fair, Newly. When have I ever left you down?”
“Since birth.”

91. I think Newly is being a little harsh on her mom. I mean what kid wouldn’t
want to lug this Chinese masterpiece to school in their backpack.

92. Meanwhile, Miss Kitty grew up, sadly only attended by her imaginary friend, Barkeep.
“Woohoo Miss Kitty! Happy Birthday!”
She was given the family trait, equestrian. Because that is what Cartwrights are.

93. “Hey who are you?”
“I’m your sister, Matt. I grew up last night, but as usual, no one noticed.”
And this is where I will end… for now, because I am almost at 100 slides. But I am not stopping… I must go play
my sims right now, and we will be back. Till then, Sayonara fellow simmers.