This document is Aidan Barry's writing portfolio for English 11H. It contains 8 sections: 1) Goal follow-up, where Aidan reflects on improving his thesis statements; 2) Methods of eliminating wordiness; 3) Comma errors; 4) Major essay revision; 5) An adolescent email thread; 6) A personal narrative; 7) A creative component; and 8) Overall reflection. For his goal follow-up, Aidan provides examples of thesis statements from 3 of his major essays to show how he developed stronger thesis statements with a clear "so what" over the course of the year. He also reflects on improving his analysis of evidence in his writing. The document models techniques to reduce wordiness and correct

1. English 11H
Writing Portfolio
By: Aidan Barry
Mrs. McCarthy
F Period
06 June 2014

2. Contents
1.) Goal Follow-Up (Slides 3-6)
2.) Methods of Eliminating Wordiness (Slides 7-8)
3.) Comma Errors (Slides 9-12)
4.) Major Essay Revision (Slides 13-18)
5.) Adolescent Email Thread (Slides 19-21)
6.) Personal Narrative (Slide 22)
7.) Creative Component (Slide 23)
8.) Overall Reflection (Slide 24)
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3. First Goal Follow-Up
Goal: I hope to be able to write a stronger thesis statement, one that I am able to
maintain and follow throughout my thesis.
“Within ‘By the Waters of
Babylon’ by Stephen Vincent
Benét, The Odyssey by Homer, and
‘The Labyrinth’ by WH Auden, the
author approaches the maturing
power of truth brought forth within
the personal journeys of a young
adult looking to leave behind his
adolescence and emerge from their
ordeal a fully developed individual;
one that can make a decision to
oppose that which lies within their
own sphere of influence” (Truth
Essay).
“Fyodor Dostoyevsky criticizes
human self interest in his novel
Crime and Punishment, as the
characters are willing to carry
out their own interests
regardless of the subsequent
effects on the lives of others,
exposing humans as being
selfish and narcissistic” (Crime
and Punishment).
“In For Whom the Bell Tolls
and Cat’s Cradle, Hemingway
and Vonnegut portray the
catastrophic and disastrous
effects of war through vast
destruction and tragedy in
order to indicate the wretched
wastefulness of conflict and its
role as the driving force behind
the decay of humanity and
civilization itself”
(Independent Reading).
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4. First Goal Follow-Up (Continued)
At the beginning of the school year, I outlined the aspects of my writing that needed the most improvement. In my two
biggest goals, I am proud to say that I have made significant progress in improving both of these issues. The first goal that I chose
to highlight is that I hoped to be able to write a stronger thesis statement, one that I was able to maintain and follow throughout my
writing. Over the course of the year, I decided to revise the goal to state that I hope to be able to create a stronger thesis that added a
solid “so what?” portion to spur on my argument. The “so what?” portion of the thesis is meant to provoke or kick start the topic of
the thesis and show the reader why I am arguing for the beliefs that I am, forcing the thesis to become more sophisticated and in
depth than a general, surface-level argument. For my first major essay of the year, that covering the topic of truth, I decided to write
about how one’s personal odyssey brings out a maturing power that is associated with truth and the discovery of truth. The texts I
covered were Stephen Vincent Benét’s ‘By the Waters of Babylon’, The Odyssey by Homer, and WH Auden’s “The Labyrinth”.
Though I was able to provide a clear connection between the three texts, the topic covered was completely lacking in the so-called
“so what?” portion of the argument and failed to provoke thought as to why my argument was important or would interest the
reader in any sense. The following December, I wrote my essay concerning human narcissism and neglect in Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s
Crime and Punishment, exposing how human are self-centered and uncaring creatures. In this thesis, my argument is shown very
minimally, as the idea of human self-interest is not explained in how it is vitally important to modern life of life in Dostoyevsky’s
time. However, specificity of the idea of human self-interest is definitely the beginning or “jumping-off” point for a much more
intricate and complex debate, though more detail and rationale for the argument need to be provided. Finally, I ended my
progression of this writing goal with the thesis of my Independent Reading Essay, which analyzed the catastrophe destruction of
war and how it acts in the decay of humanity as a whole. In my final major essay of the year, I was ultimately able to capture the
“so what?” portion of the essay that I had lacked for so long. In recognizing how warfare is subsequently the downfall of our fellow
man, I was able to add an urgent sense of anti-war fervor that can be used to feed the argument for eliminating warfare. Though my
thesis lacked progression throughout my body paragraphs, I was content in that I could finally connect my thesis to a point that
would keep the reader pondering my argument even after they finished reading my essay.
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5. Second Goal Follow-Up
Goal: I hope to use stronger analysis of my evidence within my writing.
“John now comprehends that ‘he was a
man – [he] knew that they had been men,
neither gods nor demons. It is a great
knowledge, hard to tell and believe. They
were men – they went down a dark road,
but they were men’ (Benét 7). The shock
that John harbors with this consciousness
provides insight as to how it opposes his
previous beliefs. The repetition of the
phrase “they were men” connotes the idea
that it takes a bit of time for John to grasp
this concept. The denotation of “hard to
tell and believe” in reference to the people
of John’s community, as well, is a direct
portrayal of the disparity between the
people’s beliefs of the truth versus the
reality of truth” (Truth Essay).
“Instead, he has found himself another bride, while
‘[he] is fifty and she is only sixteen…Pretty
alluring, isn’t it? Yes, alluring…[he thinks] these
sixteen year olds, with their eyes still childlike,
their modesty, their sweet little tears of
shyness…what they have is better than beauty’
(Dostoyevsky 457). Svidrigailov has now turned
his attention to another, significantly younger girl.
The denotation of the word “alluring” as well as its
repetition emphasizes how attractive and seductive
their age difference is to him. The use of the word
“childlike” as well as “modesty” and the phrase
“sweet little tears” imply how unfit this girl
actually is to become one’s spouse or sexual
partner. Dostoyevsky denounces Svidrigailov’s
imterests as disgusting, unnatural, and greedy”
(Crime and Punishment Essay).
“Robert Jordan spots a sentry, and from his position
‘…he could see the sunken cheeks…It was a peasant’s
face, the beard stubbled, the eyes shaded by the heavy
brows, big hands holding the rifle, heavy boots showing
beneath the folds of the blanket cape’ (Hemingway 36).
The detailed description of the enemy soldier attempts
to humanize him so that he can be clearly compared to
Robert Jordan and his compatriots. The repetitions of
the phrases personalizing him and giving the reader a
depiction of his facial structure make him seem more
humane and relatable. The connotations of the words
‘sunken’, ‘shaded’, and ‘heavy’ in regards to the sentry’
s appearance is very tiring and depressed. The
description is meant to provoke thought as to his own
personal experience in the war, which has clearly been
long, stressful, and has taken a toll on his health.
Furthermore, describing the man as a ‘peasant’
personalizes the guard, paralleling him with the poor
peasants in Robert Jordan’s own guerilla outfit”
(Independent Reading Essay).
5

6. Second Goal Follow-Up (Continued)
The second goal that I hoped to achieve was the ability to form stronger analysis of my evidence within my writing. To do this I
looked deeper into the connotation of words and tried to figure out why and for what purpose the author used this specific wording. In my
very first essay of the year, the Truth essay, the analysis I used did not connect and created confusion within my paragraphs. I was unable to
connect even the minimal analysis I had used. I briefly mentioned repetition but failed to show understanding as I lacked depth, making my
analysis of said repetition seem vague. In this particular analysis of the essay, I failed to pick out specific words and analyze them in a strong
fashion that supported my thesis. Later in the year while writing my Crime and Punishment essay, the improvement is significant, yet it is not
yet up to par with the grade level’s standards. My analysis was not only physically longer than my quote; it also displays stronger analysis
than my Truth essay. Highlighting words such as “alluring”, “childlike”, “modesty” and “greedy”, paired with analysis of each individual
word, I was able to better connect to the greater point or purpose of why I used the quote, I seemed (and felt) more confident in my thesis as
well as in the point I was trying to prove. What also helped my analysis was the wiser choice I had made with the quote this time around.
Whereas in the Truth essay I chose a quote that was seemingly strong but really did not have the strength to build up the essay, the quote I
used for the Crime and Punishment essay was well chosen and allowed for stronger interpretation. The biggest improvement, however, can
be seen in my final choice, the Independent Reading essay. The quote was a bit shorter than I had previously done while my analysis was
much more in depth and much longer than it had previously been. I applied my strategy of pulling out individual words as I did in the Crime
and Punishment essay to better understand the tone the author is trying to convey. This time, however I did less individual word analysis and
focused more on the overall point of using these specific words. I also eliminated the use of the clichés “this connotes” and “this displays”,
thus making my analysis sound more sophisticated and confident than it did before in the previous writing assignments. Overall I am very
pleased with my analysis development over the year. Although I have not quite mastered the skill of analysis, I can confidently say I have
improved greatly from where I was in the beginning at my first essay. Although I had set one goal I have accomplished the following within
this task: creating deeper and more meaningful analysis, differentiating between a powerful quote versus an ineffectual one, and making my
writing sound confident as well as sophisticated.
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7. Methods of Eliminating Wordiness
1.) Eliminating Unnecessary Modifiers and Determiners – Crime and Punishment Essay
“Desiring to become Dunia’s lover, Svidrigailov selfishly attempts to force this relationship between them, regardless of how
strongly opposed to it she is…”.
“Svidrigailov attempts to force a relationship with Dunia in an attempt to become her lover”.
2.) Change Phrases into Single Words – Crime and Punishment Essay
“Dostoyevsky, being distressed by his own society’s flaws of the time period, utilizes Crime and Punishment to convey an urge for
social reform and change”.
“Dostoyevsky, being distressed by his own society, utilizes Crime and Punishment to convey an urge for social reform and
change”.
3.) Change Unnecessary That, Who, and Which Clauses into Phrases – Independent Reading
“The description is meant to provoke thought as to his own personal experience in the war, which has clearly been long, stressful,
and has taken a toll on his health”.
“The description is meant to provoke thought as to his own long, stressful, and harmful personal experience in the war”.
4.) Avoid Overusing Expletives at the Beginning of Sentences – Crime and Punishment
“It was amidst this turmoil and greed that Fyodor Dostoyevsky published Crime and Punishment as twelve monthly installments in
the poplar literary journal, The Russian Messenger, during the year of 1866”.
“Amidst this turmoil and greed, Fyodor Dostoyevsky published Crime and Punishment as twelve monthly installments in the
poplar literary journal, The Russian Messenger, during the year of 1866”.
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8. Methods of Eliminating Wordiness
(Cont.)
5.) Use Active rather than Passive Verbs – Crime and Punishment
“The connotation of the pharse “black serpent” displays how Luzhin immediately feels a desire for revenge, and the connotation of “gnawed”
as well displays how he is overwhelmed by these feelings”.
“The connotation of the pharse “black serpent” displays how Luzhin immediately feels a desire for revenge, and the connotation of “gnawed”
as well displays how these feelings overwhelm him”.
6.) Avoid Overusing Noun forms of Verbs – Truth/Journey Essay
“…Telemachos realizes throughout his travels that his own true role is to fight for that which his father left behind…”.
“…Telemachos realizes throughout his travels that he must fight for that which his father left behind…”.
7.) Reword Unnecessary Infinitive Phrases
“As his final week progresses and his mission is almost underfoot, Robert Jordan begins to accept the futility and likeliness that he will perish
on this mission”.
“As his final week progresses and his mission is almost underfoot, Robert Jordan accepts the futility and likeliness that he will perish on this
mission”.
8.) Replace Circumlocutions with Direct Expressions - Independent Reading Essay
“Thus, in this brief respite, it is as if Robert Jordan and his forces are looking at a mirror image of themselves, reminding Jordan that he is
fighting men with equally as much humanity as that of his own forces”.
“Robert Jordan and his forces are briefly looking at a mirror image of themselves, reminding Jordan that he is fighting men with equally as
much humanity as that of his own forces”.
8

9. Comma Errors
1.) Interrupter – Independent Reading Essay
“An expert on the Spanish Civil War in literature, Jeffrey Meyers, claims that Hemingway’s clear disdain for war stemmed from his own experiences working
as a journalist in the Spanish Civil War”.
“An expert on the Spanish Civil War in literature, Jeffrey Meyers claims that Hemingway’s clear disdain for war stemmed from his own experiences working as
a journalist in the Spanish Civil War”.
I omitted the comma following the name “Jeffrey Meyers”, as the proper noun belongs in the main clause with the assertion about Ernest Hemingway’s war
experiences.
2.) Finisher – Independent Reading Essay
“Robert Jordan is particularly lost as he had no real connection to the men”.
“Robert Jordan is particularly lost, as he had no real connection to the men”.
I added the comma following the word “lost”, separating the sentence by use of a finisher comma into an independent clause followed by a dependent clause.
3.) Finisher – Independent Reading Essay
“The curtness of the phrases “you never could have”, “not a real Marxist”, “you know it”, as well as “don’t ever kid yourself” create a dismissive tone
indicating that Robert Jordan will never fully fit in…”.
“The curtness of the phrases “you never could have”, “not a real Marxist”, “you know it”, as well as “don’t ever kid yourself” create a dismissive tone,
indicating that Robert Jordan will never fully fit in…”.
The finisher comma added following the word “tone” allows for the sentence to split into a clear independent clause and a clear dependent clause, making the
sentence more complex.
9

10. Comma Errors (Continued)
4.) Interrupter – Independent Reading Essay
“The statement of his desire to live and learn, which is then followed by the long pause created by the semicolon shows a longing to have better used his intuition and
thought…”.
“The statement of his desire to live and learn, then followed by the long pause created by the semicolon, shows a longing to have better used his intuition and thought…”.
To create a clear distinction between to separate dependent clauses, I added the interrupter comma following the word “semicolon” and I omitted the words “which is”.
5.) The Finisher – Independent Reading Essay
“Vonnegut’s depiction of the powers of the ice nine allude to a dark and unforeseen impending catastrophe involving the substance as the powers are too great for human hands
to control”.
“Vonnegut’s depiction of the powers of the ice nine allude to a dark and unforeseen impending catastrophe involving the substance, as the powers are too great for human
hands to control”.
By adding a finisher comma following the word “substance”, it is easy to determine where the independent clause separates from the dependent clause while adding complexity
to the sentence.
6.) Interrupter – Crime and Punishment Essay
“The oppressive monarch or Czar controlled the majority of the country’s wealth; poverty was rampant, and many were starving in the streets”.
“The oppressive monarch or Czar controlled the majority of the country’s wealth, poverty was rampant, and many were starving in the streets”.
I removed the semi colon following “wealth” and replaced it with an interrupter comma to continue the list of problems with Russian society in an orderly fashion.
10

11. Comma Errors (Continued)
7.) Introducer – Crime and Punishment Essay
“Having finally paid off a debt of her deceased father’s Dunia leaves her position as his maid and eliminates contact with the tenacious
Svidrigailov”.
“Having finally paid off a debt of her deceased father’s, Dunia leaves her position as his maid and eliminates contact with the tenacious
Svidrigailov”.
By entering an introducer comma after the word “father’s”, I have created a dependent clause before the sentence’s independent clause allowing
for an introduction to the main idea of the selection.
8.) Interrupter – Crime and Punishment Essay
“Svidrigailov, however is not done pursuing Dunia.”
“Svidrigailov, however, is not done pursuing Dunia”.
The comma entered after the word “however” interrupts between two dependent clauses to create a fluid, complete sentence.
9.) Finisher – Truth/Journey Essay
“…the author approaches the maturing power of truth brought forth within the personal journeys of a young adult looking to leave behind his
adolescence and emerge from their ordeal a fully developed individual; one that can make a decision to oppose that which lies within their own
sphere of influence”.
“…the author approaches the maturing power of truth brought forth within the personal journeys of a young adult looking to leave behind his
adolescence and emerge from their ordeal a fully developed individual, one that can make a decision to oppose that which lies within their own
sphere of influence”.
I replaced the semicolon following the word “individual” to act as a finisher to the sentence and to tie in a dependent clause acting to close the idea
of the selection..
11

12. Comma Errors (Continued)
10.) Finisher – Truth/Journey Essay
“John is hopeful and looks to the future alleging that “there are books and writings”.
“John is hopeful and looks to the future alleging, that “there are books and writings”.
I added a comma following the word “alleging” to split the sentence into an independent clause followed by a dependent clause so
that the dependent clause can add complexity to the selection.
12

13. Major Essay Revision
13

14. Major Essay Revision (Continued)
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15. Major Essay Revision (Continued)
15

16. Major Essay Revision (Continued)
16

17. Major Essay Revision (Continued)
17

18. Major Essay Revision (Continued)
18

19. Adolescent Email Thread
Hey Guys,
I just wanted to say that I had a great time at camp with the two of you. I’
ll be honest- going to a sleep away camp for three weeks without a single friend to
accompany you is pretty nerve wracking. Sometimes I find it hard to be
comfortable around new people, and I was incredibly nervous to bunk with the two
of you without having met either of you before. However, you guys quickly took
me in and I had a great time. I hoped that we could spend more time together over
the year until we meet again at camp, but we do live quite far away from one
another. It’s a shame that we can’t hang out again!
I think that my most cherished memory from this summer is when the
three of us covered Laertes’s cabin in toilet paper after he started a fight with you,
Hamlet, in the mess hall. We got him good. Payback’s a bitch, isn’t?
Holden, you are easily one of the smartest people that I have ever met. I
want you to remember that we are always here for you, bud. Don’t be so down on
yourself, and don’t worry so much. I’ll be in college soon, but don’t let that scare
you from giving me a phone call or shooting me another email.
Hamlet, I hope that everything works out with you and your mother. I
can totally see your anguish, dude. I love my mom just as much as anyone else, but
given your situation, I would be confused too. Remember to look into that
medication I told you about. I wish I could remember the name right now – there
are always commercials for it on TV. It really helped my brother out when he was
down on himself.
Guys, I had a great time at camp. Don’t be strangers – be sure to keep in
touch.
Your Friend,
Aidan Barry
Thanks for writing me the email, buddy.
I really needed this pick me up. Things haven’t been going all too
well at mom and pop’s place. I’m not kidding you – I walk in the front
door getting home from the zoo with my little sister a few days ago, and
whaddya know, my parents are standing there waiting for me with a note
from my principal saying I’ve been kicked out of school. Goddam, they
were so angry I thought they’d bring down the whole house, or at least
break a window. When my brother Allie passed away, the sweet little kid,
I damn near almost broke every window in the goddam house. My parents
took me to the hospital and the doc said I broke my wrist. I hate doctors.
Bunch of goddammed phonies. They don’t care howya feel. They just
want your money.
Anyways, I’m glad you contacted me pal. It’s been rough around
here and I miss you guys, ya know? I wish we were still romping around,
without any responsibilities, up at camp.
Hamlet, I’ve been wondering, how has your relationship with
your parents been going lately? Honestly, they seem like a bunch of
phonies too. Anyone who can’t hold onto love like your mother is a fool.
Me, I’ve been going after this girl named Sally. I might marry her one day,
but she really annoys me and I can’t stand to be near her, ya know what I
mean?
Sincerely,
Holden C
19

20. Adolescent Email Thread (Cont.)
My dearest friends!
How good it is to hear from you. I wish that I could greet you
with feelings other than woe, but I cannot. Though I cherish your outreach
and wish to be with you once again, you have contacted me in a time of
despair. My mother has finally betrothed my uncle, legally sealing this
incestuous relationship. How my father must turns over in his grave when
he hears of this!
I must inform you both that upon my return to my fair Denmark, I
finally ended my relationship with Ophelia. Though I was able to play
along with her “love” for a while, I could do it no longer, and I have
become preoccupied with other, more pressing matters.
I miss the two of you, however. Recently, my mother and my
uncle-father called in my two friends from the University, Rosencratz and
Guildenstern. They think that I have been acting out of the ordinary now
that I don a series of clothing as black as the night sky. These “friends” are
merely here to spy on me, and they make me long for the adventures we
had together over this fateful summer.
To Aidan, I wish success in your endeavors in the academic
world, and to Holden, I hope that you remember to face that which you
fear, even when that fear is the adulthood I have recently entered.
All the Best,
Hamlet
I’m sorry to hear that the both of you have been through so
much!
I know that it makes you nervous, Holden, but just
think: if you can enter college soon, or even the workforce,
you be out of the sight of your phony parents! Isn’t that
appealing? You can do whatever you’d like! I really worry for
you man. You are setting yourself up to be a failure! I know
it’s tough to stay focused on work, but if you don’t, you will
be penniless and will live on the streets, or even worse, at
your parents’ house for the rest of your life! (Haha)
Hamlet, it seems like you have taken this whole
“insanity” bit way too far. Aren’t you worried that this could
regress into a problem that the King and Queen feel they must
get involved in? You are digging a really deep hole, dude. I
can understand that you with hold some information from the
two of us, but what could possibly make you so upset? You
are an incredibly talented actor, and that Macbeth piece that
you did in front of the whole camp was astounding, but this is
going to get you into a lot of trouble.
Aidan
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21. Adolescent Email Thread (Cont.)
You two are making me seem like a wuss.
I am not afraid of the future. It’s just that – well – what
is so good about being an adult anyway? Hamlet spends his
time in constant depression mulling over his parents and girls
when he is not away at school, and Aidan spends the bulk of
his time looking at colleges and writing his stupid common
applications or whatever. Don’t you think I’ve thought of my
future? Hell, I almost had sex once…I mean, I didn’t want to,
I felt bad for the poor girl that was hired and all. I am adult
enough, and it is important that you two see me that way. I
just wish that I could keep everyone from falling off, you
know? Sometimes I feel like my life is changing so fast that I
can’t take in what is around me.
I have to thank you two once again. Hell, I had an
incredible summer with you two, it was great to just relax and
be out in the middle of the woods. What a great time.
Your pal,
Holden
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22. Personal Narrative Draft
It was July of 2011 when I experienced a series of events that would help form my future and my career interests. The previous fall, I had been
extended an invitation to attend an informational meeting on the People to People Student Ambassador Organization, a government funding non-profit group
that chose select students around the country ranging in age to travel overseas to experience daily life in other countries. As a typical middle school student
would be, I was merely excited to go on what I thought would be a far-off vacation with and the watchful eyes of my parents amidst my peers. It was not until
just recently that I understood the impact that simply visiting European countries would have on my life. The trip lasted three weeks, extending from England
into Scotland and Wales, and finally Ireland. I had a wonderful opportunity to develop new, lasting, long-distance friendships as well as see cultures that I had
never before encountered.
I still hold these memories dearly. Most importantly, I learned the importance of foreign relations between nations as well as the benefits of cultural
appropriation amidst countries. My most cherished memories are those of simply interacting with the people of a society that I would never see on a daily
basis at home. I was intrigued by their customs, and I decided to myself that I would become diverse in my knowledge of other traditions. Having with an
English family for three nights, I was able to experience firsthand how other people other than myself lived, and it was not only an eye opening experience,
but an enjoyable one too.
Growing up, I had always been forced by the Franklin Public School system to take basic Spanish, like the majority of my peers. The class had
always been a chore for me, and I did not think of the benefits of being bilingual. It was not until this year, after reflecting upon my trip, that I realized how
interested I was in world culture. Though I loathed it, Spanish had always been incredibly easy to me, and I decided to continue working with the language
and become as fluent as an Irish white man could be in Spanish.
Looking ahead a college life, I discovered the many opportunities available at any given campus to explore and undertake many other languages,
other than the conventional ones taught in high school. I had always been interested in Eastern European countries like Germany and Russia, as well as those
spoken by distant family members, including Gailege and Portuguese.
In the midst of my college search, it finally occurred to me why I had become interested in languages: I love human interaction. I love the thought of
being able to interact with as many people as I can from all over the world; to learn from others, to converse with others, and to just feel comfortable with any
group of people. I want to expand my knowledge of other languages and cultures so that I can become the epitome of friendly human interaction.
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23. Creative Component
俳句 (Haiku) – Pluviophilia
Amidst the turmoil,
The struggle of enemies,
The cries of fighters,
There comes a soft calm
A haze of serenity
The gray clouds appear
The sky opens up
Its contents sooth all turmoil
Here to wash away
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24. Reflection
Over the course of the year, I have proven to myself that with a little hard work, I am able to succeed in my writing. Writing has always been a hatred
of mine, and although writing this year did not prove this to me, it most definitely reinforced this idea of mine. However, I cannot deny that I have greatly
improved in my writing skills since the beginning of the year and that my grades earned on writing assignments have flowed in an upward progression into
those that have exceed my original expectations for this year’s performance. I have actually surprised myself in what I have been able to achieve over the
course of the year. The two goals that I chose, pertaining to stronger analysis as well as a stronger thesis statement have been problems of mine that have
followed me throughout high school and plagued my previous English assignments for years. My analysis has always been mediocre as I have had trouble
with securing details that go beyond the surface level of our text and actually probe at the author’s true meaning of the selection. In writing my theses, I had
never before been able to concoct a strong, provoking argument that would leave the reader with a want to further question the text in front of them and
rethink their original interpretation of it. However, in working through the pieces of literature that we have covered this year as a class and on our own, I was
exposed to texts that challenged my own thinking and required a deeper analysis to provide the required stronger thesis.
Previously, I had always assumed that my grammar was flawless, and although I have yet to make many comma errors, I found through working
with the methods of eliminating wordiness that fall victim to many overly wordy phrases and that clarifying my arguments requires attention to the syntax of
the sentence as well as the word choice. I attempted to implement these exercises when rewriting and editing my Independent Reading Essay, and it definitely
made an astounding impact on the “flow” of the argument through the essay.
The creative writing piece and the personal narrative taught me a lot about myself and also reinforced ideals that I have held close for many years.
My creative piece is a haiku that I wrote about my admiration for rain. I feel that when it rains, it is as if the world is cleansing itself of all stress and calming
everything once again. I feel most at peace when it rains, and while writing this, I understood my need for occasional relaxation and calm in my life so that I
can function better in the future. I know my limits, and I think that this proves that every once in a while I need to rest and feel at peace. The personal
narrative reminded me of how much I care my fellow man. I am truly interested in every individual on our planet and their well being. I love to interact with
people, and the trip that I wrote about is a testament to the fact that I love cultural appropriation as well as mixing and communicating with as many
individuals that I can.
For my future assignments, I must keep the clarity and strength of my writing in mind while creating these pieces. To be able to progress in this skill
I must have a deep understanding of the text I am writing about as well as a confidence in myself that protrudes through my writing. I hope that by this time
next year, I will be a proficient writer who is able to construct both clear analysis and a clear thesis in a strong, flowing essay.
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25. Finish
Thanks for viewing my Writing Portfolio! I hope
you enjoyed it. Feel free to leave any feedback
at aidanjamesbarry@gmail.com
Thanks for a great year Mrs. McCarthy!