PLANNING YOUR PATH: SOCIAL, EMOTIONAL AND CAREER SKILLS FOR YOUTH
1. FINDING YOUR PATH:
SOCIAL, EMOTIONAL, AND PLAN-RELATED GROWTH
FOR YOUTH IN TRANSITION
School of Special Education
Facilitated IEP Research Study 2016
2. WHERE DO I START?
As we get older, we have the opportunity to make steps to become more
independent. These steps may be at school, at work, or at home.
There are many examples of ways we can grow into adulthood by making these
steps, but they all come down to a few main ideas:
1 - SOCIAL,
2 - EMOTIONAL,
AND
3 - PLAN-MAKING GROWTH!
But what do these THREE words mean? And what makes them meaningful to us?
What do these things look like in our daily lives?
Check out the pages of this book for answers to these questions and many more.
Growing up might not be easy, but the good news is that you’ve got many
different people to help you along the way.
“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not in the strength of the
branch but in the power of her own wings.” –Anonymous
3. #1: SOCIAL GROWTH: START WITH THE BASICS
SOCIAL: adjective
-relating to or involving activities in which people spend time talking to each
other or doing enjoyable things with each other
-of or relating to society in general
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We all like to be social in some situations, but what about the situations in which
we feel more uncomfortable?
What about the situations that could impact our futures, our jobs, or our
friendships?
Read on for some more great information on social skill development, specifically
involving….
Verbal and nonverbal communication
Conflict resolution
Conversation in relationships
Conversation in different social settings
“Communication works for those who work at it.” –John Powell
4. MORE THAN WORDS: VERBAL AND NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATION
Take a look at that little yellow sliver there. Yes, that little teeny tiny one. What does
that say?
YOUR WORDS
are actually a VERY small percentage of your communication.
Words that you say make up verbal communication.
For example, you might tell your brother: “Do the dishes!” - These are your
words.
Messages you send without verbally saying them make up nonverbal
communication. Think about TONE and BODY LANGUAGE.
For example, you might cross your arms, make an angry face, and raise your
voice while telling your brother to “Do the dishes!” – This is your nonverbal
communication.
What message does this nonverbal communication send to your brother?
“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” –R.W. Emerson
5. BODY LANGUAGE: TALKING WITHOUT WORDS
What messages are these people sending with their bodies? What do you think
each person’s tone of voice might sound like?
Write or draw about a time that someone communicated to you with body
language, or “nonverbally”:
“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.” – Peter Drucker
6. USING YOUR “BODY LANGUAGE” SKILLS
Use these examples to get you “warmed up” to the idea of reading body language:
How would an employer feel if you had confident body language at an
interview?
How would your friend feel if you showed bored body language at his or her
house?
How would a cashier feel if you showed frustrated body language while
waiting in line?
“[Someone] who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.” – E. Hubbard
7. READING BODY LANGUAGE
How are they feeling?
Use the space below to journal about the different people above. Even though you
can’t hear their words, read their “body language” to understand what they are
thinking and feeling.
“My eyes will speak louder than my voice ever will.” –Anonymous
8. SOCIAL CONTEXTS: “WHEN IN ROME…”
Have you ever heard this phrase?
“When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”
Fear not - this doesn’t mean you have to start acting like Julius Caesar or wearing a
toga. Instead, this phrase is a metaphor to describe the way we should behave
when we are in a new place or aren’t sure what to do. See below for a bit of
humor…
See that Calvin is acting like a zombie. Calvin doesn’t tell Hobbes to act like a
zombie, but Hobbes takes the social cue from Calvin and joins in on the behavior.
AND JUST LIKE CALVIN AND HOBBES…
We too can take social cues from other people. For example, if we get to a
classroom and everyone is sitting very silently, you might sit down and be silent
too. Did anyone tell you to do this? NO. You took a social cue.
Sometimes a behavior is appropriate in one setting but not in another. We can try
to figure this out by reading social cues and thinking about our environments
before acting or speaking.
“When in Rome, do as the Romans do; when elsewhere, live as they live elsewhere.” –Saint Ambrose
9. SETTING AND BEHAVIOR: THE NAME OF THE
GAME
Sometimes it’s hard to know what is okay to do where. For example, it’s okay to
laugh during a comedy but it wouldn’t be okay to laugh during the sad parts of a
serious movie. It’s okay to yell at a basketball game, but raising your voice in the
grocery store could quickly get you escorted elsewhere!
Different places where we have to behave differently are called contexts.
Check out the chart below. For each context, there is a behavior. Mark whether
this behavior is “okay”, “not okay”, or “depends” in the context. The first one is
done for you, and the last ones (shaded) are for you fill in yourself. Use your
imagination! Make it tricky!
Notice that all of the behaviors listed are okay in some contexts, but not in others.
Remember to learn from social cues to make sure you’re right on track.
“Friends and good manners will carry you where money won’t go.” –M. Walker
Context Social Behavior Okay, not okay, or “it depends?”
Library Eating McDonalds
Mall Jumping contest
Home Playing your favorite song
Gym Raising your voice
Backyard Jumping contest
Study Hall Sleeping
Math Class Raising your voice
Basement Sleeping
Bank Talking on your cell phone
PE Class
Lunchroom
Restaurant
Band Concert
Hiking Trip
Car Ride
10. CONVERSATION IDEAS FOR RELATIONSHIPS
Have you ever reached a moment where you’re not sure what to say to a friend,
family member, or someone you’re trying to get to know? Here are some fun
conversation starters for a rainy day…or a long car trip…Well, you get the drift.
“Conversation is food for the soul.” - Proverb
11. MORE CONVERSATION SKILLS
Think about your nonverbal communication…and remember – people love to talk
about themselves and their lives. Try giving someone else the chance to share
before you do.
“Communication works for those who work at it.” –J. Powell
12. CONFLICT AND RESOLUTION IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sometimes, conflict is inevitable. This means it cannot be avoided. Family, friends,
and others in your life will sometimes disagree with you, and sometimes you will
misunderstand one another.
The good news is…it’s not the end of the world! There are tools to help you “fight
fairly” and resolve conflicts with good communication.
What’s happening in this picture story? What lesson can you take from this
story?
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Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it. –D. Thomas
13. THE RULES OF “FAIR FIGHTING”
When conflict comes up, we have to follow certain rules to make sure that we are
respectful and fair in our conversations. These guidelines can be used with parents,
teachers, friends, coworkers, or anyone else in your life when conflict arises.
With these ideas, you can help everyone to make peace and move forward:
Main points:
No cursing or name-calling – instead, be respectful!
No interrupting – instead, listen!
No raised voices or yelling – instead, remain calm and THINK before you
SPEAK!
Put yourself “in the other person’s shoes” – what might they be feeling?
Always put yourself in the other’s shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too. –R. Grady
14. MORE IDEAS FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION
When you need to resolve a conflict, try taking these steps in the conversation.
Fill in some of the blanks with ideas from recent conversations you might have
had, or think you may have in the future.
SPEAKER
I feel _____________________________________________________________
when you _________________________________________________________.
Can you please try to ________________________________________________
so that we can _____________________________________________________?
ACTIVE LISTENER
You sound like you feel________________________________________________
because____________________________________________________________.
Next time I will_______________________________________________________
so that we can______________________________________________________.
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. –W.
Churchill
15. #2: EMOTIONAL GROWTH: HOW DO YOU FEEL?
With all of this talk about communication, you may be thinking about different
emotions you experience from day to day. You may experience different emotions
in school, at home, at work, or with friends. These emotions may be very different,
depending on the situation.
For instance, you may feel:
Happy
Sad
Frustrated
Excited
Confused
Worried
Stressed
Annoyed
Thrilled
Surprised….
AND MANY MORE!
What do we do with these feelings?
Circle an emotion listed above and think about a time that you felt that emotion
recently. Write or draw about what you felt, why you felt that way, and what
you did about it.
Feeling are like waves. You cannot stop them from coming, but you can decide which ones to surf. -Anonymous
16. KNOW WHERE YOU STAND: SELF- AWARENESS
Keep your eyes open so that you are ready to deal with your emotions as they
come! Use a chart like the one below to help you focus on what you’re feeling and
what you need to do about it.
High Intensity means that the feeling is strong. For example, you are feeling VERY
angry instead of just a bit frustrated.
Low Intensity means that the feeling is not as strong. This could be a feeling of
slight worry or being a little bit embarrassed. These emotions can sometimes be
easier to “regulate”, or manage.
When we self-regulate, we can work on our own feelings by being aware, stopping
to make sure we have control, and choosing healthy coping skills.
Remember, YOU are in control of YOU!
Don’t let other people bring you down with their emotions. Instead, stay
aware of your own and make sure you do what you need to do to feel safe.
Work with a trusted friend, adult, or family member to decide which coping
skills will work best for you. Everyone is different!
Successful people know how to make their emotions their servants rather than their masters. –P.T. Wang
17. DEALING WITH DIFFICULT EMOTIONS
“To soar, we must leave anything that weighs us down.” –S. Singhai
18. EMPATHY: SEEING THE WORLD THROUGH
SOMEONE ELSE’S EYES
Have you ever had a friend or family member deal with something difficult, but
you weren’t sure what to say because you had never been in that particular
situation?
THIS is where empathy comes in.
Let’s talk about the difference between sympathy and empathy:
SYMPATHY is feeling sorry for somebody
EMPATHY is sharing the experiences of another person and working hard to
understand what they are going through, even if you haven’t been there
yourself
APATHY, by the way, is when you don’t care about the other person’s situation
at all – you feel neutral
What do you see happening in this picture? Who is showing empathy?
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It is important to show empathy for people who are going through sickness, loss,
or other hard times. Even if we haven’t “been there”, we can still “go there” with
that person by offering kindness and support through empathy.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” –Plato
19. WHAT CAN I DO TO SHOW EMPATHY?
WHO? HOW?
Family Offer to help a parent or sibling when he or she has too much work to do around the
house
Ask how your family members’ days went, and really listen to the response
If people are sick, keep in touch – ask how they are feeling and if you can do anything
to help them
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Children THINK about what a child might need – food, a bottle, a change of clothes or diaper,
or a nap
Be there to listen and understand children when they are frustrated or sad about
something – chances are, you’ve been there too!
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Friends If a friend is moving, packing, or doing something else that requires a lot of work,
think about what you can do to help without your friend having to ask
Always be a listening ear. You can learn so much from one little conversation with a
good friend!
Try to understand the hard things your friends go through, and make sure they know
that you are a safe person to come and talk with when times get tough
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People in
need in the
community
THINK about what you might need if you were without a home or low on money
Give according to those thoughts and your empathy for those around you!
Volunteer in a safe community situation
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Animals Take a guess as to how a family pet might feel – hungry, tired, cold, or maybe just a
little lonely?
Give attention, food, and care based on these thoughts
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“There are two types of people: those who come into the room and say ‘Well, here am I’, and those who come
into the room and say, ‘Ah, there you are.’” –F. Collins
20. #3: PLAN-RELATED GROWTH: KNOWING
YOURSELF, YOUR NEEDS, AND YOUR STRENGTHS
If you are an advocate, it means that you stand up for someone or something and
defend this cause actively. When we are young, we have parents, guardians, or
family members to advocate for us.
For example, when we are too young to order an ice cream cone, a parent
might ask for the cone for us.
When we are too young to write our own education plans, our parents meet
with educators and school members who are also advocates for us.
As we get older, we learn to become more independent from these supports in
our own ways. While this looks different for each person, we all have one thing in
common: As our own advocates, we must find our voices and stand up for our
rights.
How might getting involved with your
IEP help you to advocate for yourself
now and in the future? Draw or write
about this in the space here.
“If you don’t create your own reality, it will be created for you.” –D. Chopra
21. SELF-DETERMINATION: MAKING AMAZING
CHOICES FOR AN INCREDIBLE LIFE
Self-determination means making your own choices. When you are doing this, it is
important to know your strengths, needs, and goals for the future so that you can
make solid decisions based on your plans.
ACTIVITY: Circle below the small things you have chosen in the past few days,
weeks, or months. Why did you choose what you chose? What FACTORS played
into your decision?
What should I wear? • When should I get up in the morning? • What should I eat for breakfast?
• Should I spend time with friends? • Should I spend time with family? • Should I go outside or
stay indoors? • Should I attend church or religious services? • Should I spend my free time doing
homework? • Should I watch this show on TV? • Will I make dinner at home or go out to eat?
“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” –N. Mandela
